SRS roommate problems again *long*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BBQ Monster, Apr 4, 2005.

  1. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I live with my boyfriend, and one of my best friends. He recently, or should I say finally got a girlfriend. Back before he got with her, he use to be with my best friend Amanda. They did not work out because I was always in the middle solving both of their problems. He told me when he got another woman, he would like me to get to know her, and see if I thought they would work out. I thought that was odd but said okay.


    Well, he met this girl named Jamie. They have only been together for about 3 weeks now, but she has been coming over every night for about a month. She never says hi, and at first I thought she was just shy, but this past Friday shit hit the fan. Me and Josh were hangingout around the house, and he told me I should give her a call, I said cool. I called her up, before I could say two words too her she hung the phone up. She then called Josh, told him she does not like me, does not want to get to know me, and does not want to be my friend. I was like okay, why? She gave no explanation. He then lets her borrow my pajamas. They eat my lunch while I am at work. I was upset at this point because I felt like I was losing my best friend. Ever since this girl has came along it has been so hard to live with him. They came over Saturday, she brought her three year old daughter. They locked themselfs in his room, and left her out in the living room. She then crawled upstairs where I was at, while I was taking a bath, I was so afraid she was going to get hurt, not just by falling down the stairs, but by all the mid-evill swords and daggers I have hanging on the wall. I thought she would grab one and fall and land on it or something.

    This girl is 19, he is also 19, I am 20, my boyfriend is 22. She has 2 children, by seperate daddy's. She lives with her parents. Barley ever spends time with her kids, or at least that is what I have been told. I mean my assumptions are bad of her, but I am trying to make a good empression of myself towards her. She thinks I like Josh like a boy friend (but I don't), she thinks I am trying to steal him away. He thinks I don't want him having a girl friend. All I want is for him to be happy. But how can I live there, with a girl that comes over that starts nothing but problems. She talks behind my back, and the sad thing is this is all childish and I wish I was not involved, but I can't think but help she is only out for one thing and one thing only, money. I want to help him, and get to know her like he asked, but how, when she is un-willing to give it a shot. I guess all I can do is let him fall on his face. I hope I am not being selfish, I looked at his point of view and see his intensions, but he can't or maybe he won't see my side. I guess this is all stupid and ignorant, but I needed to rant.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It's important to let people live their own lives, make their own decisions and live with the consequences, good or bad, of those decisions.

    Who are you to decide how best for him to live? Sure, it looks pretty nasty to you, and yes, it looks pretty wacked to me too. But that's his choice, and for good or for ill, either he'll turn it around or he will learn the hard way.

    Just as parents have to let kids make their own life, THEIR way, so too, friends need to let friends choose their own path.

    You can give advice/opinion if asked, or offer a gentle word -- that's only right.

    Only intervene if grevious bodily harm or serious life altering consequences will happen if you don't. Like drug abuse, suicide, cutting, etc. You know what I'm talking about.

    But a poor choice of girlfriend? Hell that's as ordinary as rain.

    It happens every day in every place. The only way he'll know what works for him and what doesn't is to go through the steps himself.
     
  3. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    I couldn't have worded it any better myself. Excellent response.
     
  4. BlackBeard

    BlackBeard Shiver me Timbers

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    :werd:
     
  5. Zimmy76

    Zimmy76 I like my beer like I like my violence, domestic

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    let him fall on his face, he might come back and just say it took a little longer for him to realize what she really wanted.

    However you should lay some ground rules down now, like she is not to wear your clothes, they are not to eat your lunch without your permission, and if she brings her kid over you will not watch her or be responsible for her.
     
  6. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You're only responsible for them where their actions start to affect your life, eg. eating your food, wearing your clothes, depending on you for babysitting services. As much as it may hurt, lock your door when you're not around (and get a key lock, not a button lock), keep tabs on what's yours in the fridge and around the house in case it goes missing and don't babysit when you haven't agreed to.

    If you need to leave and the kid is unattended, make sure there isn't anything small about for her to grab and tell her mom that you're leaving [edit: even if this means banging on the door of your roomie's bedroom]. Her kid is her responsibility and if the kid is hurt while you're not around, it's not your fault. As for her coming over every day, if this bothers you then you need to have a chat with your roommate. It is your house before it is hers and you have the right to a quiet night at home without visitors - end of story.
     
  7. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Thanks guys :)
     

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