relationships + religious views

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DavidC, May 29, 2008.

  1. DavidC

    DavidC New Member

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    this post might be some ramblings and might not make much sense but i just need to get somethings off my chest

    first off i'm not religious and if any i would be buddhist. the girl i was dating is christian and supposedly is one of those very churchy girls. it didnt come up as an issue when we first met. we just briefly chatted about it.

    we met back in march 07 and things progressed pretty quickly but at this time she didn't really go to church. she would choose to hang out with me on sundays instead and only go to church about once a month.

    in early 08 she wanted to go to church again like real badly and started to say how she can't believe that she put me before God and all that stuff. she started going to church every sunday and then started going to bible study. And a month or 2 ago started saying she wanted to go on missions and retreats and stuff.

    Things were also getting kind of serious and she was graduating in May. She tells me that theres no way she could marry me because i'm not christian and that theres no real point in dating anymore.

    A week ago she dumped me after her last final and tells me shes going to hawaii for a month and then overseas to teach english for a year.

    tells me that she is being selfish now since she wasnt when she was with me. thats why she put me before god.
    she doesnt want to have to consider me when making her next decisions in life.

    I mean i'm all for people doing their own thing but what was the purpose of getting into a serious relationship knowing in the end she couldnt be with me.

    i just feel like crap since i really cared about and liked this girl and put forth effort.

    I understand its only been a year but it's just the religion thing that sucks since theres not much that can be done.


    cliffs:
    girl is christian. gets in a serious relationship with me. a year goes by. breaks up with me because theres no point in dating me anymore since she would never marry a non christian.

    what was the point of making it serious? I just got screwed in the end.
     
  2. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    There was probably a point in time where she did want to be with you, then she changed her mind.
    You didn't waste your time just because the relationship ended
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Don't beat yourself up dude, she's the typical kind of Christian from what I've experienced; in fact, this issue has come up here a lot lately. Many, many people make the mistake of seriously dating people without thinking of the important issues, always pushing them aside thinking you'll just figure them out or they'll go away. One of the most important issues is religion.

    In your case, you found a girl who was most likely raised very Christian who went through a phase where it no longer seemed as important (usually the teen years). She started to put her faith on the back-burner and focused more on you. The problem with that is almost always these kinds of people eventually feel pressured to get back into the groove of church-going. She started to feel guilty whch is even worse.

    The more she went to church the more she realized that it was important to her and would be important to her for life. Sadly you got tossed aside in this scenario because you (like me and many others) are not into organized religion. I made the mistake a few years ago of dating a guy who in the past was a devout Catholic. I took his virginty and probably 2-3 months into the relationshp he started freaking out and attending mass once a week and telling me I should go. He started to feel guilty. Needless to say that luckily ended by 4 months and I haven't dated a church-goer since.

    However, while this must be a sad time for you consider yourself very lucky that this ended now at a year. She very easily could have never placed this much importance on your non-Christian faith until years from now when maybe you were planning marriage...and then you'd be fucked.

    This is also good because now you can learn from this (the same way I did). Now for the future never take for granted things like religion, ethncity, etc. Also, she's leaving! Not having to see her and talk to her will help you get over her. Do not contact her anymore or try to win her back because it's pointless. You should never change who you are and what you believe the same way she doesn't expect you to become a Christian. There are millions of women out there who would gladly date you and aren't as hardcore Christian.
     
  4. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    Take what you can from the relationship, and move on. that's all you can do. some people are more committed to their religion than others, and you shouldn't try to change them. I'm sorry though :hug:
     
  5. Freeze Time

    Freeze Time New Member

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    Im going through almost the EXACT same situation right now.

    Met a great girl new years 07. Hit it off, religion comes up a little bit, but is never a focus. She takes me to church with her, but other than it never came up too often.

    We drink sometimes, have sex, and generally religion isnt important. We get ALONG great and have an AWESOME relationship.

    As things progress, religion starts to come up a little bit, and we have some discussions about what I believe, and I tell her that I dont really believe in it.

    Anyways, long story short we broke up a week ago over our religious differences.

    Really really sucks when you really love someone and something like religion comes in between you.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hug:

    I'm trying to do a search right now because this topic is extremely common. Sorry it happened, but just know for the future it's silly to keep up a serious relationship without fully talking about these kinds of things. Like the TS, be glad this ended now and not later when you were far more emotionally invested :hs:

    I remember being inhigh school and these kinds of issues were far too grand for us to even dream about, but the older and more adult relationsips I get into the more I realize things like religion, children, etc. are very important. Sometimes love isn't enough...
     
  7. Freeze Time

    Freeze Time New Member

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    I am 25, and she is 26, and I am starting to see that it is a good thing that it ended now, rather than later. This girl is totally marriage material, and religion is about the only issue we dont see eye to eye on. Well, religion and politics. :hsd:
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sucks man, I'm sorry :(

    I think constantly about how I am lucky that my bf stop practicing Judaism years ago and has no interest to ever practice it again. I asked him up front from the very beginning if his religion and my lack thereof would ever affect our relationship or his views of me and he laughed it off since he became Agnostic as well. Our only issue is his parents hoping we will raise kids that way...but we'll deal with that issue (if ever) years from now.

    The way I see it is if you really love someone you will work through differences and love them for who they are :dunno: Maybe I'm silly though.
     
  9. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Did someone hack your account? Are you sick?

    I agree though. Almost all issues can be worked through with proper communication.
     
  10. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    my bf chants whenever i bring up the topic of mass. i don't think that's what you had in mind for communication, though. :mamoru:
     
  11. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

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    Its hard when religion is an issue in a relationship. I'm dating a Christian guy who's parents are very much religious- more so than he is. It can put strain on the relationship because he gets mixed up in not knowing what or how to believe (the expectations of his parents can also make it hard) In the end, you just have to try to accept that religion is a big part of some peoples lives. If they can worship and date you and make things work, then great. But you cant beat yourself up if it doesn't work.
     
  12. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    :rofl:
    Mine always prays in my room, and he counts his prayers on my fingers when he's done. Its incredibly touching.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sorry. Incredibly heartless bitch signing back in! :wavey:
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2008
  14. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Good we missed you :squint:
     
  15. DavidC

    DavidC New Member

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    thanks for the words...i've dated "christian" girls before and it was never an issue so i guess it is because we are older now and its something to consider.

    next time around gotta get these kinds of things cleared up from the start!

    freeze time - sorry to hear about your situation...i guess we aren't alone.:hug:

    edit:
    oh and its incredibly hard to not try to contact her. i'm sure anything i say/do would be a lost cause anyways. we've sent a few txt msgs and very brief phone calls. other than that not much else.
     
  16. Freeze Time

    Freeze Time New Member

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    Thanks David... its good to know others out there go through this, and it always helps when you can talk to people who have had a similar experience. :wavey:

    You are also right that its INCREDIBLY hard not to contact her. This girl was my LIFE for 17 months. I woke up and thought about her, worked and messaged her, left work and called her. 4-5 nights a week spent with her. Planned our social lives together, relied on each other for support from anything to a bad day at work, to decision I would have to make.
    For her to be there through everything I have done over the past 17 months, and then to be gone in the blink of an eye has been TERRIBLY painful.

    I was single for a long time before her, and was comfortable with my routines. Then she came into my life and my habits changed to include her, and now that she is gone I am finding that they are changing in huge ways again.

    Ive also had a bad sinus infection for a week and was stuck at home last weekend bored and lonely with nothing to do but miss her. Im trying to break my habits of checking her facebook hourly, but its so hard to realize that she cannot be a part of my life anymore. :hsd:


    Good luck in your recovery!
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    This is also something to learn from...it's OK to still have your own life away from an SO. There is such a thing as a healthy amount of space. Basically, have the line of thinking "If I were suddenly cut off from contacting my gf for a day, life would go on. I have other things I can do, other people I can socialize with, etc".
     
  18. Freeze Time

    Freeze Time New Member

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    Oh yea, i definitely agree, and am going to learn from it. We didnt live together, and as much time as we did spend together, i still spent alot of time at my place without her playing video games or goin out to friends houses.

    I just got so comfortable in my life with her, that without her, things have been harder than I expected.
     

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