SRS Relationship with parents

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Guz200sx, Apr 30, 2006.

  1. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    So my relationship with my parents, especially with my mother, is kind of fragile right now because, mostly my mother, is saying I am distancing myself from them now that I have a real girlfriend. My mother also says that all I do is mope around all day and only perk up when I'm talking to my girlfriend. I don't think I mope around all day. I am very relaxed, easy going and laid back guy. I tend to take it easy a lot and not stress over stuff. My feelings for my girlfriend are very strong and I am somewhat sad when I don't see her which is not as often as I would like. I only see her one day out of the week (sometimes) which is usually on Saturdays. Usually its been the day after that I am down because I am not with her. But its all things I have to get used to and hopefully one day we can be together more often.

    My mother also says I am different when I'm around them. Like not talkative and kind of rude. But talking to my parents is not enjoyable. They tend to say dumb things which annoys me and also their old conversertive views are annoying.
    I feel like my mother is very nosy and always into my business.

    She told me I have to be closer to them but I've always valued my privacy and its something I cherish and sometimes I don't get that enough here. I always think that when she says "You have to be closer to us" as meaning they just want to know my business.

    And I will admit I am different when I am around them and when I am around others. Such as my girlfriend. I would say I am sweet and caring when I am with my girlfriend. I think I am the complete opposite of my father. And thats just the way I want it to be. I want to be completely different from them. I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be different than theirs.

    But the truth of the matter is, I am to a point that I am ready to move out of their house. I am 28yrs old, about to be 29, May 15. I also feel like I should be on my own by now. I don't know if its the pressure that I am putting on myself to leave or what. I see a lot of my friends gone out of their parents house/old neighborhood already and I feel like I should be doing the same.

    The only problem is I prolly can't afford it. I have some loans I need to pay back. One loan may take 3yrs to finish up. I'm only like 5months into that one.

    Most of the apartments I've heard of that are in my area are pretty expensive. Even the ones that are supposed to be for low income are out of my range.
    My mother also told me the other day if I want I can bring my girlfriend to live here with me but I definately wouldn't want that. The basement we have is ok but it wouldn't be big enough for three people. My girlfriend has a 11month old baby. So its not a good fit.

    I don't know what to do......if I could I would move out right now. Today.
     
  2. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

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    I might of missed it in your post, but at 28/29, what's going on in your life that you're still at home? I understand the loan payments as well as the next person, but maybe they expect a different relationship out of you now that you're an adult and still in their house :dunno:
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Is the baby yours?

    Your mom sounds like she can't let go and I wonder if you still live there because she's 'overattatched' to you? Why else would she be wanting you to bring your girlfriend to live at home?
     
  4. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I have a job that I would like to make my career but its not exactly the best paying job. I am somewhere in the low income range. If not for the loans, I believe I would be able to afford to be out on my own. But bad decisions on my part caused the loans, etc.

    I try to be independant from them as much as I can and I know if I go on my own, I would be able to do everything on my own ... Partly because I would have too.

    I know they used to always say, they wanted me to take the house for myself. I imagine they prolly wanted me to take the mortage payments for myself but in the future when they are gone I don't plan on keepin it. I will prolly sell it and move to an apartment or a condo, depending on my situation then.

     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2006
  5. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    The baby is not mine.

    I am the only child so she might be overprotected a bit much and also overattached. She says she wouldn't mind having my girlfriend living here with me, if thats what I want. But she also said she knows that I will eventually move out and do my own thing and thats what she wants she said.

    So i dunno either....It seems as if they want me to find "the one" but then they also throw a lot of crap at me that makes me want to yell.

     
  6. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    i do have that problem with my parents as well. although I am only 18, and will be moving to college this year, I think my relationship with them will stay the same. Around my father, I rarely act like I'm happy, pretty much he's the reason why I'm not happy. He supports me and everything, but there are just things I hold against him. When I'm around friends, I completely change and I do feel like my personality changes too. I am not proud of it and I wish I could treat my parents like friends too, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

    Do your parents know how you feel about them, or what you want them to change? My father has been trying to lay off my back because he knows I know what I'm doing and don't need his constant nagging. Eventually, you may have to make your peace with them. You are 28 after all, and they should realize you are an adult and should have your own life, even if you live in their house. Maybe they lost sight of that.
     
  7. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Its the same with me. My personality comes out more when I am with friends or even at work. My mother wants me to consider her a friend also but sometimes that is hard. I've told her before I try to be close but sometimes I need my space too. Usually after work, I'll just stay in the room and do stuff on-line and that might be where some of the stuff they are talkin about is coming from.

    They definately know. My father is laid back and pretty much just says let him do what he's gonna do and he knows what he is doing. Its my mother that is more complicated.
    Yesterday I went to see my girlfriend, she lives an hour away and then my mother told me she had a dream with my grandmother, who passed away like 6yrs ago, and I was in it and that I came to the door and said "ok, i am leaving" and my grandmother said "i don't want him to go, don't let him go."
    I felt like crap after that...My mother said she told me not to worry me or anything but just so I would be safer. When she does things like that I get all paranoid and then my mind starts to go crazy, thinkin about stuff. I hate that shit.
     
  8. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    My parents are fuckin driving me crazy

    I went out saturday morning and spent the whole day with my girlfriend. I had to drive to pick her up which is an hr away then we drove to an aquarium which was another 40mins away. We spent the day at the aquarium and just walkin around and havin fun bein together. After that, I drove her back home so she could get some stuff and get her daughter ready for a play we were going too. Earlier in the week, she invited me to a play that her sister was goin to be in. I accepted and we went up to the theater house and spent most of the night their. by the time, we got out of their it was like 10:30 at nite. Then her whole family decided to go out and eat and she invited me to go with them so I said sure and we all went and it was an interesting dinner, I'm glad that I got to spend some time with her family. Overall, I had fun the whole day. By the time, we left the diner, it was something like 12:30. I took her home and we spent some time in my car just chilling, talking and kissing. Once we started kissing, it got very hard to stop. Even though, we kept thinking and saying we needed to stop because she needed to go in and I needed to go home cause it was late, we still kept kissing and doing things:)... Anyway we finally got out of the car about 1am and i finally got on the way about 1:20am.
    I stopped along the way cause I was so damn tired i was fallin asleep at the wheel and i needed to pee. I rested for like 20mins then started driving again. I got home about 2:30am.

    fast forward to this mornin

    I get up, say mornin to my mother and she responds with "I am very angry with you today"
    I was like (to myself) wtf kind of hello is that.
    So i went back up stairs and stayed in the room.

    fast foward to an hr later. I come out to get some breakfeast and my dad says "what time did u come home last nite? i thought u said u would be here at 12!"
    My mother says "i felt him at 2am!"

    Anyway, they went off on a rant that I was out for 18hrs. My mother started saying I was prolly spending money like crazy and my dad started basically saying i was whipped already. Then they both started sayin i have been neglecting my duties as a "son" :wtf: and i haven't been helpin them around the house and helping w/ other things.

    They basically pissed me off and I went off and started sayin "back in february you wanted me to have a girlfriend cause u thought i was depressed and shit and now that i have one you are givin me slack for having one!"

    i don't know what the fuck they want from me. i am holed up in the room now. i had every intention in going down and discussin things with my mother and telling her about my day yesterday but when she comes out with shit like that.....that just pisses me off. And my freakin dad too....i thought he was on my side but now he's talkin crazy shit too. What a freakin day already and its not even noon yet.

    what can i do? i want out of this house already.

    i was so mad about 10mins ago....i'm better now though. i cooled off. *sigh*
    I'll be 29yrs old on May 15....i would think by this age, they would have backed off already.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2006
  9. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    :mad: I don't know even know what the fuck the problem is. I mean my mother. She's bitching cause I got "lost" all day and that I didn't help them with anything yesterday. Then she says I am spending too much money...She doesn't even know what the fuck went down yesterday. fuckin christ sakes.

    I could fuckin smash my computer right now.
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I have the same kind of relationship with my parents where I need to have my space and privacy but my mom wants to know what's going on in my life. Moving out helped for a little while but now they want me to move back home. I might move back to save money, but they're not going to have what they're looking for because I'm just a very private individual.
     
  11. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I'm a very private person also and need my space but my parents don't understand that either. I hate people trying to get into my business, whether its good or bad. If need advice, i'll usually ask for it but like my parents...they like to give it to me daily and when I tell them I don't need their advice they think I am being rude.

    I wish I could move out...Financially I'm messed up though
     
  12. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    as bad and wrong as it may sound, your mother is a bad parent. Parents MUST know when to let children go. It's not your mother only, as I see mothers babying their older children like they are fucken 5 years old. my mother does the same shit to me at 18 that she did when I was very young. I'm not a mom, but i'm very observative. I can tell that lots of mothers get lost in denial that their kids grow up to be adults and they simply will not accept that fact. Fathers are males, and they have a way easier time letting children go. Hey, you and only you have to take initiative and get shit together and on track. talk to them maturely, save money, whatever you gotta do and get independance.

    EDIT: maybe you have bad communication. they might treat you like a baby because you might be acting like one.
     
  13. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Wow. we share the same bday. :wiggle:

    Time to move out man.... take 2 jobs if you have to or look in the papers for some roommates. It's worth every penny.

    My relationship with my parents has been so much more pleasant since I had moved out. The distance does wonders.
     
  14. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Mother's Day :thumbsdown:

    I bought my mom an orchaid cause thats what she wanted but they weren't blooming yet and when I gave it to her she laughed and i said what is that? and how much did i pay for that? And she said they were dead

    not even a fuckin thank you. She didn't even humor me for christ sakes.

    that shit pissed me off, so I gave her the card i bought her and left (had a DR.'s appt i had to go too)
    when i came back, they were gone and she didn't even open the card


    roommates :ugh2:
     

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