Relationship/Pet Dillema

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Dr. Funk, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. Dr. Funk

    Dr. Funk OT Supporter

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    Background: I have a cat named who is now 8 years old and she REALLY doesn’t get along with other animals. Plus she is a short haired cat.
    My GF has two long haired cats that are less than 2 years old now. She loves them more than anything but because she spends most weekends here she often has to go back for an hour to feed them, etc.

    Situation: So I’ve started to look at some houses. No rush but with the market the way it is I can buy something from now to 18 months out. I would want my GF to eventually move in and she has no issues with that. Her lease expires in Oct and at that point we would have been dating for a year and a half. The issue here is that as much as I know she loves her cats I told her that we won’t be able to take them in.

    Firstly, my cat will definitely not take it very well as she has never even seen another cat up close and I don't want a stressed high strung cat peeing all over my shit. Their feeding habits are different (her cats are big and LOVE food where I just leave food out for my skinny all the time and she eats when she wants), they have long hair which I do not want all over the place, I am allergic to other cats, I don’t want 3 cats as that is too excessive and I may want to get a dog in a few years and my place will not be a zoo, plus I don’t want to make another 15-year commitment to 2 cats. After my cat is gone I don’t think I will get another. And because I work from home the last thing I need is 3 cats hanging out all over me when I'm making business calls.

    So my GF knows this is the situation and she is obviously very saddened by this. She’s not sure if she can part with them. I know that she really loves them more than anything but I see no other way. I told her if she can agree to this then the sooner the better as it will already be difficult to find somebody who will take two cats in but at least they are still young. It breaks my heart as well as I love animals and know that it’s a very difficult situation.

    Question: So what do you think? Do I have a right to ask her to find a new home for her 2 cats despite how much she loves them? There’s just more than one reason on why I do not want to take them in. Am I being a jerk?
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    I think you're being very selfish, yes.

    I totally understand the situation with your cat and the way its been, but seriously, its a cat. They are creatures of nature, they are animals, they have minds just like humans. Although they may not 'like' each other at first, they will warm up.

    For you to completely shun the idea of her cats moving into the house w/ you is a little, well, ignorant. You're obviously planning on a LTR and moving in w/ the girlfriend, KNOWING she has her cats and KNOWING she LOVES her cats, you're going to give her an ultimatum along the lines of "Well, its either you move in with me or you can keep your cats".

    Not cool.

    So to answer your question, yes, I think you're being a jerk about the situation. You work from home for crying out loud, animals need 1 thing, attention. Once an animal has attention its behavior changes. I think the '3 cats' could live in harmony if you pulled your stubborn head out your ass.

    And no, im not 'mad' at you, just how I see the situation.
     
  3. HailStorm

    HailStorm OT Supporter

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    I think you are being a jerk. She has to give up her animals while you can keep yours. That is not fair. What if she asked you to give yours away to move in to her place? Would you willingly do it?
    And dogs require a lot more attention than cats, so if you are worried about 3 cats around while you are working from home, DO NOT get a dog.
     
  4. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    Yes you are being selfish but I disagree with JAO about putting the 3 cats together. Been there, done that.

    Why is your cat > hers?
     
  5. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Few questions:

    What makes your cat more important than hers? Also, there are techniques to solving this dilemma that do not involve her getting rid of her cat. First off, if you introduce the cats right then they're less likely to fight. Second, if her cats are fat, then all you have to do is put your cat's food up where he can get it, but they can't.

    Have you tried to be around her cats and had a bad allergic reaction or are you going off previous experiences with other animals? I don't really see how short hair vs. long hair makes that big of a difference. If you can stand to have a cat on your own, I don't see how you could be that allergic. So if it's a matter of amount of fur around the house, then you could tell her she has to clean up regularly as part of the deal that seems fair.

    How big of a house are you getting? Three cats isn't that many if you have a whole house. And if you don't want them on your lap (as if they'd all three be on your lap anyway) then you can simply close the door to your office or whatever.

    Overall it seems to me like you are very set in your ways and expecting her to bend over backwards to be someone who fits into your life. If I were her and you gave me an ultimatum like that, I'd probably break up with you.
     
  6. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    .... must... resist...

    You can pick up your copy of 'Run. Run and Don't look Back' online @ amazon.com.
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :bowdown: But seriously though. That's like saying "you can move in with me, but you can't ever talk to your siblings again".
     
  8. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    There are some animals who don't get along with others and you cannot integrate them. Its pretty obvious when that is the situation.
     
  9. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    So what?

    Animals don't get along at first anyway but they'll come around.

    Stop being a douche.
     
  10. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    this
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    This is very true.

    I would also say though that you'll never know how well particular animals mesh until you've tried (and tried it the right way). Worst case scenario, if you give it your best shot, do everything the right way and they don't get along- at least you can say you tried. Just cutting out the cats without trying will undoubtedly create resentment in your gf. If you guys tackle it as a team and she sees the results for herself, then she is more likely to accept the decision should it come to getting rid of them.

    That's my opinion anyway. :dunno:
     
  12. Dr. Funk

    Dr. Funk OT Supporter

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    Wow, never thought I'd get such one-sided replies but this is good....it gives me something to consider.

    Now I don't think my cat> than hers but in my defence I've had my cat a lot longer. I haven't really spent enough time at her place to find out if I break out in hives but my eyes do start to water as well as my sinues get F-ed.

    My cat has only seen another cat from really far down the hall and even then she took off under my bed. Remember, this is a cat that has not met another cat for 8 years so I'm not sure how they would gel. Knowing my cat though, I can't see it going over too well.

    My point is if we can ensure that her cats go to a good home then wouldn't it then make sense? If her cats found a home where their owner can give them plenty of attention and love, wouldn't that be a good resolution? Obviously, if she had family or friends that can take the cats that would be ideal but probably not the case.

    Your responses are appreciated and I am not the least offended.
     
  13. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    I understand your point, but you need to understand ours...

    How willing is your g/f going to be to get rid of the kittahs?

    Not likely.
     
  14. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    I had a cat for like 10yrs before we introduced a kitten into the family. At first he didn't like it but then they became good friends.

    Stop being stupid about this.
     
  15. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :werd: Just because they react strongly at first doesn't mean they'll never get along. Sometimes it just takes time.
     
  16. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I honestly don't think you are being too crazy. It will be your house correct? Then you are allowed to make your own rules. If you don't want to bend you don't have to. And the hair is a big issue as well. I had a long haired cat. And since they are young, you have to be prepared for years of cat hair all over your stuff. It's a pain in the ass, and it sucks to have to lint roll all of your clothes, and when I go over to people's houses, I honestly don't like getting fur all over me. Plus, 3 cats is a lot, that means a LOT of litter boxes and a lot of cleaning.
     
  17. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i see your point. the house will be "yours" by the sounds of things. meaning, that to a certain degree you can make the rules.

    your argument of the cats not liking eachother is kind of weak. you have never introduced them and therefore do not know. even if your cat hides at first eventually she will come out and get over it.

    however, the allergy thing i can see. if you get watery eyes and sinus issues at her place then i can understand not wanting the cats.


    what has she said about this?
     
  18. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    The house will be 'his' until she moves in.

    Then it's 'their' house.
     
  19. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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  20. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i disagree. if he buys the house w.o assistance from her its his. if they got married then yes of course its their house but while dating? nope, its his.

    if they break up who moves out? she does.

    if something goes wrong with the house who pays for it? i assume he does.... sure she may help.... but in the end its his responsibility.

    of course that does not give him the right, well.... actually it does, to be a nazi over the rules but its his house regardless.
     
  21. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    When I got my second cat, they hated each other. My first cat would growl and hiss all day at him. Up until that point he had never growled or hissed at anything.
    After a few weeks they began to warm up to each other.
    Now they cuddle up all the time with one another and are constantly grooming each other.
    They'll get over it.

    And if my SO ever said that to me, I'd seriously question how well I knew them. Pets become like children or family to people. it really is like saying to her 'Babe, I love you, I want you to move in, BUT you have to give your kids away.'

    How about you say "Hey, next weekend how about you bring over one of your cats? We'll start introducing them one at a time and see how things go." If you have a bathroom with a glass shower door, put one cat(Hers) in the shower with some food and water, and put your cat in the bathroom with his food and water right against the door, so if they were both to eat they would be facing one another. This will help them get to know each others scents and what they look like.
    It will be tough at first, but they'll grow used to it.
     
  22. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    seriously I hate to say it but your kind of a dick. if your allergic I suggest you take a trip to the doctor and get some meds for it, if she loves them so much you think you could take the 3 seconds to swallow some pills everyday for her?

    Cats getting along can be found out rather easy, try it now. Bring her cats to your house or your cat to hers.

    I don't think you even took the time to look at the options at all. You just saw that they would be coming and said not to it. To say that she loves them so much and that you will not allow it is kind of dick move man. You didn't even try.
     
  23. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    How serious/bad is the allergy? Most people in this thread seem to be overlooking your allergy. But if your eyes water, sinus' get F-up and you get all itchy etc... then you are completely 100% justified not wanting them in your house.

    Mind you I can't stand cats so maybe that's why I think you are justified :dunno:
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I would just buy a large dog and feed both parties cats to the said large dog. Lets be real for a second and consider this from the alpha male point of view:

    Real men own big dogs.

    My vote goes to get rid of all of the cats and buy a big bad ass dog.
     
  25. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    This. I had a cat for a while who was scared of everything. I ended up bringing another cat to live with us (kept them separated for weeks, slowly introducing them to each other) and they eventually got along well enough to coexist. The scaredy one would run and hide and get defensive a lot, but she wasn't unhappy so long as I made sure she got attention and everything. The other one adapted just fine. Eventually they would even lay next to each other and bathe each other. It didn't happen often, but it did happen.
     

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