SRS Relationship uncertainty (VERY LONG!)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Insatiable, Feb 28, 2005.

  1. Insatiable

    Insatiable ..........................

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    Long, Long, Long.. sorry. :wtc:

    So, I've been dating my BF for over 5 years now. (he's 26 and I'm 23) Last fall, he decided he wanted to go back to school. I was sooo supportive of this. I helped him get some awesome reference letters, put together his portfolio, and write his enterance essay. Going to this school meant he'd be moving back in with his parents, and wouldn't be able to hold a job due to his schedule. Also, it meant that I would hardly ever see him. Regardless, I was 100% supportive and all for it.

    So, now he's going to the school of his dreams... to get the job of his dreams... and there, has apparently met the girl of his dreams. :wtc: Since meeting her, he has treated me like I don't exist. After just a few weeks of knowing her, he started going to her house almost everyday (to do "homework").. he'd stay there until the wee hours of the morning. He'd completly blow me off. Finally, in October.. he broke up with me. He claimed that he didn't think he could focus on school and a relationship at the same time. That he didn't want to be a bad boyfriend to me. He also told me that he's not sure that he cares about me.. and said a whole bunch of mean shit to me. Okay.. fine.

    When I went to go get my stuff from his house, I snooped. Mostly on his computer. There, I found a shit load of pictures of her... and she definitely isn't all that attractive. I may not be the best looking, but I didn't think she was so much more beautiful than I. She has a nose that rivals Owen Wilsons. :squint: Anyway, he also left his IM on.. and I read the convo history between them. He couldn't stop telling her how beautiful and wonderful she was. I also read his email, and he was emailing his friends about how he wanted to get with her. :wtc: I confronted him, and he flat out denied that he liked her, blah blah blah. Whatever.

    In November, he came crawling back to me. Like an compleat fucking retard, I took him back. Not much has really changed. I guess things were good for a month or so, but now it's back to the same old shit. I'm so confused, because sometimes it really seems like he wants to be with me.. and remembers that he loves me. However, he still spends ALL DAY with her.. until at least 11pm, every damn night.. and then comes home and IMs her all night. Now, he's starting to spend the weekends with her... the only time I get to see him. I should clarify that I told him that spending so much alone time with her bugs me, so he made this "group" that he hangs out with.. including her of course. So, as far as I know, when he's with her, there's at least a few other people tagging along as well.

    Anyway, last Friday, he had his "group" come over to his house. Saturday morning, I come over to pick something up..... and she was there. She had spent the night. (so did 1 other guy, but still...) So, I went into his room to talk to him.... and I noticed that he had hid all the pictures of me, and us together. :wtc: Basically confirming my thought that this bitch doesn't know that I exist. Also, this morning I realized that at night, when we're talking on IM, and he says he's going to bed... instead, he makes himself invisible to me, and stays up god knows how much longer talking to her.

    I should tell you a bit about him, and us together. He is not this super sexy type of guy, that can get all the wimmens he wants. Every girl he's ever tried to get with, has put him in the friend zone. I GAVE HIM A FUCKING CHANCE! I may not be some gorgeous super model, but I've never had a problem finding a date. Together, we were the greatest couple. We had so much fun together, and everyone that knows us believes we're soul mates. As a girlfriend, I always thought I was great and that he was damn lucky. I am very low maintence, low drama (even with this current situation.. I've been low drama about it.) I have never had a problem with him hanging out with his friends, and his friends love hanging out with me because I'm very laid back and fun. This other girl... yeah, she may have a lot in common with him, and he may have fun with her... but if they were to date, it wouldn't last. I know for a fact, that they have too many differences. Oh, she's also a couple years older than he is. He knows it too.. so I don't know why he's following her around like a puppy, and blowing off the girl that actually loves him.

    I confronted him last night. I told him that he's making me miserable, because I can't stand uncertainty. I don't know if I should continue to love him, and be happy.. because he's feeling the same way about me. Or, if I should try getting over him.. because he's being a piece of shit. I told him to be honest with me, and if he's just not feeling anything for me, and if he truly wants to be with her.. then to just let me go. I may be upset, but I'll get over it.. and won't be so miserable, because at least I won't be uncertain anymore. (Oh, he finally did admit to me that he has a "crush" on her) He said he wants to be with me... that he loves me. Uh-huh. I should say that I love this guy. He means everything to me. I'm supportive of him, proud of him, and 100% faithful to him.

    So, here I am.. still miserable and uncertain. I'm gonna go out of town for awhile, and visit my mom. I know while I'm gone, he'll be with her 24/7. :wtc: .. but, I need to get away. I know most people are going to tell me that I need to get away from him.. but I just don't know how to walk away from a almost 6 year relationship... without him just flat out telling me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I almost wish he would, just so I can start glueing my heart back together.

    Advice would be great, PM's from people who are in/have been in similair situations and want to talk would be awesome. :sadwavey:
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2005
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I'm very sorry for the pain you're going through.

    I wished someone had laid it out for me, in a simple and straightforward manner, so here it is for you.
    You should break up with him. You should not see him, not even casually.

    School/new job/new settings/new circumstances have a way of altering your perception. If you went away to school, chances are good that you might meet someone who was irresistable to you, even though he may not be as handsome, or as smart, or as funny, or as sweet, or any other quality you care to name.

    Sometimes there's just an irresistable pull and you just know you have to be with this person in order to explore and further develop yourself. Its not at all unreasonable to further your personality through relationships.

    Really, the best thing for you is to remove yourself and heal yourself. It will be better all around if you have NO CONTACT. Yes, you heard me. NO CONTACT. It honestly hurts much less. Don't try to be mature and grown-up and "remain friends". Sure you can do that if you like, but believe me, there is a heavy cost to that. Very heavy indeed. For you that is, less so for him. It's up to you if you wish to pay that cost. It nearly killed me and I always thought of myself as a strong person.

    If he comes back...he comes back. You can't will it to happen or cause it to happen. You CAN however, cause it to not happen. So the best thing is to just back off. Way way off.

    I'm very sorry, but ultimately, there is no other way.

    PS. when your heart heals, you will meet someone you truly do love, and who loves you back. Can't guarantee it'll be this guy. In fact, I would lay odds down that it won't.
     
  3. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    This guy is a womanizer. Think what it would be like if you were married to this guy, you had a family and he was out messing around with other women. He's not being nice to you and I can't see that he ever will. You can do a lot better then him.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My advice ,put him in the 'friends zone' like all the others do.

    He isn't faithfull he isn't loyal, and the love you give to him is NOT being returned.

    Love should be a two way road, you need to do what is best for you and this guy isn't mature enough to understand what it takes to have a decent relationship without hurting someone's feelings.

    Dump him like a rock, at this moment you should be able to say to yourself' stop to here and no further, he cheated on you' and thefore doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with a wonderfull person like you.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    he's trying to have his cake and eat it too by playing the field while he plays your heart. if he can't keep it in his pants while you're dating, do you think the situation is going to improve if you move in with or even marry the guy? dump him and find someone who's worthy of having your love, and don't look back. don't take him back even if he grovels... he's a high-risk investment when you should be hedging.
     

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