Religion/conflicts with not being religous

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by tubachris85x, Oct 19, 2007.

  1. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Well, I wanted to how many people have this issue. I myself am not religous at all, but I do consider myself agnostic. My gf is episcipalian christian. I dont care what religion she wants to be, and Im not the person to tell her "no, dont believe in this or that." Sometimes however, we get into little opinionated arguments, and she says everytime, "I dont know how are relationship is going to work if you dont believe in god" (any god for that matter)

    I just try to tell her my opinions on certain things, but sometimes I get the feeling that one of these days, she's going to put her religion before me.

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    She probably already does. She defers to her lord, and you currently defer to no higher power. That's a pretty big fundamental difference in how you operate.
     
  3. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    I'm in this exact same situation. i've been in my relationship almost 5 years, and we have this religion argument about once every month or two. over time though we seem to have come to a concensus that I will go on not believing anything, and he will go on being a Catholic. We're not trying to change each other, just trying to live in harmony. One thing I've found that helps is when I try to learn about his religion and beliefs, it makes him feel like I care (which I do, by the way). I also try to explain my position in ways that arent aggressive, although I cant say this always works. Anyhow, good luck!
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Have fun in the relationship but don't expect it to last. She has already let you know that she isn't expecting it to last. Religion is one of those things that are you really better off dating someone who agrees with you on it. I have never dated a guy who is religious and I wouldn't ever want to. People get way too into their religions and she's just gonna bring that up every single time you guys argue.
     
  5. Stev

    Stev Active Member

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    depends on how seriously you guys practice and value your belief's.

    Im a devout christian, but i would never push my belief's on someone else or try to start a fight over it. But i think if i was in a relationship with an athiest.. i dont think i could do it for the long haul.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    it won't last.

    She will eventually start to push her beliefs on you, because that is part of the belief system...to show/convert others to that way of thinking.

    Not to mention, religon is a major value for some, and not sharing a big value is going to weaken the relationship.
     
  7. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Currently, I'm not practicing any religion or anything. I do believe there is a God, but thats about as far as it goes. I was going out with someone for 2 years when I switched from Catholicism to Christianity. Christianity taught me to put God over everything else. I broke up with my bf because he couldnt go to church with me and because we were intimate, and I was feeling guilt. I felt he was too much of a temptation to me. I no longer am that into Christianity, I took it to the extreme and I made a horrible mistake for it.
    What I'm saying is try not to put your hopes on this girl. Chances are she already puts her religion above all else and it may not last long. I wish you the best of luck.
     
  8. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    The issue is that I dont care, its just I cannot believe it. If she wants to, thats fine. I dont have issues with going to church with her, cause the people their are cool, but Im not going to change from it at all. She asks me to go to certain events and such that involve her church, such as part of a christmas parade within the first 2 months of our relationship.

    Just some conflicts are as follows:
    1) She says that if we ever do end up staying together and possibly get married (just theoretically) she wonders how I would raise kids..I told her, wait until they can think for themselves and let them decide, she says that she would take them to church and read them the bible starting the day their born.

    Issue with this, is that she seems to think that they can *decide* for themselves as soon as their born. You dont force bible and church service on a kid since they were born, for them to not end up believing it. I told her that I would wait till they are teens, but she disagrees, and thinks that what she wants to do is not forcing anything.

    2) Evolution. Ha! We are monkeys, get over it. Her: No!!!!!!!!!!!

    3) The other day, she says that she prays for me to do well in school and that I will succeed. Im very happy that she feels this way, the only thing is, I told her she dosnt have to pray, but just tell me instead. The reason I said this, is because I honestly do not believe in prayer, in that it dosnt do anything realistically, except give the person praying a form of hope or make them feel better about themselves

    just some examples
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Why not just accept that you believe different things? If she wants to pray for you because she believes in the power of prayer, let her and appreciate that she cares about you. If she wants to read to the bible to your future children, accept that with the understand that (and she should agree to this) when they are old enough to think for themselves (I'd say like middle schoolish), they are allowed to decide if they want to go to church. There's nothing wrong with believing two different things as long as you don't judge each other or look at each other like, "YOU'RE WRONG!" Lots of people have successful relationships with SO of different belief systems. It's all in how you relate to each other and accept each other.
     
  10. mandarin orange

    mandarin orange OT Supporter

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    i'm in the same situation.. except mine isnt as bad because my gf is more open minded.

    i can't stand christians/catholics who force their religion on everyone. that's probably why i'm non-religious. i'm pretty much agnostic.. is there a god? maybe there is... maybe there isnt.. there's no point to try to prove if there is or isnt one.

    plus i'm a biology major. one of my core courses was animal biology.. we studied evolution. my gf definately and i do not see eye to eye in the whole evolution aspects. but she respects my views and i respect hers.

    i suggest sitting down with your girl and try to see things from each other's side. she was raised believing there is a god.. you however do not believe in one. there's truly no way to prove either one of you are correct.. but you two should be able to understand each other's thoughts and reasonings. if she can not maturely sit down and see your point of view, then maybe it's time to end it.. because eventually.. the same discussion will occur.
     
  11. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    1) My parents baptized me catholic and took me to church as a baby until I was about 11ish. We stopped going to church because my mom and dad had 2 babies (my lil bros) and my mom couldn't find time to go anymore. We started goign again when I turned 15 (my choice) until I was 18. At 18 I turned Christian and now at 19 I just believe in God and don't follow any form of religion. Point is even if you take a kid to church the final decision is their. As the mother if she wants to take them to church once they are born, then it's really her choice because the kid can't exactly say no.

    2) stop talking about each other's beliefs, because obviously you don't like her religion and she doesn't like yours.

    3) If she wants to pray for you, let her. Just tell her she doesn't have to tell you those things. When you pray it's between you and God, she shouldn't be going around telling people she prays for them.
     
  12. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    BTW, if this relationship fails, it seems like it will because you both care more about being right than being together.
     
  13. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    She somewhat tried early in our relationship, but not that extreme. She eventually gave up though. I told her straight out from the beginning that I do not believe in god, and she said she understands. Like I said, Ive sat through countless services with her, just so that I can be with her for that day or for that weekend.

    Im willing to even help out at a church, and whatever, but like I said, I'll never believe it.

    Now no offense, but if she was baptist, it probably wouldnt have lasted even a month, if that with me at least. Im sorry, but baptists, at least down where I was living before I move for college, made me not even want to go near a church.

    The reason, I got a small gig playing tuba in their orchestra every sunday. I never told them I wasnt baptist (however they automatically assumed it). I got the gig through the florida youth orchestra, where the director of the top brass and one of the tromebone players were a part of that church.

    One day, that tromebone player somehow figured I wasnt baptist. So I was getting ready to leave the church one day after the gig, and he came up top me with his church buddies, and said flat out to me, "hey man, next time, bring your family, your girlfriend and your other friends so that we can save them from going to hell." They had the biggest smiles on their face too.. I said "..ok," and I never came back.

    Thats why I feel that way about baptists.
     
  14. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Add to my last post:

    The experience with the baptist pushed me farther from being religous at all
     
  15. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    :rofl: Well I knew it wouldn't be long till you started ending peoples relationships for no reason.

    Many many many many many many many many successfull relationships are 2 people with 2 different beleifs.

    Hell my mother was religious, my father was not in any way. Once I became of age to think on my own I stopped going to church and don't beleive in god. But the difference in beleifs on what to teach me as a young child (religion wise) didn't come between them at all.

    Hell my sister is in the same boat with her husband. Him and his family are hardcore somethingorothers (branches from mormons, but doesn't beleive in the multipartner thing), her kids go to church. And when they are of age they can decide for themselves.

    Please Viper, I am pleading with you. Don't go back to your old ways of telling anyone who makes a thread in the Vag that their relationship is doomed and they need to end it now before it goes bad. (why not wait to see if goes bad, and if it does end it then :dunno:)
     
  16. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    We are merely expressing our difference of opinions
     
  17. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    I concur


    If theres ANY form of religion I believe in, its closest form is martial arts, and thats the only thing I do believe, not necessarily a god in a sense but its something I honestly believe.

    I guess I can work this out: She can teach kids all the bible she wants, but Im going to make sure they dont end up as pansies and I'll train them in martial arts, to be able to stand for themselves
     
  18. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I'm not messed up, my parents had 2 different beleif system. My sisters aren't messed up, they had 2 different beleif systems. A lot of my friends aren't messed up and their parents had different beleif systems.

    Hell if my dad made a thread like this 25 years ago (lets say the internet was around back then), and some Viper told him to jump ship because his kids will "have serious issues" I wouldn't be around right now... and for no real reason - just some asshat on the internet that thinks things have to be perfect between two people for it to ever work out with them.
     
  19. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    That's the best way to do it. Them learning the bible and going to church young isn't going to hurt them in any way. It'll teach them good morals etc (even though those morals are still learned without church, but whatever). And when they are able to make the decision they will, no harm done.
     
  20. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I am currently in an interfaith relationship, and i am also the product of one.

    Now, my parents interfaith did NOT work out, at all. My father was an atheist, my mother was vaguely Christian. Here is why it didn't work: my father would not accept that my mothers views were simply different than his, if she said something not in line with his beliefs, he would aruge with her, ridicule her, etc. My mother, took this shit, instead of simply saying: Julien, this is what I believe, you are simply going to have to respect that.


    All of the relationships on my fathers side are interfaith. The key to making them work (and I have seen them work) is to simply respect the other persons views. Easier said than done, and it doesn't sound liek your girlfriend is capable of this. This goes beyond not preaching to her/you. It means treating the other persons beliefs as though they are as valid as yours (which they are). This means discussing beliefs, and understanding that your partners actions will be influenced by these beliefs, and accepting that.
    In general, when I have seen conflicts arise from interfaith relationships, it has been on the issue of children.
    In regards to children, what I have seen work best, is for both sides to present their position on any given matter, followed with 'but I think mommy/daddy may have a different idea about this, you hsould also talk to him/her.
    All religion/prayer/beliefs are a path to God, which ones you choose should not create conflict, they should really help strenghthen your belief system.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2007
  21. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Number one IS an issue you need to discuss. As for two and three, why the fuck is this even a conversation topic? It doesn't matter. If you are bringing this up, or argueing about it, you are just as at fault as she is.
    If she brings it up:
    Her "i am of the opinion we were made from one man and one woman and they rode Trexs to work every morninng"
    You: okay
    Her: blablabla you should believe what I do blaevangalizebla
    You: If this is going to work out we need to respect each others differences, spiritually and otherwise, i'm willing to do that, are you?
     
  22. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    :werd: Just accept each other and don't try to push your beliefs on one another. Agree that if you have children together, you'll both get to present your beliefs fairly and respectfully and let the children decide for themselves. People make it work all the time, the key is to not argue and think of it as a wrong or right thing, more of an individual choice thing.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Are you saying he is a statistical anomaly or that he is lying
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    In regards to the thread, I have the probably arrogant feeling that I could convert w/e girl who was with me to being less religious if it came to it. :o
     
  25. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I'm sure you could, esp if you're american and shes Christian. Most relationships like that the religious one seems to tone it down w/ in the relationship. People of the predominant religious group in a country seem far less devout than minority groups.
     

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