I thought this might be a good place to organize the mess of thoughts that have been bogging me down this weekend, and probably will continue to for another week or two. Bear with me. I think I have a recurring problem. It always involves a girl, and goes something like this: Meet a cute girl. Realize she's interested in me. Do the cool and confident thing, have a little fun, enjoy the ride. Then we have a first date. And in one way or another, it goes well. Then everything goes south. It's like I revert to a clingy, confused 14-year-old. I turn impatient, a little needy, and overall act like a little bitch. Take the girl that inspired this blossoming rant of self-loathing. Without revealing too much about myself, I'll say we're in the same major, of which there are maybe 30 people. Met at a class gathering. She told funny stories, and I thought she was cute. So I spend the next couple of weeks pondering whether to go for it. She posts something on facebook about how shitty her birthday was, and I leap. That's the start of two months of us talking more and more, just getting to know each other. I could've just left it at that and stayed friends with her. I was enjoying the little thing we had going on. But instead, I decided to take a risk and ask her out to coffee. And that takes us to early last week. It ended up being a lot more than coffee, in fact, it was probably the best first date I've ever had (once we sorted out whether it was a date or not). So things couldn't go south from here, right? This is where it -always- goes south. And where my train of thought gets muddled. And it usually involves the girl becoming distant (in this case, reverse of the dynamic we had going on), and me becoming impatient and saying really stupid shit. She was getting ready to head back to school (we're obviously at the same school) and was seeing friends before she headed back. So for the first couple of days after it was pretty quiet, just a few back and forth texts. I asked her if she wanted to hang out tonight (thought it might be nice, since we both start classes tomorrow). She was going to see a friend she hadn't seen in a few weeks. So whatever, that's cool. I throw out Wednesday and get a resounding "possibly, if I'm not bogged down in hw" Then, last night around 1am while participating in something called the "joose challenge" she texts me back about something from earlier that night. The conversation starts off fine, but then the whole thing devolves with two texts. I ask her if she wants to hang out monday or tuesday instead. she says she's not sure, she'll have to see how tired she is and what's going on after class. I say something like "well I'm not trying to pressure you but I'd love to hang out again". she says she'll let me know. I tell her sweet, and I can help her with her homework (since I'm a year ahead). then, somewhere in my drunkenness, I squeeze out a "I guess I'm just confused on where we're at?" We went out once, why did that even pop out from under my stubby little thumbs? Anyway, she said "Idk" and I left it at that. Then I apologized sometime after I woke up this morning (that probably made it worse) and haven't heard a peep out of my phone all day. I'd love to say this was a freak incident but this kind of thing always happens after a first date, regardless of how well it went (actually, worse if it went well). I go from being fairly indifferent to... whatever this shit is. And I never catch myself until the damage is done. I even swore to myself when I got home from said date that I wouldn't do what I just did. And here we are. I don't even know where I was going with this, I guess I just wanted to get it out so I could go to bed. Clinics at 7:30am .