SRS Relationship: Confused!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Prepsho, Apr 2, 2005.

  1. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    First off the main relationship here is long distance.

    Her and I have been really close for about 6 months and I love her to death. She's the one I could see myself growing old with. But as of a little over a month ago, she decided to see other people and is currently going out with a local guy. She doesn't like him at all, but doesn't want to leave him. She says I'm the greatest person in the world and she'd do anything to have me with her right now. Even though she's with this other guy, she'd rather me be together and she would probably grow apart from me if I messed with some other girl.

    Well not too long ago I met this other girl. Not the kind of girl I can see myself growing old with, but she is what dreams are made of and I'm finding myself caught between two people. I'm falling in love with this girl while I'm in love with another. Both girls know each other (not friends), but my main love is very hostile towards this new girl and doesn't know I'm falling in love with her.

    I tried to prevent feelings from developing but we're so good together, they just worked. Now I really have no clue what to do. Is there anything wrong with loving two girls as long as you aren't intimate with both? I would never want to do anything to break apart my 1st love and I, but damn, this is complicated.

    Both girls say I'm the greatest person ever, and I think the same about them. My main girl is seeing someone else, but I feel I've let her and myself down by offering my feelings to this other girl also. Ugh I'm trapped :wtc:

    (HIGHSCHOOL)

    Cliffs: In love with girl (long distance) but she's seeing someone else, falling in love with another girl and I really feel like shit here

    Any advice on what to do would greatly be appreciated, I know this is similar to the other thread made about 2 loves, but my situation is really different.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The conclusion is fairly simple, the new girl who is within your range and within your circle is the one you should go out with. Because she is already going out with another guy instead of you. And the only way you two could really go out together, is to mutually decide to drop the other two people and date your main love, namely you and the first girl you have met. But the only way i would support this is when the two of you are going to live together. She isn't going to let that other guy (even tho she doesn't love him ) go , and you need to move on with your life, Therefore i logically conclude that you should date the new girl you have recently fallen in love with. You won't break your main girls heart because she was with the other guy anyway. So therefore the signals in my opinion for this new girl are on green, and for your main on red. Don't feel guilty because she decided for him and not for you. And you have to move on.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Girl #1. You guys were really close, and you love her to death. Un huh. Does she "love you to death"?

    I realize this is long distance, and that makes things difficult, but you say she subsequently decided to see other people. Decided to see other people. A girl who's madly in love with you doesn't decide to see other people.

    Why is she seeing this other guy she apparently doesn't like all that much? Boredom?

    Would you, if the situation were reversed, and she was pining away for you and tenderly stroking your picture every night...would you "decide to see other people" and get it on with a local ho.

    If Girl #2 really likes you, has GENUINE feelings for you, then I think you should pursue it.
    Girl #1 isn't all you think she is. It's clear she doesn't return the feelings, a bit, yes, but not to the degree that you're projecting onto her.

    It seems to me that Girl #2 is real, and Girl #1 is mostly illusion and wish-fulfillment (on your part). Stay real.

    If Girl #1 is meant to be, it will be.

    And after you get more experience dating, you may find that your notions of what you want in a girl will have changed. You may see Girl #1 with clearer eyes and no longer hold her to be the ultimate.
     
  4. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    Thanks the both of you. Both of your answers are close to what I've been hearing from close friends. I think I've grown accustomed to loving girl #1 and I'm naturally staying with it because I don't want to break off from it.

    I don't really understand why she is seeing this other guy at all. She talks to me on the phone much more than him, talks about how much she'd rather be with me, etc.. but never acts on it.

    Then she claims I'm selfish for wanting her to break up with this kid. I feel I've given my part, and things aren't going to change anytime soon. What really hurts was we were going to do something really big this summer.

    I think the problem is with Girl #2 .. i have a feeling it's still lust. She sincerely told me I'm not like other guys and I'm one of the sweetest guys she's ever met. I'm really falling hard for her though.

    I guess it's just hard. Girl #1 tells me she loves me with all her heart and always will love me, but she doesn't seem to be doing much to keep us from falling apart.

    It's been all arguments with her recently too. Her best friend doesn't know how she is treating my like this because she's usually not this way. Girl #1 hates Girl #2, she's the jealous type. Girl #2 sat there and told me she doesn't want to hurt anything between me and Girl #1, and that she doesn't want to break us apart. Girl #1 says I shouldn't trust Girl #2, because she may just be trying to appease me, but damn!

    I think I already know my decision. It's just going to be hard as hell, because i've grown so accustomed to Girl #1.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Jebus!
    Let's see, Girl #1 wants to see another guy. Girl #1 tells you that YOU are selfish for wanting her to break up.
    My god, who's the selfish one here? Try to look at this objectively. Girl #1 just went WAAAY down in my books.

    Oh, and about that guy she apparently doesn't like all that much, but is still dating? You and I both know that is a white lie because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you how awesome he is.

    We both know actions speak louder than words. The fact she is dating him (yes, dating him and not you) says it all. Words to the contrary are irrelevant and misleading.

    Girl #2 sounds like a good hearted sweetie with good morals and genuine concern.
    Girl #1 is just trying to string you along, and she's the jealous type too? Sounds very emotionally immature which falls right in line with her behaviour thus far.

    I say this is a done deal here. Girl #2. NOW.
    Girl #1 doesn't deserve your love.
     
  6. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    Thanks guys. How does this sound.

    I'm going to ask her about this guy she's going out with right now and everything I'm feeling. If she gets hostile at all and tells me I shouldnt worry about it and stop asking her, do you think I should call everything off right there?

    I'll tell her everything that's bothering me. Fuck I need to let it out.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    It looks like all you need to do is debate logic with her. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be dating another guy if she "loves you so much". Likewise, it doesn't make sense for you to wait around until she finally gets bored/aggravated enough to do something about it. You have a life, it revolves around you and not her, and it needs to move on - whether that means seeing the local girl or not. The animosity between the girls (or from the one girl) is irrelevant here.
     
  8. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    I'll try to keep this short. Your long distance girl has already made up her mind, she chose the other guy over you, probably out of convenience. You on the other hand see this other possibility close to home, but love girl #1 and would be willing to stick through the long distance thing for her. Girl #2 you seem to be even more compatible with than girl #1. Not to mention, she is close to home. Leave girl #1, she doesn't seem to be really worth your time or deserving of your affection. Try things out with girl #2, it sounds like they will work out well. However, you may not want to jump right into things with girl #2. I'd also remind you to be strong when girl #1 comes crying back for you when you start dating girl #2. She will probably do it out of jealousy, not because she truly wants the relationship with you over this other guy all of a sudden. Good luck. You're in high school, have fun.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    girl 1 loves you so much that she is seeing another guy :ugh2:
     

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