*Revised* Please read, my friend won't let me date his step-sister!! HELP!!

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by itsallaboutvegas, Jan 9, 2007.

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*After Reading This Thread* What Should I Do To Try And Make This Work

Poll closed Feb 8, 2007.
  1. After A Few Days Call Her Again

    1 vote(s)
    11.1%
  2. After A Few Days Show Up At Her House And Try To Talk

    5 vote(s)
    55.6%
  3. After A Few Days Send Her Flowers

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. Nothing - It's Pointless

    3 vote(s)
    33.3%
  1. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    So, Im in this very tough situation, and I feel I have exhausted myself thinking about it - so I can use all the help/advice that I get.

    I have a friend that I have known for 6 years, and he is a very dear friend to me. His mother and father divorced a couple years back, and his mother just recently met another gentleman. This gentleman has 2 beautiful daughters, 20 and 24 years old. Since I met these girls, I have kind of had a thing for the 24 year old - she is smart, sweet, caring, attractive, and we share very very deep similarities - it's almost scary. As a group(my friends and her friends) we have all gone out about 5 or 6 times in the 6 months their parents have been together. This going out based mainly on my friend(her soon to be step-brother) and her making these arrangements. It just seems that everytime we go out, we click so much, and there is this glow I feel that is in indescribable. The unfortuante thing is, my friend is very jealous and overprotected and his insecurities shine when he constantly harrasses me with questions regarding my feelings for her.
    And the story begins.....

    This past friday night, my guy friends and I decided to hit a club for some dancing and drinks. We had a great time, and as we were leaving the club, we happened to run into his step-sister and a few of her friends. They coincidentally were partying at the same club but we did not see them at all that night. They seemed very quick to invite us back to the house they were at so we could all share a few post party night caps. So we were all on our way and we met at this townhouse. After having a few drinks, this girl approaches me and says "hey i'm going out for a smoke, wanna come" So I went. As we were outside, she began to tell me that she has always had a thing for me, and that she was telling her "step-brother" that she found me very attractive and wanted to get to know me. Funny, I said, "he never told me a damn thing, but I know he doesn't agree with anyone dating anyone close to him, he just gets very insecure about it, and perhaps selfish might I add" So we had a little chuckle about it and then went back inside.
    As the night was slowly coming to an end we had all agreed to get some early breakfast before we crashed, and I quickly went to use the bathroom. As I was heading out, I heard my friend venting to her friend about how I was an unstable guy; very chauvenistic, and pig-headed, and that I was only looking for one thing. He continued to tell her that I had 5 girls at one time and messed with all their heads, and that I was not the one for his sister, he was so against it. I couldn't believe all the lies I was hearing, no of this was true. In fact, I am a sweet, caring, and soft-hearted guy, who wants nothing but the best for my girlfriends, and I respect every girl I am ever with. I then heard her friend say "quit cock-blocking, let them be happy" That night I did not approach him about it, as he was very intoxicated, and I was also slightly drunk.

    As we were about to leave to eat, his half-sister offered me to take a ride with her instead of the other couple so I went along, along with her brother. On the way, he began to throw up heavily and we had to take him home. That didn't stop us from grabbing some breakfast. While at the restaurant we talked about how we seemed so perfect for eachother, and as we left the restaurant we held hands. Next stop was a drop off at my house. As we got to my driveway, we sat for another 2 hours, getting to know eachother - it was perfect. As I was about to leave, she put her number in my cell phone and insisted I call her, saying that she always answers her phone, and practically sleeps with it in her bed. I then gave her a hug and left. As I was about to go to sleep, I sent her a surprise text message to tell her how much of a good time I had, and that I couldn't wait to do it again. She immediately wrote back saying she couldn't wait also, and made sure I was to call her that evening. So I did, that evening around 7 pm I called her....no answer. I thought that must be weird because she sais she never misses calls. So I went out that night, and when I got home around 11pm, I sent her a text message saying goodnight, and for her to call me tomorrow....no reply, no call. I then received a call from my friend(her step-brother) saying that he spoke to her, and she said that she had an amazing time with me. I followed by asking if he had said anything false behind my back, because she wasn't calling me or answering my calls. He denied everything.

    Now I am worried. I mean, I really fell for this girl and I know she fell for me, but something tells me, my snake of a friend told her some false things about me, and she listened because she knows him far better than she knows me. He won't admit to anything, and she won't call me, and I am confused as hell!! Here is what I propose to do: Wait it out for 2 more days, and if there is still no call, then I can a)call her once more to try and get a hold of her. Then again that may make me look like a desperate stalker. OR b) Drive to her house, and attempt to talk to her in person(Again, maybe a stalker issue) OR my favourite c)wait a couple days, send her a dozen lillies, and on the card write "these reminded me of you. Have a sweet day" and my name.
    I don't know what to do....I would appreciate all opinions, guys and girls and please keep this serious, I'm pretty hurt here. Much appreciated, THANK-YOU!
     
  2. armond

    armond New Member

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    Chill the fuck out first of all. Just wait it out. You already established that you are interested in her. Your friend is kind of odd, seeing as they aren't even "brother/sister" yet, if I read that correctly... Did I?

    If she wants to be with you, she will let you know. Beating yourself up over it is not going to work all that well. Do not just show up like some kind of stalker, just like you commented on.

    Your 1st suggestion is a good one, wait it for a couple of days, get your mind off of her. Call her when things have had a chance to cool down, you are not that desperate right?
     
  3. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    You are correct, I am not that desperate. I've been with and dropped many girls with no turning back, I guess this was just a little different.
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    so, perhaps your friend's concerns are valid?
     
  5. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    No I didn't mean it like that, I just meant dating here and there. I am the type that doesn't let relationships overtake my life. I was in a very serious relationship for 3.5 years, and since the breakup in June, I have dated, but not slept with anyone. Just to clarify, it's not the fact that she's not calling me that is killing me, it's the fact that she's not calling because of something he might of said, that is beyond my control.

    Anyhow, maybe I should just let it go....
     
  6. RoblesGT

    RoblesGT [Track Days: 19 ][Crashes: 1] [SuMo Days: 1 ][Cras OT Supporter

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    best thing you can do is wait it out, unfortunately,:hsd:
     
  7. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    So calling once more is probably out of the question then?
     
  8. RoblesGT

    RoblesGT [Track Days: 19 ][Crashes: 1] [SuMo Days: 1 ][Cras OT Supporter

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    you already called and texted her, the ball is in her court now ... and i know this part sucks , :hs:
     
  9. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    Shit, I guess youre right. I'm strong I can wait - I think :hs:
     
  10. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    I probably have an unpopular outlook on this because I am very loyal to friends, but I'm a firm believer in the bros before hoes code. Good friends are hard to find and there's PLENTY of girls out there unless you're a loser. My friends and I respect each others feelings about things like this, and IF you were his friend, no matter WHY he isn't comfortable with you dating this girl, you SHOULD respect it. No FRIEND intentionally does something that they KNOW is gonna make their friend uncomfortable, especially in a situation like this where he can't get away from her.

    You're laying all of this off on him and making HIM look like the ass here. There is ALWAYS more to the story and of course you're just going to tell the part that illustrates YOUR point.. The same guy could come in here and tell his side and YOU would be an ass for doing that to him. Friends don't do that kinda stuff to each other. It's ALOT easier for you to just not date the girl than it is for him to un-stepsister her.. You may not like the fact that it bothers him, but for whatever reason, it does. His "trash talking" of you was wrong. (IF it isn't true) You may however have put him in an awkward position and made him resort to this. HE's probably pissed because he thought you were his friend and aren't taking his feelings about this into consideration and trying to hook up with her anyway. Just remember friends are very close to your heart and IF you don't treat them right, the close trusting feelings of closeness they have towards you will go totally opposite and will fuel them the to the point of being powerful enemies. Some one who's close to you can hurt you alot more than a stranger. Thus stronger feelings of hatred will be forged in the event of a fallout\betrayal... Seen it happen 11ty times..
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2007
  11. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    That is true, but I imagine his friend feels the same about him for not respecting the fact that this bugs the ever lovin shit outta him and he's STUCK in the middle with no way out. Just *might* anger and frustrate someone to the point of shit talking.

    Kinda like if you became close FRIENDS with your wife\ex wife or whatever she is to you now. (I know you still care about her is the reason I'm using this for an example.) Yall hung out alot as friends and weren't dating or anything. You invited one of your close guy friends along on some trips or what not.. Your friend and wife start having an attraction for one another.. You are like WHOA, sorry man, I'm NOT comfortable with you doing this. You would feel awkward and it just wouldn't be cool. Well... He goes ahead and pursues a relationship with her anyway. Well, 99% of guys are going to be pissed that their bud is trying to get with this girl, make everything VERY weird for them, and possibly make them unhappy. They ARE going to use their position of trust with the girl to make it not happen.. 1) Tried to let friend know it bugged ya and then went for it anyway.. (it pissed ya off) 2) You're STUCK in the middle she IS ALWAYS going to be your ex wife, the step sister thing is even worse in this case. 3) You're mad at the friend anyway, your temper is most likely going to talk you into shit talking as a last resort.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2007
  12. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    I will talk to you as a brother. If I have a friend who is unstable I will tell them NO when it comes to my sister. I do not go talking crap behind his back but if my sister asks me questions about him I will be truthful. My sister has hooked up with several of my friends I have allowed all but one. And the one I denied I told him to his face(he has some issues btw) "As a friend I would be concerned with you dating my sister. (Gave a few examples) Truthfully my sister does not have anything for you at this moment she has another guy in her life(which was true)." and left it at that and he respected me and it never affected our relationship and this was ~5 months ago. So before you crucify your friend look back at your past relationship and what he said. Have you done anything to make him think those things? Have you done anything to scare him about you dating his step? I enjoy when my friends/people I know date my sister because I know them and I let them know if they step out of line I will set them straight.
     
  13. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    I believe the real reason he trash talked me is because he is jealous. The truth is, what I think I forgot to mention is, he constantly talks about how hot she is, and prior to his moms engagement to this guy, he was contemplating messing around with her. He just took her to his Christmas party and couldn't stop talking about how nice her ass looked in her dress. Now that he realizes he can't have her, he won't let anyone have her, and that makes him selfish. Same thing applied to a few weeks ago....we went to a club and he saw an old girlfriend from highschool that he was really interested in, she didn't feel the same way, but commented on how gorgeous she thought I was. Do you think he told me? Yup he did, the next day. How the fuck am I supposed to talk to her now, it's a day too late. Jealousy, and it really upsets me
     
  14. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Well.. I CAN see where he's coming from.. If you REALLY wanted to date a girl and for some stupid reason like this you couldn't. Would you REALLY want to know that a good friend of yours is hitting it and YOU have to hear\think about it.. Not really, but that shit happens.. However, he's going to be STUCK see her all the time and thinking WHAT IF, and then realizing that his friend is getting what HE wanted. If it didn't bother him, I would say go for it, but it does, so I would just move on to the next girl.. Odds are if you did end up convincing her he lied, he would find another way to sabotage the relationship OR it would end on it's own. Then you would be out a friend AND not have the girl.

    Everyone's saying he's not a friend because he's not letting you get your way and be happy. Well, that's a two way street.. You're not giving him alot of options here.. He CAN'T un-sister her.. You can much more easily not date her.. Friendships are give and take.. Maybe this is your time to give.
     
  15. itsallaboutvegas

    itsallaboutvegas New Member

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    In all honesty, I have done nothing out of the ordinary. Let me begin by saying all the friends in my click(Including this guy) have slept with over 30 girls, I have slept with a mere 3....not because I am some loser who can't get laid, but because I really respect myself, and don't wan't to just sleep with anything I see. He knows I am very stable, and she does too. To be quite frank, I think I am very odd because I am very different from the rest, thus making us all best friends. I really think his issue is jealousy and insecurity. I cannot confront him the way I want to because he turns away, and doesn't give straight answers....it's like talking to a 5 year old kid
     
  16. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Have another one of your friends take him out drinking and get to the bottom of what's bothering him.. If you want to ever have a chance of keeping him as a friend AND\OR getting to date her, you're going to need to work this out with him first.. He has a very good position to screw you over with her if he wants to anyway.
     
  17. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    OR... You could do THAT, not find out WHY it REALLY bothers him, lose a friend, possibly lose OTHER mutal friends as a result, and probably not get the girl anyway. Like the girl is REALLY gonna want to date you after you stirred up shit with her family.. That'll make it complicated for her. That's pretty much gonna make you an untouchable to her. At least if you tried to work it out with him, she will respect that and see you as the good guy in the situation.
     
  18. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Wait.. What??? Reading must've owned me.. WHAT did he do before. Maybe I missed something, I'm trying to work and post at the same time with my boss like feet away and in and out of the room.
     
  19. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Pending a response to the above, if he DID do something before, don't necessarily stay best friends, but keep him at arms length and a technical "friend".. Just one you keep an eye on. Sort of Damage Control.. It sounds like they have a circle of friends that they're both part of. If he has a legitimate reason to not want this, then the rest of the ppl may not look highly upon our buddy here taking the aggressor position. Along with reinforcing that he's willing to drop ppl close to him for the next NEW thing.. And her having to deal with a step brother that has influence in her new family and just so happens to not approve of her seeing him.. WHY exactly if she's so hott and perfect would she wanna possibly make her life hell and try to be with THIS guy when she can easily have whoever she wants??? It would just be better off overall to talk it out first with him to see. THEN take it from there.. If he won't talk to him, the have another friend within the circle get him drunk and get the truth. Being HASTY cuz you're butthurt is rarely the answer both opposing parties should take.
     
  20. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    you need to sit down with your friend then. You need to find out whats wrong with him. His dad is hooking up with her mom. They will be step-brother/step-sister. He needs to move on. You just need to sit him down in a 1 on 1 area (not public) sit down with the tv going quietly a few drinks around and talk like friends do. You need to be like "Man I heard what you said about me and that bothers me(of course remind him of the incident). Why do you feel this way about me?" and try to get something worked out. A true friend will work with you. If he becomes an ass find a new friend. Friends do not act that way toward one another.
     
  21. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    So, his friend not telling him about a comment a girl made who HE (the friend) wants to hook up with is wrong?? How is that similar to not wanting him to date his step sis anyway?? How many guys do you know who get hooked on a girl, get shot down, and then WANT to help her hook up with one of their friends??? That's just being a guy man.. Sheezee.. "hey man, see that smokin hott chick over there?? It's what's her name I used to date from high school. She's SOOO great. I tried to get with her, but she wouldn't have it.. OH, by the way, she thinks you're hot.. Why don't YOU go fuck her and tell me what all I missed... LOL

    Dude, you're definitely the guy that other guys WANT TO go to clubs with.. LOL
     
  22. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    yea but come on over the years we have all gotten upset at our friends (even though it may be our fault) and said some crap behind their back. No ones perfect. The real test is will his friend see he is wrong and correct the situation? I have said things before that within a few days I was calling up and apologizing to everyone around because it wasn't the truth. Some times emotions can overpower your logic.:o
     
  23. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    That's kinda ironic considering who it's coming from, BUT I'm staying out of that.. (11ty page thread spanning a very long time span with ppl TRYING to convince you do do what you just said... Recall?)

    He already said his friend was drunk.. Alot off ppl I know are asses when they're drunk. I used to believe the extremely intoxicated is no excuse shit, but recently at a club I tried to break up with my wonderful GF of 5.5 years, get in a fight with a 7 foot black dude, AND got carried out by 5 bouncers after I passed out.. There's like 3 hours that I have seen pics from but CAN'T REMEMBER at all. I don't want to break up with my gf... WTF?? I wouldn't believe I even said that unless I didn't trust her or the ppl that heard me. She laughed it off the next day when I was like WTF? HUH?? Besides.. The stuff he said must've came from somewhere, there's usually a little bit of truth in those things that ppl wanting advice ARE NOT about to tell you about while they're trying to get your pity..
     
  24. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Exactly.. Friends do dumb shit when they get upset.. We're all human.. He's INTENTIONALLY upsetting and frustrating him. They're BOTH at fault. It's just easier for Romeo to fix.
     
  25. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    I'm very proud of you for it by the way. You da man..

    There at the end I think we're coming to a common ground.. I just said that he needs to make an effort to find out WHY it bothers his friend so much.. There might be more to it than he knows. There's no sense in rushing out, cussing him out, fighting with him, and cutting out of his life right off the bat.. I mean, after he's TRIED to get to the bottom of it, by all means, he can distance himself from him, but being a total ass about it would probably just lose him this friend, a few others, AND the girl..
     

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