relationship going great, how do we keep it that way?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by amac88, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. amac88

    amac88 New Member

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    So, Im 19, my girlfriend is 18. We have only gone out for about 3 weeks, but we both feel that we really are "the one" for each other, I think she realized it first. We get along perfectly, each other's parents like us, its great, we both have never felt this way about anyone, and tahts sayin soemthin, considering she was almost married, then the guy cheated on her. She swore shed never love guys again, but then she found me, and shes quickly falling for me. We have both said repeatedly, that we were meant for each other and could easily see us together years from now.

    This relationship seems to be going great, but how can we make sure to keep it that way? We are both looking for a serious, long term relationship, and even talked for 4 hours about why most relationships go bad, and how to prevent that. Some things we came up with are, some arguing is healthy, but that you should always talk about how you feel afterwards. Also, dont place the blame on the other person, you should take responsibility yourself if you mess up. Also, we should make sure not to become too obsessed with each other. Is there anything else we can do to ensure that the relationship works out like we both want, and that we can actually end up "together forever"? What are your thoughts? We both wanna go at the right pace so this can work out perfectly as it has been.
     
  2. Stev

    Stev Active Member

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    if its going great, u keep it that way by continuous communication. And i mean more than, talking over lunch. When you feel frustrated, you voice it in a calm manner, and explain it thoroughly, etc. .. argueing isnt necessarily healthy. I cant remember 1 arguement my ex and i had, because we communicated so well.. until the last month or so.

    Find common interests that you can do together, and work together at. Running, bowling, any hobby really. Just something that you 2 can do together that you both enjoy and can do semi-regularly. Its a good way to build team-wise kind of thinking and problem solving that will trickle down into all parts of your relationship.

    Go out of your way to do something nice, every so often. And that doesnt mean you buy her flowers every couple months. It means u do something thoughtful and takes effort. My ex would randomly come to my apartment, clean the entire place, do laundry and cook me hamburger helper and put it into containers so i could have it for lunch the next 4 days. Just out of the blue becuase shewanted to do something special. I would make up an excuse to borrow her car and wash it and clean it inside and out. So when she left work it would be clean and have candy on her front seat when its done.


    Basicly... Stupid stuff that each couple has their little quirks together, you need to find what makes you 2 click, and what makes you 2 stronger.
     
  3. Stev

    Stev Active Member

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    Also i should add, be careful... you are young, im in my early 20's and everyone jumped down my throat about wanting to spend the rest of my life with a girl i knew for 4 years.

    TAKE YOUR TIME.

    Setting those kind of long term goals sets you on a path for disappointment. Until you guys have logged in a lot of time(many months), its still a very very new relationship, and you both have a lot to learn about the other. Live for today, keep finding out more about the other. You have the rest of your lives to dream about long term commitments. Relationship is everyday dude, so take it day by day.

    And if she was already engaged by 18 and had it broken off, blinking red warning lights. Be careful.
     
  4. amac88

    amac88 New Member

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    weve been going out, i took her skating last friday, she loved it. We havent had one argument...maybe that was the wrong term...we get along perfectly, talk every day even if we only see each other every 3-4 days. We talk at night until 2-3 in the morning, about all kinds of stuff. Ive learned more about her than people Ive known for years. We both really feel that we are meant to be. Neither of us has had this happen, most of her ex's were like "My way or the highway bitch", so shes never had a guy who actually cared about HER and how she felt. She has low self esteem, one because she is a bigger girl, and two because all her life, shes been treated like women were in the 19th century, where their opinion doesnt matter, its all about the guy. Ive explained to her, that to me, its all about the girl. Because she is totally dedicated to me, and I to her, I think that has really helped. We are also extremely similar, same interests in music, movies, activities, etc. Like she told me "I have honestly never felt this way before, I love it, everything in my life is finally perfect now".

    After my ex, I quit believing in "soulmates" but now, I think there are such things, but my ex and I were not it. Its different with her though. I honestly could see us together in our adult life. We both take cheating and stuff like that very seriously, unlike the other guys she has dated. Also, unlike them, I didnt drop out of school, dont do hard drugs (neither does she), and am truly a caring person. Shes thinking about coming to the same college Im at, which would be great.

    However, I keep thinking that this is too good to be true. I always think people have some ulterior motive or something, not sure why. But Im sure that she is genuinely the girlfriend Ive always wanted. Someone who cares about me as much as I do about them.
     
  5. Stev

    Stev Active Member

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    Hey... everyone here will get it. Both you had rough relationships in the past, and now you both found someone you click with and it feels amazing. Congrats! its an awesome feeling.. try to hold onto it. But what i meant was... try to keep it in perspective also. Its still new, and you guys havent been through any trials together yet either. Talking on the phone and hanging out occasionally will give u the outter shell of someone and u get a taste of who they are. But there is soooo much more to learn about a person.

    Work at it and make it last, and it would be sweet if things lasted long term. But i think its a bit soon to be talking long term already.
     
  6. amac88

    amac88 New Member

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    What can I say/do to make sure that we dont end up losing it because we went too quickly? Im new to this whole thing.
     
  7. inyoeye

    inyoeye huh?

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    just go with the flow. dont force anything to happen. with stuff taht has happened with my recently, you just have to lets things happen the way they should.
     
  8. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    she's already been "almost married" at 18? sounds like she may be back to old habits with you.
     
  9. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    yeah, you are young, but dont let people discourage you about that. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, and I'm 19. I still get butterflies in my stomach every time I'm going to see him. You CAN make it work, but you both have to really want it, and remind yourselves of that every day. This time in our lives is very difficult, trying to find out what we want to do with the rest of our lives, get through college, learn to live on our own, etc. If you can make it through all those challenges and come out together, that's when you'll know youre meant to be together.

    Meanwhile, I want to say, do NOT rush things. You are feeling great right now, and congrats because thats the most amazing feeling in the world, but you havent known each other long enough to go through any trials together and see how each other reacts. One of the best indicators of a couple that will stay together is how often they thank each other for everyday things. "Thank you for helping me clean, I really appreciate you" or something like that. Also, it has to do with being genuinely excited for your SO when they have something good happen to them, and providing the right kind of support when they need you. Try and suprise each other with cute little things to keep the excitement, such as an "i love you" left in her wallet. Its all about the little things.

    So from one youngin' to another, there ya go, hope this helps just a little and gl with the girlie.
     
  10. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    oh I thought of something else. do not pressure her to go to the same college. I made the decision to go to college 2 1/2 hours away from my boyfriend, and that was the best decision I could have made for me personally. If I had sacrificed my #1 choice for him, and chosen a school with a lesser academic program closer to him, I never would have forgiven myself. Even if we had stayed together, it would have created a wedge in our relationship. Each person needs to do what's best for them, and what's meant to be will work out. My relationship is stronger now due to the distance than ever.
     
  11. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    i'm replying to the title alone
    -don't be needy
    -by default, she is the 2nd most important thing in your life, almost never the 1st
    -don't be in a rush. just kick back and let her keep coming to you
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    There's a few things I noticed you are doing that I would say is absolutely going to blow it for you:

    While I am not advocating fighting or being rude, I would like to suggest you remember one thing: Tell her the truth. If that means you disagree, so be it. If that means you tell her that you're not happy with her behavior at such-and-such place, so be it. Simply put: Never hold your tongue out of fear of upsetting her. You should hold your tongue long enough to determine how best to deliver the message however. If you're mad at her, don't just stew about it and never tell her. Tell her "I'm in a bad mood, and I need some time to figure out how to deal with it." Then when you figure it out, tell her - politely, maturely, and come to a resolution.

    That resolution may be to disagree. Again, so be it.

    Relationships are give AND take. If you frequently give her whatever she wants, you are supplicating to her (kissing up to her.) There are a number of reasons why to avoid this, as the behavior essentially suggests you have low self confidence, low self worth, and are a child. It's very important to ask for things from her, from the relationship. For example - if you cook, she should clean. Or if you want a blow job because you're horny, ask for it. If you are too tired to run to the store to get groceries, ask her to do it. I see many guys who never ask for anything, and you essentially are acting like her man-slave.

    Women generally want a leader, someone who can speak his mind, make decisions, ask for what he wants, and be mature. They are looking for a partner, not a follower.

    Other than that, I never believed in soulmates until I met my current wife. Congrats if you've found her. :big grin:
     
  14. FoxyKrista

    FoxyKrista New Member

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    aww congrats on the relationship! i too am in a newer relationship.. almost 2 months and its amazing. we do tend to fight the odd time.. just like tonight we got into a bit of a tiff.. i hung up and he never called back. this way we can both think about stuff and re-group in the morning. but other than the odd little arguement.. we are like peanut butter and jelly, hes absolutely amazing. i couldnt ask for anyone better. we talk about everything.. and in 3 weeks hes coming to spend the weekend at my house.. you know meet the parents lol. he lives about an hour and a half away.. and the distance makes our relationship that much stronger. its an amazing feeling, i hope all works out for you!
     
  15. Cyanide

    Cyanide New Member

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    I had a somewhat similar case... it didn't work out, so don't kid yourself so early. Otherwise you are in for a rough ride if it ends. People change... remember that. But congrats on finding someone who you feel so close to already.
     
  16. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Personally, I don't think you can 'make' a relationship last. Just go at whatever pace feels natural and take things a day at a time.. There is no error proof method to make a relationship perfect forever. As long as you wake up each day vowing to make this the best day of her life, and she does the same, then you'll be ok. Just dont overdo it. :squint:
     
  17. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    My take on it is that your first relationships (unless you're very lucky) are like practice relationships. It's like learning to ride a bike - you crash a lot.

    After that, I think a relationship is like a garden. You have to keep working on it, weeding it, watering it, etc. That means you cannot get lazy (i.e., fat, boring, mean, whatever) and "let it go" otherwise the same thing will happen to your relationship that would a garden - things die, weeds grow.
     
  18. dook9922

    dook9922 New Member

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    my best advice would be to SLOW DOWN. If it is truly the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, then theres no worries of making it last. Talking about "being the one" in three weeks scares me...you really have no idea who this person is. Have that conversation after about 6months..until you see more of what this girl is like.
     
  19. Xtodemiria

    Xtodemiria New Member

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    Don't complicate it so much! All that matters is whether or not you make each other happy....seriously. Just ride it out. Life's supposed to be unexpected, don't try to plan and prevent so much or it will blow up in your face.
     

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