Relationship woes

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by vintel, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. vintel

    vintel New Member

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    I will try to keep this as short as possible.

    I have been with my gf for 5 years. I turn 24 next week, and she is 22. Things have been good and bad, but for the most part, it seemed like we loved eachother and it seemed like we had a promising future together.

    We had some tough times, like when she went to Italy for a semester. A few months after she got back, I found out she slept with someone else. For most people, this would be a deal breaker, but not for me...I loved her. I wanted to work it out, I wanted to forgive her.

    She kept in touch with the guy from Italy occasionally. Even though she promised to end it. I know he sent her a card about a year ago, and as far as I knew, I thought there was no more correspondence.

    This past August, out of nowhere, my gf went to Ibiza. Although she lied to me and told me she was going upstate with her old aunt and uncle to help them clean out an old house of theirs. I knew her story sounded fishy, but I loved her and I believed her. However, when she didnt call for 3 days, I knew she was up to no good. After some investigation, I found out where she was. She came home, we fought for a week, but then we decided to try and work things out.

    Last week, while at her apartment, i went to use her laptop. It was already on, but the monitor was blacked out, so when it came to, there was a website already up. It was some italian version of yahoo. And I saw emails to the guy in Italy. Once she noticed that I saw, she ran over and took out her wireless network card. She wouldnt let me read the emails. I was only able to read one, sent from my gf to the guy in italy, which read something along the lines of I miss you and I love you. She said it was just a friend thing, and not to take it seriously. Of course I did, and I changed the password to her account so she could no longer get in. She said it was no big deal, it was only emails and it didnt mean anything. OK, fine, I'll get over it.

    On this past Saturday, I went to use her computer again, and I found some more goodies. In her My Pictures folder, there was a folder labeled Ibiza, which I thought was strange because she said her camera broke while she was there and none of her pictures came out. When I opened the file, I saw a whole lot of pictures of her in Ibiza with her best friend, and guess who else......yup, the guy from Italy.

    What's strange is, fine, you want to do things behind my back, no problem, but don't at the same time pick out engagement rings, and make plans for our future together. She has been wanting to get engaged for about a year. She practically threatens me to propose. She says she acts out because we arent engaged yet.

    I know what I need to do. I need to leave her in the past and move on with my life. But it is easier said than done. I can't imagine my life without her. I have always devoted my life to her in any way I can. And I have been so good to her, I can't imagine why she would feel the need to hurt me the way she has.

    I guess that is it.
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Should have cut her off after she cheated on you.

    If you couldnt do it then, why do you think we can tell you how to do it now? Honestly you sound like a very weak and confused person, and I doubt anyone here is going to be able to help. You need to get over her yourself, and handle things like the adult you say you are.

    I really dont know what can be said to you, but it sounds like this woman has completely played you for the biggest fool she has ever met...and you seem to enjoy it, because you are still around.

    Leaving her is not easier said than done in this situation because she is obviously a cheater. If you really wanted to leave her you would, but it sounds like you would rather continue to be used. You may have devoted 5 years to her, but that is far from even a significant part of your entire life. The hurt will be there when you leave her, but you need to take confort in the fact that you are no longer with a cheating whore who didnt care for you at all.
     
  3. vintel

    vintel New Member

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    I am weak, and I am confused. I cam admit that. And I know you are right. I can admit that too with complete certainty. Thank you for being honest and telling me how it is. I feel like i need to have some sense slapped into me.
     
  4. armond

    armond New Member

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    You need to let this one go. She is running over you man. No way you should have to deal with that amount of lying/cheating/dishonesty. She wants to build a marriage/relationship after all of that?

    Stop wasting your time!
     
  5. XGaSpAcHo

    XGaSpAcHo New Member

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    i felt the same way about my gf of over 5 years and believe me the shit won't be easy. especially the first few weeks. but it gets better and you'll be glad you did it in the end. this is not someone you want to marry.
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Good you didnt take me as just being an asshole.

    Since you KNOW what you need to do, it seems as if the problem is doing it.

    I guess the best thing you could do would just be to ponder the things she had done to hurt you. Think about her cheating on you, think about how she has used you. Realize how she doesnt love you at all, doesnt care about your feelings, and would love to continue to ruin your life. Remember all this, pump yourself up, and let her have it (just not physically :rofl: ). If you sit around and think about how much you love her, how long you have been together, and think of ways to make it work...you will NEVER be able to end it, and the way it sounds, you would live very very unhappily.

    Its hard to do, espeically in this situation, but just look out for yourself long term. In the end, its all about you. And if you are willing to go through alot of hurt now, it will surely save you alot more in the future. Thats the good thing about being young, you can go through this shit now to learn and make better decisions in the future.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Once a cheater, always a cheater. You should've left LONG ago. She's nothing to get upset over -- remember YOU are the victim here.
     
  8. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    youre making yourself as a.............[​IMG]


    and AMEN to RedVSblue :bowdown: i couldnt have said it better myself
     
  9. vintel

    vintel New Member

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    It's funny, because I make things so easy for her. I lay out my feelings and what is going on so perfectly. I tell her what is wrong, I tell her what she does that bothers me, I spell out everything that needs to change. Only thing is, she will never change.

    She wants to get engaged, and it seems like she wants to really badly. Even though she tells me that she cant wait around for me forever, I tell her all the time, I would love to get engaged, but I am the one waiting around. I'm the one who is waiting for her to grow up and start acting like someone who I would want to marry. And its crazy, because for the most part, she is someone who i would want to marry. Maybe she is just bipolar, or maybe even schizophrenic. Who the hell knows.

    Its crazy, because she is acting like the one who got fucked over, as if I did something wrong. - This is what she always does when she screws up, its her defense mechanism or whatever. Last night she said she wanted to talk, and I at first said ok, but then when she called for me to come over, I told her I didnt want to. Should I even bother hearing what she has to say? But I know exactly what she will say, the same shit she has been saying over and over. If I'm never gonna get over it, when we should break up. But how the fuck am I gonna get over it when the same shit has been happening over and over. Oh, and she sent me a text message saying she didnt cheat on my with him in Ibiza. As if I can believe that.

    And another thing thats funny is she doesnt like when i tell my mother why we are fighting, because she feels embarrassed and ashamed when she comes to my house. She kept calling me worrying that i was going to tell my mother what happened. As if she wants to continue this relationship, but why would she want to continue this relationship, after all the shitty things she has done?

    I am going to take a couple hours to collect my thoughts, and write her a well thought out letter. Hopefully, she will realize the truth.
     
  10. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    The last thing you guys should do is get married. There is no way I could ever be with someone i knew was willing to cheat on me. That is too much stress... too much unhappiness. You could never trust a person like that. For her to keep in contact with him shows that she'd be willing to do it again the first she had a chance. How can you live with knowing she'd plan to cheat on you? Thats not love. Don't you deserve better? Don't you deserve love? You need to get severely pissed about this.

    Do not marry this girl. You will never be happy and you will always be looking for something. You will never get over it until you let it go and give yourself time. The longer you wait the more you post pone and prolong the pit in your stomach. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
     
  11. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    And sir, you now know exactly what the key to a successful relationship is: communication. You're doing it well, she's not doing it at all. And you nailed it on the head when you said she won't change. You know this -- now do something about it. YOU have to be the one to change the situation, by taking yourself out of it.




    She knows how to play you like a worn out fiddle, man. That's all it is -- she knows you have a weak spot for making her feel like everything's ok, and that you're sorry or whatever, and that using this "defense mechanism" as you call it, is the way to excuse the situation away. It's time for you to show her that you're done falling for it. She has to take responsibility and own up to her own actions.



    You already answered yourself on that question. She wants to continue because she knows how easy she's got it. She's in the "comfort zone" knowing she can always manipulate you into being there for her, and she can still go off and do whatever she wants with little or no consequence. I don't think ANYBODY would want to give that up.

    If by that you mean that she'll realize, and change her ways in order to stay in the relationship with you, the answer is NO. Sure she may change her tune a bit, but she isn't going to change her ways until she has to face your relationship being over.
     
  12. Fase

    Fase Your Face, In A Pickle Jar.

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    Give yourself some respect. You don't deserve that shit, she isn't better than you. She doesn't have the right to do that to anybody.
     
  13. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    = Point of no return. Completely over, no chance of ever getting back together.

    I don't understand how anyone can be with someone who doesn't have an ounce of respect for them. Not to be mean or cause you pain but you have to realize how pathetic that is. You aren't together because you love eachother. You are together because you love her. In all honestly she obviously doesn't care but is that really fair to you?
     
  14. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    "she sent me a text message saying she didnt cheat on my with him in Ibiza. As if I can believe that."

    EXACTLY. You can't believe anything she says. End it like you should have when she first cheated. She doesn't respect you, she doesn't really care for you (or at least enough...), she is just using you.

    Let her have it, then walk off and don't return.
     
  15. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    She doesn't deserve you buddy and there are plenty of women out there who will be happy with you and only you.

    5 years is a long time for you to just throw it all away but you haven't done it, she has.

    Don't take this on board as something you have done. It is her actions which have lead to the betrayal and don't let anyone try and pin it on you
     
  16. vintel

    vintel New Member

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    I know, I know. It really is rediculous that I have put up with so much.
    I'm 24, I have a good job, I have a great family. I'm decently good looking. I have so many qualities that make me a good bf, and will one day make me a great husband. There is no reason for me to want to be with her. I actually told her this on the phone the other day. There is not one thing that would make me want to be with her.

    I'm done with her...for good. My birthday is next week and I plan on having a good time...without her.
     
  17. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    Good work!

    shes comfortable cheating and lieing, definatly marriage material
     
  18. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    :bigthumb: :bigthumb:

    That is awesome news
     
  19. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Just stick with that plan now!
    I think you'll be MUCH better off without her!
     
  20. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Well see? There ya go... you have a support system to help you get through this. :bigthumb:
     
  21. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Great decision dude! :bigthumb:
     
  22. moomoo3210

    moomoo3210 Active Member

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    I agree with pretty much what everyone has said. She took advantage of your willingness to forgive her for her wrong which was totally her fault. Whats whacked is that she wanted to get engaged and married. She would have definately still cheated on you with that guy, so why still marry you? That would have turned out totally bad if you had married her eh...
     
  23. low20

    low20 Member

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    damn, i went thru something similar, not as bad, but same context....once i left her i was really upset and thought id never find anyone else, but lo and behold a few months later i found sommeone much beter in every way and someone that would never do something like that to me...

    itll hurt like hell to leave, but look how much ur hurting by stayin in the relationship...look what shes doing to the person she "loves" thats not love at all....good luck, but id say leave it and never look back...she seems like a very 2 faced person
     

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