SRS relationship question

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Ripper, Mar 10, 2010.

  1. The Ripper

    The Ripper New Member

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    So this is the situation me and my wife have been married since october. Before we got married we were engaged for awhile and she joined the air force. We were supposed to get married soon after but then my grandfather who had Alzheimer needed some one to take care of him. I moved in with him and I wasn't able to get married at that time till my grandpa either passed on or no longer needed me. After about 3 months we both agreed to see other people because I was tied down here for an unknown amount of time and the distance was pretty ruff on both of us.

    We both saw other people and did stuff with them. We still talked and stayed friends. My grandpa died 6 months later. About a month after his death she came down and visited me and we hooked up and all of the feelings that were already there got stirred up again. I visited her four more times over 2 months. None of the other relationships we were in really worked out and we didnt really get emotionally involved with other people just had casual sex.

    We ended up deciding to get married like originally planned because the only reason we didnt before was the distance and me being rooted in one location with out being able to leave.

    Before we got married we had "the talk" and I pretty much just disclosed my actions and she disclosed hers. We came to the agreement that as long as we disclosed this stuff before hand it wouldn't be an issue and didnt want any baggage to catch us by suprise.

    I found out the other day that she had held out on some info. I hooked up with some girls and told her about each one and she hooked up with 2 guys she told me about but didnt mention that she had also hooked up with a co worker.

    Now Im kind of confused on how to handle this and I have mixed emotions. On one end we agreed to leave shit that happened in the past behind us but at the same time we agreed to disclose shit so it wouldnt come up later. I feel I should have been given full honest disclosure because I was the one moving here and it would only be a matter of time before I found out.

    I can also see why she wouldn't mention it because she works with the guy and I might have to see him occasionally and it could be awkward. SO im wondering how I should handle this whole situation. Its kind of weird for me and I know I can get past it but at the same time it feels weird
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It's very rare to find a woman that doesn't hide something from her man in her current relationship. You will be amazed at the things women hide from their partners yet will share with their close girlfriends.
     
  3. reminisce

    reminisce OT Supporter

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    you definitely need to find some way to clear this up/get it out of your system/come to terms with it before you move forward.

    i can think of two possible explanations for why she neglected to tell you about it:

    1.) to avoid awkwardness between you and the guy in the future
    2.) because she still likes the guy and doesn't want to give you a leg up in being suspicious

    depending on how you ascertained the information, you might want to simply confront her about it. don't be hostile about it and don't make accusations, but maybe just say "so i heard about you and xxxx, is there any truth to that story?" and gauge how she reacts.
     
  4. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    I can tell you now that when you bring it up she is either going to A. go on the defense and tell you how you don't trust her blah blah blah or B. going to cry because she hid it and try to play the inosent game with you. Either way don't expect it to go by smoothly. It does matter how you get the info but again you got the info through whatever sources and she did lye about it. I say bring it up when you have some time and ask why she hid this from you. She'll most likely tell you that she's doing it because she didn't want to hurt your feelings or you get jealous or what not. I'd turn around and tell her that this way is sooooo much better because not only did you lye about it but now you will be wondering why should would hide anything.

    Good luck!!!
     
  5. The Ripper

    The Ripper New Member

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    Ill let you know how I got the info. I basically had a feeling that she had done something with some one at work because before I came here she used to hang out with all of her co workers and they would all meet up at party's. Since I have been here I have met her co workers once and she never wants to chill with them outside of work since we have been married. To the point where she avoids it.

    I was a little suspicious so I got all of the info from a mutual friend that ended up becoming more my friend then hers after we moved here. That person basically gave me all of the details about her activity before we got married. I probably shouldn't have pried but I have an inquisitive nature.

    I basically found out that after we got back together she was a saint but before that point she was basically liked to party when she had time off. I cant just streight up say where i got the info because if I do I will be putting that mutual friend out there. Its one of the main reasons im hesitating to bring it up. Im thinking about holding off for a little while like a week or so and then bringing it up from there so she doesnt know who i got it from.
     
  6. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    It sounds like you are insecure. Maybe that's the reason she only told you the partial truth.

    Two other reasons might be:

    1) She's ashamed of getting involved with the guy and having the whole office know about it. [The guy might have blabbed about it to every one there] That's probably also why she is not socializing with them now that she is married to you. She is protecting your marriage.
    2) She didn't want to out-do your number of hook-ups. Since you sound insecure, she probably was right.

    My advice is that you let it go. This was all taking place before you were married. What's important now is how you two go from here.
     
  7. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    1. I don't see how this protects the marriage when they both agreed to tell the WHOLE truth, not pieces that work for the person. I don't think it was right to withhold this when he was being honest with her. Nothing something I'd say a marriage should start on.

    2. He doesn't sound insecure, he was right after all and didn't go hunting for evidence he simple asked a friend about it and she/he told them willingly.
     
  8. The Ripper

    The Ripper New Member

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    thats my main concern I cant get to mad about it because it did happen during that time frame but I was honest with her and I expect the same honesty
     
  9. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Your may be better of telling her you not upset about the relations they had but the fact that she lied and covered it up really makes you wonder why she would do such a thing when you both agreed to be completely honest. I'd say you feel more hurt of the fact that your hiding things than what its about.
     
  10. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Who breaks off an engagement for those reasons? A real woman would stick by your side
     
  11. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    She's a lying cunt, you sat down with her and said everything, as usual on a guy's part, and she sat there and left out a HUGE fucking detail. Important? Yeah I fucking think so.

    If she didn't still want to fuck him, she would have told you about it. Don't marry her dude you're asking for problems.
     
  12. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Lol, sorry your a little late. They are already married, says they got married in october. I'd just tell her how hurt your are that she lied.
     
  13. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Women hide shit and lie constantly. :dunno: You're married to her now so think of it as a taste of things to come. It might be better getting used to it now then later on when you uncover more shit. She might have even considered it a favor for that reason. :h5:
     
  14. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    In all honesty, what she did when she wasn't with you is none of your business. She's you wife now, and she obviously wants to be with you for the rest of her life. Move on, and don't sweat the small stuff.....sheesh!
     
  15. souri4life

    souri4life Durka Durka Baboosh

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    Read the thread. The problem isn't about what she did, but rather that she lied about it.
     
  16. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Failed to disclose. Still, it's not something he should have really expected her to tell the truth about and was a really bad idea to do anyways. Yeah, let's tell the fiance about the girls I banged. :ugh:
     
  17. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    It was a mutually shared idea that both parties agreed to BEFORE getting married. Lying is lying no matter how you lay it down.
     
  18. souri4life

    souri4life Durka Durka Baboosh

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    There is a difference between failing to disclose and lying. She agreed to tell him everything, just like he agreed to tell her everything in order to avoid this type of shit. Apparently he's the only one that followed through.
     

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