Remaining emotionally distant

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Abomb, Jul 21, 2007.

  1. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    This is probably my biggest problem and personal weakness of mine. I become too attached too quickly. I always seem to move too fast emotionally in relationships. This seems to be purely internal but im sure it somehow starts reflecting on the outside. Ive been with my current girlfriend for 3 months and she already wants to say I love you all the time. She already wants to get an apartment and live with me. Heres the kicker - she is 21 and has a kid (im 21 as well). I do not have any desire to be babys daddy nor move into an apartment with her and become babys daddy. The kid is 17 months old. And I work with her as well at outback steakhouse. I guess I am going against everything I would normally say and do... Ive stuck it out this far because she has been a pretty fun chick and the sex is amazing.

    I got pretty pissed off at her @ work last night. Her ex boyfriend who she has a fucked up history with and is kind of a crazy guy "randomly" shows up at our work (they have been broken up for a year) to wish her happy birthday out of no where. they had a bad break up. she was talking to him at work for 15 minutes straight then she walks away and comes back and is gabbing for another 5-10 minutes with him. I get pissed and decide not to talk to her. She says it was just a hi how are u doing catching up type deal but I already let her know if she is going to continue talking to him or hanging out with him that im OUT like a fat kid in dodgeball. Your thoughts on the entire situation / relationship as a whole?
     
  2. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Florida
    If you consciously recognize it and can't stop it I'd recommend a sabbatical from relationships. My friend is exactly the same, he falls for whatever chick gives him attention so hard that we completely stop seeing him until they break up. He doesn't know how to get into a relationship without completely emotionally attaching instantly, which imo is a huge problem.

    Consciously try to work on it, if that doesn't work take a step back from relationships and work on it. It's not something someone else is going to change about you, this is one of those things only you can do.
     
  3. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    I figured out my problem. I get all of my validation from women. all of it. If they arent telling me how awesome, hot, sexy, big dicked I am I get into a bad mood. If I am getting treated and complimented like a god I feel on top of the world.

    What do I have to do to live my life free of achieving my validation through women alone? Ive tried to sit back and 'think' about it before, and it has not fixed this problem. Ive had this problem since I was 5 years old or so it seems now that I think about it. How do I 'free' myself?
     
  4. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Florida
    Validate yourself? That's what I do.
     
  5. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2001
    Messages:
    5,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Find something that gives you more satisfaction than attention from women.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    i highly advise that you do not move in with her

    and why do you want to be tied down at this point in your life?

    what is the benefit to you?
     
  7. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    And that is where my issue truly lies. Nothing ive found yet has satisfied me more or given me that emotional 'high' feeling than attention from women
     
  8. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2001
    Messages:
    5,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Didn't you start a thread about wanting to start something MMA related?
     
  9. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    Yeah.. i hear you yail. I havent told her yet that im not going to move in with her, its probably going to either piss her off or really upset her one way or the other. I dont know Ive always been a relationship type of guy for the most part, I enjoy constant 'meaningful' :mamoru: sex with one chick at a time.

    My problem with becoming too emotionally attached to women then leads to them being able to control my emotions because sometimes I just lose it and let them piss me off. like the original example i listed with my gf last night. this is probably my only major flaw with women and it is a damaging one and i have no idea how to control it. im that guy that will be pissed off at my gf and refuse to text her or call her until she calls/texts me yet be watching my phone every second waiting for her to text. :greddy:
     
  10. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    Ive already been to 6 classes in the past week and a half. in fact I just got back from golds gym a few mins ago. i was so pissed off yesterday about what happened with my girl and her ex coming into our work on purpose pulling that shit that i didnt eat from like 1 pm until 12 at night.
     
  11. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2001
    Messages:
    5,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Nothing works for straightening you out like having somebody choking the piss out of you a few times a week. It's like magic.
     
  12. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    yes but that has unfortunately yet to fix this one major remaining issue i have with females :p
     
  13. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Florida
    Well, I used to be in the same boat, then I found things I loved to do, specifically shit involving movies. It seems stupid to everyone else, I know and don't really care because I enjoy it. Find something you enjoy doing more than being around a chick. I'm sure there's something out there, explore popular hobbies, etc.
     
  14. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    I used to get too invested too quickly.

    Then I had my heatbroken by the girl I thought I was going to marry.... Now, I think that I am going to have the opposite problem in the future; having my guard up too high and being too distant with future women.
     
  15. I am that way, I don't get emotional with women, I don't say I love you, and even if I care, I don't get to a point and show it.
     
  16. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    723
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Britain


    I believe she has to respect that a guy will get creeped out by her spending time with an ex of hers. Two people who broke up and become friends are always going to have that "connection" aren't they ;)
     
  17. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    thats what i was trying to tell her. they dated for a long time and had a fucked up history together. she shouldnt have been sitting there talking to him for 15 minutes :ugh:
     
  18. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    well, i laid down the law anyways. i told her if she thought it was ok to continue to talk to him or even hang out with him that i was OUT.
     
  19. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2001
    Messages:
    5,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Three months in and you're giving her an ultimatum? Get ready for the single life.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    he has tons of options
     
  21. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, Washington
    this is called not wasting time with shit you don't want you dumbass
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    And I bet that works in your favor to increase their attraction to you...
     
  23. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    its more setting boundaries instead of an ultimatum my friend. im telling her if she is interested in restarting any sort of relationship with her ex platonic or not that i would rather be single than put up with it. im not going to be that guy.
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    im just trying to figure out how mentally i can stop myself from becoming so emotionally invested in any of my relationships with women so quickly. i dont act like a bitch at all, at all times i strive to take control and lead my relationships like any man should. i just want to put up that proverbial wall and have it come down alot more slowly than it does.
     
  25. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    Is she just friends with him or is there something more there? That connection will always be there if they were serious.

    My ex and I dated for 6 years and planned to get married and all that and she broke it off prematurely so there is still a strong connection between us... even as "friends".... and everyone can see it.

    I am afraid that when she get a b/f or I get a g/f that our friendship will cause many complications. We both made a pact though that if our future SO's give us an ultimatum we will tell them to fuck off and keep the friendship over anything... Whether or not this will hold true, who knows. But it should show you that she very well may tell you to take a hike by giving her that choice.

    You see it as "not wasting time" but she sees it as a guy trying to control her life.
     

Share This Page