SRS Relationship Trouble(anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Sep 22, 2008.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and we've lived together for 1 1/2 years. I'm currently unsatisfied with the way the relationship is heading. I don't feel as though we communicate as well as we should. We don't seem to be able to share the household chores enough to make me feel like I'm NOT doing everything (I feel like I do just about everything.) He can go from fine to frustrated in 4 seconds flat over the most insignificant things, whether it's with me, his parents, his friends, and I can't STAND it. Our financial decisions always seem to clash - he spends on big things a little more freely than I do, and while we're just dating, and I don't expect him to check all his purchases with him, we DO live together, and I have helped him pay off bills before so to me it's a slap in the face when he splurges without talking to me. I could have put that money elsewhere..

    I've tried a number of times over the past two months to talk to him about what I'm feeling and try to figure out what we can do to fix it. I know I'm not perfect, and I'd like to know what he would want me to work on so we're both happier. This seems to be getting me nowhere though. I don't know if he just doesn't take me seriously, or doesn't think there's a real problem. I know he thinks I don't listen to him enough (which is a problem with him as well.) He thinks I treat my dog better than his dog (though he does the same thing.) He feels as though I never get excited about things he talks about (I guess I'm just not a super excitable person.)

    I'm considering moving out for at least a year. Perhaps that will give us the space to just date, and work on our relationship. I know we already take each other for granted. We don't go on dates. Our sex life is non existant (which is both of our faults). I feel like I just have a roommate, not a boyfriend. I don't know if moving out is the best idea though. I'm not sure if it will fix the things that aren't working. All I know is I'm getting beyond frustrated.

    Any ideas or opinions would be great.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like you guys moved way too fast. You probably rode those intense happy feelings in the beginning and unfortunately looked past the obvious character trait differences that mean a hell of a lot more in a succesful relationship than most people want to believe. Moving in after only 6 months is a HUGE stress on the relationship and now it sounds like you've both gotten so comfortable in the relationship it's failing ad no one even cares to fix it.

    You know the problems. If he's not willing to work on them and you are not working vehemently on yours then you both will never succeed. The sad thing is moving out now for a year will probably not help your relationship at all, in fact it will do the opposite. Failing marriages work when people consistently work through their issues together. Moving out is not going to teach you anything, it will take you a step back actually. You need to be able to live together and work through your problems together in company.

    Never give an ultimatum, but at this point I think you need to sit him down and explain you are dead serious that you two need to work on some things. Fix the sex life, set up a weekly date (at least). If it were me I would seriously evauluate our relationship in 6 months. If you haven't regained some ground in that time I think it is time to cut your losses and move on.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2008
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    the financial differences are a huge red flag. if you guys cant sit down and come together on these issues, then i dont see much hope or happiness in the relationship. you moving out would just make the issues less obvious to you, it wouldnt really solve them. you wouldnt know what he spent his money on because you wouldnt be splitting bills. you wouldnt need to him to help you clean or take care of household things, so a year of living apart would be a "fake" better, if it got better at all.

    sit down with him and tell him your concerns, in a conversation, not a fight. if he isnt willing to discuss the problems, then hes not showing any respect to you or the relationship, so get out.

    if you still dont feel happy though, just leave and be done with him. you guys might not be compatible

    hopefully he WILL be willing to talk, and try. see if you guys can trade off on household chores, make time for date nights (and therefore, hopefully sex too) and discuss purchases over $X.
     

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