SRS Relationship Quesitons

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Sularis, Dec 6, 2006.

  1. Sularis

    Sularis New Member

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    I am curious because of everything I read on the internet, is it actually possible to fall in love at a young age (HS) and actually make it forever? I have never once heard a single optimistic word on that situation and I think it is subconciously affecting me. Now all of a sudden I am full of doubt and assuming that I am just naive and it would be stupid to actually marry the first girl I fell in love with. I know it would be a rare thing, but is it really as impossible as it would seem? I know people grow and change a lot during their adolescence but how hard / rare is it to actually grow together?

    (Also first post 4tw :bowdown:)
     
  2. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    The failures you have in your first relationships are how you learn your lessons on how to make the next ones better. Chances are pretty much slim to none that you will marry your highschool lover and be happy.
     
  3. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Try thinking of one loving, older couple who's been together since highschool. Bet you you can't think of anyone :hs:
     
  4. Sularis

    Sularis New Member

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    My grandparents.

    Edit: My English teacher too, actually. I realize that this is a previous generation but I don't see why if it could work back then it would be impossible now.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2006
  5. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    well said
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    It's very rare for first real (high school and older) relationships to last. Why? People simply don't know what the common mistakes are, so they don't know what to look for to prevent them. It's part of the learning process...you make a bunch of mistakes in the first serious relationship so that you know how to look for and avoid them in the future.

    It's like trying to find your way around in a pitch black room. The only way to really find the doors, windows, and walls is to bump into them.

    Go ask a bunch of people if they really regret the mistakes they made in their first relationship. I'm sure that most people would say they don't regret them as much as mistakes made in later relationships, simply because they didn't know any better.

    Congrats to those who can get together in high school and stay together. I mean absolutely no disrespect to those who have made it work.

    But, common sense tells me, the first time you do ANYTHING, you're going to make mistakes.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You are so young. You need to just follow your heart, live life, and not think about what you've heard other people say happens or doesnt happen.
    My parents have been together since HS (married for over 30 years now) and they are honestly still so disgustingly in love. Obviously it doesn't happen for everyone, but it's not saying things don't happen at all.
     
  8. Sularis

    Sularis New Member

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    I never said rush into marriage. I was just currious if it did happen. I would never rush into until I knew it was the right thing, I was just currious if it ever actually did end up being the right thing. And yes, they were from a different generation, but divorce being frowned upon doesn't really matter in their cases becaues I highly, highly doubt they would have gotten a divorce given the opportunity.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    My best friend's parents were high school sweethearts.
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    It's just as likely as someone learning how to ride a bike without falling down on their first try. Sure, it can happen, but what's the chances? :dunno:

    My first relationship (engaged, she cheated on me 12 times, gave me an STD) sure as shit was a learning experience. Looking back, I learned a lot. My current relationship (about #12) is perfect. All the others? Again, I learned a lot. Relationship #11 ended in divorce. Boy, I learned a LOT from that one. Now I can honestly say I think this one is the one that will last.

    BTW, I am 37 now, and she is 24.
     
  11. Sandwich

    Sandwich OT Supporter

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    my grandparents were high school sweethearts.. my grandfather met her when she was something like 14.

    i believe a couple of my aunts/uncles were the same way.

    seems like those past generations had longer lasting relationships :dunno: either that or they were just more tolerable
     
  12. Sandwich

    Sandwich OT Supporter

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    :eek3:
     
  13. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Two of my best married friends went to high school with me, became high-school sweethearts, got married in their early 20s, and continue having the most loving relationship I've ever seen now with 2 kids.

    Anything is possible provided you're willing to grow together.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Wow, that is sad and scary at the same time. You had a "perfect" relationship, but you guys aren't together. She left, but you didn't follow or go with her. Explain to me why you two aren't together if your relationship was "perfect"

    Another question...how long are you going to wait on her? How long have you already waited?

    You have completely unrealistic expectations if you think you are just going to wait around for this girl to come back into your life. And sure, you're disappointed in all the other women, but I guarantee they would all be dissappointed in you too. Why? Because you would never commit to them, you're still waiting for your "perfect" woman to come back.

    This is borderline delusional.
     
  15. party_cat

    party_cat New Member

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    I think that when you marry the one you love when you were still young is somewhat a mistake. The relationship that develops is more like 'i depend on you!' type , when in fact neither of them were ready to enter the marriage level!
    when you marry after having had previous relationships, failures or successes, you are better off in knowing what you want out of it.
    But I wont deny that there are some highschool couples who are still together! But not everyone is as lucky! so when you are young, live the relationship without putting marriage as the binding factor.
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I disagree with most of you here.

    I have been with my husband for 9 years now since I was 15 and he was 18. We married at 17 and 20 and are now 24 and 27. I think we are still just as much in love as the day we first met.

    Personally I think marriages fail (no matter what the age of the couple) because the couple (or one of them) are not willing to put forth the effort required to make a marriage work, or that they don't communicate enough to make the marriage work. Or that they don't grow together. We are all constantly growing in life no matter if we are 17 or 50. I do honestly believe that if you CHOOSE to grow together and to work together as a couple and you take your vows seriously, that you can have a successful marriage at almost any age.

    Now that's not to say that we are without problems, because to claim that would be false. Every couple has problems, every couples has rough spots in their relationships. That's normal. It's how you deal with your problems that will make you or break you as a couple.

    Just my opinion.
     
  17. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Where did I say that everybody will do that? Where did I say that most young people are ready to take on that commitment? I didn't ;) I simply said that it is POSSIBLE.

    Of course it's not unheard of to seperate after a longer time together. I think that goes for couples of any age though too.
     
  18. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I wasn't encouraging anybody to get married, simply sharing my opinion on why marriages fail (no matter what the age of the couple) and why some work.

    I don't think anybody should get married if they aren't 100% sure or 100% committed. I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't believe in "cold feet", I think people have those feelings for a reason and they should be listened to.
     
  19. i94tex

    i94tex New Member

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    It can and does happen.

    My hubby and I have been together since we were sophomores in high school. We have now been married for 16 years (together for 20)(ok, so that just dated me :eek3: ). We married young and had children relatively young.

    I do not recommend it for most as the majority of the time it does not work out. We have been through MANY rocky moments and other obstacles. The one thing that is constant: we love each other.

    When you do find that one person, they complete you and you would do anything in the world for them.
     
  20. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    My bf & met at 18 & 19, we plan on getting married in a couple years. I'll let ya know how it works haha.

    Anyway, my mom met my dad when she was 17. 30 years later they're still together (she waited 8 years to say yes though, just to be sure). I know a few others who are also HS sweethearts who married and are extremely in love and happy to this day. I think its possible to do, if you both equally work at it. It all depends on the individuals involved. If one person just wants to sit back and do nothing, it most likely will fail. I dont think it matters what age you are when you meet that special person.
     
  21. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I can think of about 5 couples in my family.
     
  22. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I have a curious question. How long does a couple have to be together before you will consider their marriage successful? There is ALWAYS the chance of divorce. Hell, my little sister's grandparents are getting divorced after 50+ years of married right now. Does that mean that they didn't have a "successful" marriage for those 50+ years?
     
  23. i94tex

    i94tex New Member

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    I am wondering the same thing. I know a couple going through divorce now after 40 + years too. They were raised with the stigma of divorce.

    I see it like this.... If you were raised in the 70's-80's, you were either a product of or so used to divorce that those kids back then are now married adults and don't want their children raised the way they were. We were the first generation of "latch key" kids.
     

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