Reverse Psychology

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by TGrant, Feb 13, 2006.

  1. TGrant

    TGrant New Member

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    I have finally resorted to using this method in my relationship.

    To give some background I have been with the same girl for 7+ years, we are in our mid twenties.

    Around 3-4 years ago, the sex life started to become very slow, twice a week, then once a week, once a month, once ever two months......and that's about where we are now once every 1-2 months.

    Of course it was great in the begining, it was like every other day. Now real life has set in and it's pretty "uninteresting". I am forced to initiate every intimate encounter.

    I have tried to explain to her how important that this whole thing is to me, and that guys find intimacy through sex and not so much through hand holding and living in the same house.

    I have tried and tried and ultimately failed. One day last week, I gave her a good ole smack on the ass and she reeks, "Why do you always have to do that?"

    I thought to myself fine, I'll quit, little did I know that I could take it further.

    I haven't reached for a boob, smacked an ass for around 2 weeks and it seem to be doing wonders.

    Today she asks me, whats going on with me and why won't I grab her butt or whatnot. I tell her that I am not really interested in that, I have too much on my mind and don't have time to think about those things.

    She is in a fury, she doesn't get it. She wants to know, why I am not making random passes at her.......because it's starting to drive her crazy. It's turning her on, by the mere fact that I am not drooling at the mere sight of her. I am having a good time with this, haha.

    Has anyone else ever used reverse psychology to get some much needed spark back into their relationship?
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Ugh. Why not just be mature adults and sit down and discuss the problems in your relationship?
     
  3. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Reverse psychology certainly seems to be working for you, but I would warn you not to take it too far and end up driving her away. Be careful.
     
  4. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Face it, the largest majority of people in their mid-20s aren't "mature adults." Only those of us who have had to step up and take on major responsibilities in our young lives seem to "get" the concept of serious discussion.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    First of all, she might not know what she wants, or what's missing all of a sudden. In that case, a conversation wouldn't do as much as trying something new out.

    Second of all, even if she did, and she talked it out openly and seriously, I bet there's a high chance she would tell him the following: "ignore me more." Sometimes a change of direction is exactly what you need.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    He said he tried to and it didn't work. And let's face it, a conversation about why they are having less sex isn't going to turn anyone on. If anything it will just make her feel bad and she'll be even less horny. It's not something he should do forever but it sounds like it's working and she's starting to want it again. Sometimes you just have to try something new to bring the spark back.
     
  7. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    dude that would just piss me off. ive used this but on girlfriends that i really dont have much respect for
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Because sometimes the problem in the relationship *IS* all the sitting down and talking about crap. Quite frankly, since when is talking about not getting laid sexy? Since when is it a turn on? Has it EVER in the history of man ever gotten anyone laid? I mean, seriously, I think it's a stupid idea (no offense!) to think you can talk everything out.

    What he is doing now is being a challenge. He is appealing to the emotional side of his woman by making her wonder what is going on. He is being mysterious and not desperate which - in my opinion - is a turn on for women. Women often don't like guys chasing them, hinting or asking for sex, throwing themselves at her feet. I get more women turned on by leaning back when they try to kiss me, by flirting and playing hard to get, etc., then by saying "So, I think we have a problem. We're not having enough sex."

    What about you? :dunno:
     
  9. SantorinA4

    SantorinA4 New Member

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    I deal with this with my g/f. Her asking why we don't have sex makes me not want to have it more. What is funny about all this talk of no sex, is when I try to have sex with her on a day we haven't talked about it and she says it "tickles" or she is too "relaxed". I would think being relaxed would be a good thing. So...I'm like why do I even bother. :hs:
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I've ALWAYS talked to my husband when there is a problem in our relationship. We HAVE had discussions about this. I would MUCH RATHER have a mature conversation about it than have him play some childish games.
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    And I totally agree, but when it comes to sex I think that talking about it is plain not sexy! You have to flirt, joke, have fun and be romantic. I can sit and tell you how horny I am and I seriously doubt that is going to turn ANY woman on.

    But sure, if you have problems with finances, dirty dishes, or some other typical problem then talking about it in a mature way is the only way to go.
     
  12. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Talking about sex CAN be sexy :naughty: if you do it right.

    Seriously though, if you can't talk to your SO (especialy after SEVEN years) about sex, what kind of relationship do you truly have together?

    She might not even realize that things have changed and maybe it needs to be brought to her attention.

    edit: Obviously this isn't the conversation to have when you're already horny and feeling very frustrated. Don't be confrontational either.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2006
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Damn straight! But that's what I call flirting.... ;)

    See, my take on it is that this is a symptom of something more serious. To me it indicates a loss of interest on the part of one or both parties. Talking about the sex or other small issues will not adequately address the true issue. And what is the true issue?

    Maybe you've become too predictable, boring, maybe you've lost your temper too often (lack of self control), or maybe you just lack confidence (self-confidence) and it's unattractive. I try to tell guys to deal with this kind of stuff in one of two ways - either very flirty and non-serious, or VERY calm and controlled but VERY in-depth looking at the REAL problem. For example, you saw her with some other guy, but have not told her it bothered you. You have to be honest about that stuff. I also recommend that if you do something like that, don't get all mushy (i.e., "It makes me sad when you do that.") but rather point out the problem with her acting like that (i.e., "When you do that it is disrespectful and makes me look like a fool. I won't tolerate that and I don't think you realize that, correct?")

    Realistically how you deliver the message can be as important as the message itself, which is why you have to act like a complete gentleman. No yelling, no blaming, no passive-aggressive BS. Be straight up and honest, and speak about the bigger picture. Seriously, if my SO does something that pisses me off, I'll bring it up RIGHT AWAY or as soon as I realize it pissed me off. Yeah, I have fucked up quite a few good evenings, but I would rather ruin an evening than my whole relationship.

    Or flirt. That's what I like to do. ;)
     
  14. TGrant

    TGrant New Member

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    I would like to point out that there have been some serious adult conversations about this very issue. We had a pretty good conversation about it, about a year ago, to the point to where she was crying because she felt to saddened by the whole ordeal. About a year ago, she spoke to her OBGYN regarding the lack of her "drive" and he informed her that her lack of a sex drive was very "sexually unhealthy". The OBGYN then informed her that she should try and have sex 3 times a week, but on one condition, she must orgasm every time.

    No matter how many times in a week that we did it, it was still a chore to her. She felt obligated to give in, regardless of what she wanted inside. Talking about it multiple times have gotten us nowhere, it only makes her less interested in what our sex life has to offer, which has led me to this path.

    I am not in total withdrawal from her, we still kiss and hug, I am just not making random passes to smack her ass, hold a boob, etc. I am showing her that I still love her, it's just that I am not that interested in getting involved in the sexual side of our relationship.

    After three full days of this, I already have dividends. I had the first g/f initiated encounter in the last 4 years. She became her old self, IT WAS AMAZING. It was passionate, loving and everything that has been missing within our relationship for awhile now. I hope that I have lit a fire under her ass and sparked her interest again.
     
  15. low20

    low20 Member

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    i can relate to this....its true, once youve tried talking about it and stuff you get fed up and you say to yourself...well whatever im doing now is not working so why not try a different approach? it cant hurt" telling ur gf about how u dont think u have enough sex is such a bad move...normally they get all pissed "thats all you care about" all that crap, and it ends up not working one bit, so the next time you make a move its even worse. the reverse psych kinda works sometimes...more or less just realize some of the things you normally do that could anoy her, likesmaking the ass or grabbing the boob...to her, its an annoyance...wrong place wrong time, whatever it may be, it symbolizes that your trying to make a move on her...girls like to be slowly turned into things, not just like, oh u grabbed my tit, lets fuck...most of the time it wont be like that. they like to be comforted first, back rub, move into it slowly, get the mood right first....it sucks and its a slow process that guys feel, should not have to be performed every ime, but chicks feel that they have total control over sex (they usually do) and that guys "owe" them something for everytime they do the deed...
     

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