SRS Relationship Issue (Semi-long post, sorry)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Sularis, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. Sularis

    Sularis New Member

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    Ok, in the past five months or so I have become aware that I have a horrible issue with relationships in general, which is affecting my current relationship in a very bad way. Whenever I go see my girlfriend, or talk to her on the phone, or pick her up for the weekend, or ANYTHING AT ALL that might be somehow related to her past relationships, I constantly remember what I have heard/know about her ex-boyfriends and waht they did togehter, and I feel really hurt about it, and that projects onto our mood, etc. and just affects us both horribly.

    For example, if I am going to pick her up on a school night, I for some reason cannot help but think about the fact that one of her ex-boyfriends would have gone over and they would have had sex and enjoyed each other, etc, and it just makes me want to throw up, etc. etc.

    I feel as if I am missing something or some concept that everyone else on the planet sees/feels. I see people who have remarried with children and have stepsons and daughters and I just can't honestly see myself in that sort of relationship wihtout feeling some extreme emotional pain everytime I think about them and their past. Like sometimes I feel like every other human being on the planet is blessed with the ability to just completely ignore the past or something. I just feel like if I wasn't around, my girlfriend would find someone else who makes her just as happy as I do, and therefore I am really not that significant and there is no reason for me to feel very special in her life. I hope that I am just being naive and somehow I can come to a revelation in this respect so that I can move on with this issue and have a healthy, happy relationship but at the moment I am just afraid that it is something that I will never be comfortable with.

    Has anyone else ever gone through this or had any experience with this problem and could tell me some things that might help me through it? I feel horrible because everytime I get upset I just ruin our night and I desperately want to figure out something to do about it.


    Sorry for the long post, and any advice is greatly and desperately appreciated.
     
  2. Outspoken_Hetero

    Outspoken_Hetero New Member

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    Dude, i'm in the same boat as you
    everytime me and the girlfriend are together i can't help but think that someone else could be making her as happy as me if not happier.
    thinking about her past as well ails me
    i wish i had never asked a single detail about anything but i did and she answered truthfully so now i get to know about all that shit.
    my advice is really if this relationship fails when you get into the next one leave the past as what it is, the past dont ask unless its on a need to know basis.
     
  3. bloodredsakura

    bloodredsakura New Member

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    Maybe you just need to be reassured that your girlfriend loves you and appreciates you. That she enjoys spending time with you more than her ex, and that she has no thought of her past relationships. You are probably just worried that you don't measure up. You should talk to her about it.
     
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Your problem sounds like you lack any self confidence at all. You're trying to self-sabotage things as well, to reinforce your inner view that you're worthless. But you know what? Fuck that! The reason why she dumped all those other guys is because THEY were worthless, and you're the catch. Now if you stop acting like you're pathetic and worthless, she will treat you well too.

    Do you beat her? Do you cheat on her? Do you never do nice things for her? Do you never take her out? I bet her ex's could have done things like that. So act like a mature adult and treat her like a mature woman and things will be fine. That means getting a grip on yourself and understanding that YOU have to stand up tall, see her when you in a good mood, and don't be a downer. Being a downer will reinforce your feelings of worthlessness, and will reflect in your relationship, and it'll end.

    Ignorance is bliss. Stop thinking about stupid BS like whatever it is that gets you down!
     
  5. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    Its a tricky thing. everyone has a past, some have more of one than others. Its not bad to ask for a little reassurance from her, that you are the one she loves, you are the one she is with, but dont be clingy about it and dont bring up the exes. even though they may be on your mind, dont talk about them. do you want them to drive a wedge between you two?

    I am getting over something similar. my current boyfriend has quite the past (navy guy, married twice, lived with a handful of girls, etc) and it really got under my skin for a while. What I ended up doing is anytime I would think about an ex or a past sexual situation that Im sure he had, I would have to consciously make myself stop thinking and think this "He is with me right now. This right here is the only thing that matters". Because its true, the here and now is the only thing that matters.

    dont let the past ruin the future. good luck
     
  6. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    this is a common situation in too many relationships. you start to compare notes, tell stories about past exes and past sexual situations, and it always comes back to bite you in the ass at the worst possible times. thats why i dont do the numbers game (how many have YOU slept with...) or the listing of all the crazy sexual things you have done in the past. its not worth it and just causes hard feelings.
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Her past is what's made her the girl she is today. She would be an entirely different person if you were to take those events away from her. Everyone has their demons and skeletons, and you need to realize and accept that. No one is perfect.

    You need to realize what really matters. Her past, unless it carries forward into the present (ie diseases, etc), is in the past. It needs to be acknowledged, but left there.
     
  8. teenfucker

    teenfucker Guest

    The way you feel probably isn't as uncommon as you think. There are a lot of self-centered, delusional, immature people in the world. I think the first step to overcoming your problem is realizing that you AREN'T that significant. Let's be realistic here, if you didn't exist, or if you didn't end up dating your girlfriend, you don't think that there is a good chance she could find someone else that makes her as happy as you do if not more so? :ugh:

    Don't get me wrong, when I'm dating a girl, like most people, the last thing I want to hear about is where her and her ex-bf had been having sex, or the way she sucked his dick, or any sort of extreme intimate (gross) sexual stuff between her and any guys - but as for anything romantic another guy ever did, or how much in love she was with someone else before me would have absolutely no negative effect on me - like someone else said, those experiences are what crafts her into the girl that you're with. STOP BEING SO SELFISH.

    I think the only way you will truely overcome this problem of yours is if you awaken from the delusion that life is like a fairy tale and that you'll just have to accept that your girlfriends world does not completely revolve around you.
     
  9. Smutty

    Smutty OT Supporter

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    Man, not being a dick but you sound very insecure. If you keep doing this she's going to leave you for the first confident guy that shows her any sort of attention.
     
  10. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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    stay in the AH.
     
  11. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    why? his point was bang on
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    "Maybe." :rofl: Don't act all moody about it. Have a comfortable convo.
     
  13. teenfucker

    teenfucker Guest

    :ugh2:
     
  14. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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    Yea, I just re-read it, I misread/misunderstood it the first time :o :hsd:
     

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