Relationship rocky after 2 yrs and other problems...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ilikegoats, May 9, 2005.

  1. ilikegoats

    ilikegoats New Member

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    Ok i'm 23 and my SO is 20. We've been dating for a little over 2 years now. I'm madly in love with her and she claims she loves me but she's not sure if she is in love with me.

    Now for the first year things were great. We had a strong sexual relationship and were constantly around each other with no problems. At the beginning of the 2nd year she started on Depo Provera(worst mistake in the world). Now the Depo killed her sexual mood she got to the point where she was repulsed by sex (not just with me but sex in general) and she didn't even want to touch or be touched. She claims she didn't have any sexual feelings or thoughts for anyone. Now she was on the shot for 6 months b/c it did help her other problems. She has gone off the shot now and been off for about 4 months and she still has no sexual desire or desire to kiss me. She claims recently she has become excited in certain situations at bars and stuff over others but its not that common and she doesn't get excited around me. She has not cheated or anything of that sort as i'm with her most of the time.

    She has recently started questioning us and is getting close to ending the relationship over this sexual desire problem. I'm really in love with this girl and would hate to lose her but i don't want her to be with me if she is not sexualy attracted to me. I don't know if she has just grown tired of me or if its still the shot acting in her or her new medicine. I guess i should mention she is on a mild dose of prozac now since she didn't want to do the Depo anymore to take care of mood swings.


    I guess my real question is has anyone been through something similar and gotten the spark back? We still enjoy being around each other and i find her very very attractive. We talk constantly even though she is very busy with school. We see each other at least 4 to 5 times a week and spend most weekends together.

    She's an outstanding girl and i don't want to be without her. But i also don't want her to be trapped with me. We're both kind of at a loss as to what to do. Any advice (preferably from the more mature members here) would be appreciated.
     
  2. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    Regardless of her supposed inability to be turned on sexually. If she really cared for you she'd care about your sexual needs as well. Not just hers.

    I personally dont think relationships work if the sexual part is out of wack. Doesnt matter how much you think you love each other.

    Her being 20 doesnt help either. She sounds like a real pain in the ass to me. Having to be on prozak at 20? Does she even give a shit that you have to masterbate to sexually satisfy yourself in a 2 year long relationship? God imagine if you got married, you think the lack of sex sucks now?

    Chances are whats really happening is she was 18 when you started dating, she now sees herself reaching 21 (ooh I can drink legally now). And is deciding she needs to "experience more of life" or "find herself". It's all bullshit for "I'm a woman and I'm bored with my current project"

    If it has come to the point where she is opening questioning your relationship, it's probably over. She's been thinking about it for far longer than you'd realize.

    You're young, I'd say cut your losses and find another girl. You really need to be happy in all facets of your relationship, sexual included. Any any girl who doesnt give a rat's ass about your happiness in your relationship together isnt worth your time.
     
  3. ilikegoats

    ilikegoats New Member

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    I never said she doesn't help me sexually. I just said the desire isn't there on her end. Your getting a completely wrong image of her. She is by no means a pain in the ass if she was i wouldn't be concerned and i'd move on.
     
  4. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I certainly wouldnt throw away a 2 yr relationship based on not getting sex. Have you discussed all of your feelings with her? Are you open about ALL of this that you are telling here? I do agee with the above poster, that in a relationship if you love someone, even if you arent turned on sometimes you do things for other people, in this case she could still have sex with you even though she wouldnt be all turned on. It might suck for her, but its called sacrifices.

    However maybe you should seek some counseling, or just talk to her more, or do something differently. To just think about ending it is not a good thing after 2 yrs, especially since you are both at an age when you should be approaching situations like this fairly maturely.

    However, if she isnt willing to discuss things, make sacrifices for you, and get help...then maybe you can do nothing but end it with her. You shouldnt be unhappy the rest of your life, just because she doesnt understand herself, or even want to understand herself.

    Good luck either way though, I know that has to be a sucky position to be in.
     
  5. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    All I'm saying is that if she's already openly talking about questioning your relationship, then she has been thinking about it for a while and has made up her decision. Fear is the only thing keeping her with you, fear of being alone, of hurting you, who knows.

    Chances are a 20 year old girl isnt likely to bother with going to counseling either unfortunately.

    If it truely is just the sexual desire thing (unlikely), has she tried going to the doctor? She could have hormone problems or any number of things wrong with her that could be causing it. If she has gone to the doctor and they say there's nothing wrong, I'd take her to a different one and get another opinion. The fact that she didnt have any issues before the depo shot, makes me suspicious.
     
  6. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    It could also just be a mental carry-over from the 6 months that the depo shot was messing with her hormones.
     
  7. IreLynx

    IreLynx New Member

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    I could see this as a possibility as well. When I was on ortho it killed my libido, so I switched to Yasmin & that was just as bad. It took me close to a year to get back to normal; back to the way I was before taking them. Not everyone does so well with the synthetic hormones. I have also heard many times over that depo causes nothing but problems for all but a few who get it.

    Regardless, these issues need to be brought up and talked about...without anyone accusing anyone else of anything. If you don't look at the surrounding circumstances in regards to the problem at hand then you can end up coming out of it with more problems than you went into it with.
     
  8. matrixan

    matrixan New Member

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    I am not sure about the hormone therapy and how it can affect ppl and if it should be taken into consideration. But i know this, sit her down and tell her that you are fed up with this shit! If she wants to work on this, she needs to put time! Tell her what drives you nuts. And what does she think about it, relationships consist of two people and idling is the worst thing! If she doesnt respond satisfactory end it like a man. (let the bird fly, if she comes back its yours, if it doesnt it never was), if she does come back, make sure the problems that bothered you are taken care of.

    If she listens to you, you are good to procede and start working things out. Some girls get comfortable, and you are taken by surprise when someone doesnt have same feelings. Kick in the ass and letting her know that you mean business is always helpful.
     
  9. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    I'm sure the drugs she's on has a SLIGHT effect, but her lack of sexual desire is derived from YOU man.

    Generally speaking, the longer a relationship lasts, the less SPONTATNEOUS you become; you decide to just SETTLE in and ride the wave to shore, which is what your are doing RIGHT NOW! WHat she needs is for you to be LESS PREDICTABLE and BORING.

    Turn yourself back into that mysterious young man she once DROOLED over by becoming MORE busy with your own life, and by being TEASING her more. This will make you a CHALLENGE for her to want again, not JUST her boyfriend of two years. You will become the man she has ALWAYS wanted, and so long as you stay ACTIVE and UNPREDICTABLE, she will always be on her toes, which generates that unseen ATTRACTION.

    Just try and think back when you when you two FIRST started dating and how MAGICAL those momments were. Now try and do that NOW; if you could do it before you can CERTAINLY do it during these times!
     
  10. MossMan813

    MossMan813 New Member

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    IMO, take a break from each other. You see each other pretty often, so go without seeing each other for a little while, keep in contact once in a while, and see where you both are. That will give you a little better understanding on if you want to be with her or without her, and vice versa.
     
  11. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    That's what I was saying. If you focus on YOURSELF, that will take away from your focus on her, and thus you will spend LESS time with her, which ironically makes here want you MORE.

    Human nature is fun, isn't it? :mamoru:
     

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