relationship/cheating problems with gf...need some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by cryptonomicon, Dec 30, 2004.

  1. cryptonomicon

    cryptonomicon verba volant, scripta manent

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    this is kind of complicated, so I'll just start writing

    I've known this girl for maybe close to 14 months and we had been just friends, but we had always had a certain thing for each other. So, two months ago we started dating. Before she would date me though she warned me that she had had some issues in her first two relationships with cheating, and I sort of accepted that fact not knowing really what to expect.

    So in the past two months I've begun to fall in love with her, and her with me, and when we're together we get along great, have fun, talk, etc. Since we've been together, she's cheated on me twice, but has been completely honest about it. I had promised her before we began dating that I would not get mad at her if she did, but that I would obviously be upset and hurt. So the first time she told me, she had given head to one of her old friends who had always wanted to be with her, and she said she did it because she felt bad because he was so sad. The second time was a few weeks ago, we were at a party and drunk, and she made out with another guy.

    We've talked about it a lot, and she honestly is sorry that it hurts me. She has a kind of flirty personality, and is extremely beautiful but doesn't think so herself. She says she really doesn't know what it is with her that she can't control it, that she feels insecure sometimes and wants to see if guys are attracted to her. We were having some difficulties, so yesterday she decided to break up and take a break for a week or so. Basically, this is so we can have a week apart and she can be free to do things with other guys. We're both 20 in college, and she's actually a virgin and I've only had one sexual partner before in my life. She won't have sex with anyone else, and we're both sure of that. But for some reason she can't control herself and *needs* to be free to make out, etc. with other guys, for the fun of it...Even after all this I still am in love with her, and she is still in love with me (we've talked a lot about it, and I believe her when she says she loves me). We're both pretty intelligent, and intellectually she is different than any other woman I've ever known.

    I'm not sure how many other people have any experience with this kind of thing. A lot of people, our age at least, either a) would drop the girl after the first time she cheated on him, or b) are in relationships more for the sex/physical attractions than for the actual relationship and love. But I still love her and forgave her, but just wish there were something that can be done to overcome her uninhibited need to be "flirty"...

    So any advice or suggestions or additional ways of talking to her about it would be appreciated...thanks for taking the time to read :hs:
     
  2. cryptonomicon

    cryptonomicon verba volant, scripta manent

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    I've been seriously considering it and we talked about breaking up permanently...but I still love her, and, as hard as it may seem, she does love me.

    I'm sure there are somewhere, but I've never met a woman as great as her and who understands me as well as she does. And we do get along really well; we hardly ever argue or fight and when we do we're honest and communicate our feelings well...I just don't know what to do. And if there is nothing that can be done and it can't change, I'm sure we will break it off. But I'm not completely going to lose hope just yet.
     
  3. MR2T

    MR2T New Member

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    man do you really think a relationship will last if she keeps on cheating on you?

    Everywhere you would turn you would have to worry about her sucking some other guy off, shell come back to you and kiss you on the lips......and your alright with that? Youd be surprised how many girls out there you can actually click with or can actually understand you.

    I say back away from her slowly, if you fall for this girl more and more it will just hurt you more and more in the long run.....Shell be cheating as your emotions just get stronger and stronger...

    Dont let your heart do the thinking....use your brain

    take this as some advice.....a hoe will be a hoe
     
  4. cryptonomicon

    cryptonomicon verba volant, scripta manent

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    thanks...and it might not seem like it but I realize everything you say is true. My only reason for not getting away from her now is that she said she will honestly try to commit to being faithful after we get back together after this next week. She said she just needs to get it all out of her system and then start over. If this is true then things will end up working out if she doesn't do anything, if that doesn't work then I will break up with her...I'm just looking for some advice on how to handle this or if there are any other practical ways of approaching the issue.
     
  5. cryptonomicon

    cryptonomicon verba volant, scripta manent

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    actually she didn't say she wasn't going to do it again...she said she'd try and then if she did we'd both agree to break it off
     
  6. deaddweeb

    deaddweeb Gundy, Gunder, Gunthy, Goonter, Günder... GUNTER! OT Supporter

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    I say once a cheater, always a cheater. Right Kristy?!
     
  7. Hunter Michaels

    Hunter Michaels The Real American Gigolo

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    I have a rule that if a girl lies or cheats on me that is it, simple because I am firm believer that no relationship can last without trust. If a girl cheats on you she either does not respect you or she does not respect herself. I don't know what her history is with guys, whether she needs affection from many men or what, but obviously she has some issues she needs to work out. I know it sucks but I would draw the line and end it simply because you deserve better and the longer you wait the more you are going to put yourself through, because if she cheats once she will continue to do it as long as you let her.
     
  8. deaddweeb

    deaddweeb Gundy, Gunder, Gunthy, Goonter, Günder... GUNTER! OT Supporter

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    I agree darkstarr... my g/f has cheated on me and just recently made me lose ANY and ALL respect and trust for her at all. So I don't know what the point is with no trust right now.
     
  9. Hunter Michaels

    Hunter Michaels The Real American Gigolo

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    OT stalker?
     
  10. deaddweeb

    deaddweeb Gundy, Gunder, Gunthy, Goonter, Günder... GUNTER! OT Supporter

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    meh, i'll say sure, not like she not gonna bitch at me for whatever else on here. :ugh:
     
  11. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    :wtf:

    She said she had a problem with cheating, then proceeded to cheat on you twice?

    My view of a relationship doesn't involve cheating. I don't buy that she did it because "he was sad". What the hell is that? "Sympathy Head"? Did she give him a card with that? "Sorry your so sad, I'll get my knees and make you glad...." ?

    I mean really is this the kind of relationship you want to have? To be constantly worrying about what she's doing?

    You really deserve better. You should not have to go through life getting your heart kicked around simply because she's flirty or feels bad for an old friend who likes her.
     
  12. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Sounds like you are just dating more than anything else.

    If you want my opinion, I would say you are being foolish. Other people know you are being cheated on, and they think you are stupid. And by other people, I mean other women. So they are thinking you are some whipped, spineless guy and would have nothing to do to you. The big problem with that is that Miss Wonderful is probably out there, who would be a lot more compatible with you, and she is not going to get involved with someone spineless like you.

    Date her - sure - but be sure you are also dating other women. It's a two way street. Otherwise she is using you, and you are getting a raw deal.
     
  13. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    RUN...don't walk away......I wouldn't be able to deal with someone like that, if you want the emotional rollercoaster because you feel you can't find someone better, then I feel for you.....
     
  14. MR2T

    MR2T New Member

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    just make sure you try to take some of our advice into consideration only to save you from heartache man. I really do feel bad for you because if i was put in your situation i think i would flip/

    I say you break it off. If she really does love you it will teach her a lesson to be more faithful. Relationships are built on trust.

    Theres plenty of fish in the sea.
     
  15. Jaccordan

    Jaccordan Guest

    IM sorry but this thread is a joke. Your both not intelligent. Niether one of you have any respect for yourselves.

    If you dont knwo that you need to leave the bitch, then your a n idiot.


    Heres an idea, you buy her christmas presents, take her out to dinner, and be her cuddle bitch, while i get head from her and cum in her eye. Then when im done with her she can go back and kiss you.


    your ridiculous man :ugh:
     
  16. booxbooxkittie

    booxbooxkittie New Member

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    Yep, I guess that I am a stalker since you are just so amazing and I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do but sit on here and read stupid things that you say about me cuz you are too much of a pussy to say it to my face. But hey, at least I was not OBSESSED with any of my exs when we were dating. The key word here is WERE. You say that you just need space...that is BS. You just want me out of your life...so here it is...I am OUT of your damn life.
     
  17. Toastier

    Toastier Guest

    Are you a man? Does not sound like it, men do not put up with that. Once you get older you will realize to not waste time on women like this or even remotely like this. I would not even keep as a fuck buddy since you think you have fallen for her. Do no delude yourself, if she loved you she would not even consider touching another guy yet alone sucking his dick, because he is sad, I will say it again, that is a horrid excuse.

    Get some balls and some confidence and move on, so she is hot, you fucked her, move on.
     
  18. Jules

    Jules Guest

    listen, why dont u start being smart once in a while, u think shes gonna try to be faithful this time? shes gonna use that as an excuse "ooo i swear to god i tried not to suck his dick???" yea whatever:squint: and also, she needs to get it all out of her system?? instead of sucking some guys dick shove a cucumber in her mouth and tell her to get the fuck out. im just bein real...be the smart one here and get ur self out of this situation before u get even more attached! seriously itll only get worse, trust me save the heartache, theres lots of girls out there that are ready to be serious partners, obviously shes not:nono: , Good Luck tho in any decision u make:hsd:
     
  19. booxbooxkittie

    booxbooxkittie New Member

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    I totally agree with you. I dated this guy a few years ago. He was cheating on his girlfriend with me; I did not know that they were together until he moved and came back (which was after they broke up) and he called me from her house and told me that he was cheating on me with her and told me what had happened with them. Like everyone else has been saying, once a cheater always a cheater. No matter what they say, it is NEVER an excuse for cheating. I cheated on my boyfriend like the first week that we had been going out--my excuse was that I was not used to being in a relationship, which is true...I had always had a rule to stay with a guy for no longer than a month. It was a dumb excuse but the truth. I would never touch another guy now. I can't even look at other guys. I don't find them attractive anymore...
     
  20. EdvardGrieg

    EdvardGrieg New Member

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    I agree with everyone else, the fact that you gave her an out and just wanted her to be honest about the cheating with you is just inviting problems. From her point of view, she is getting her cake and eating it too. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger, I mean hell, I can understand if she danced with another guy and you wigged out about it, but she sucked another guy off, where are this girl's morals?

    Run away, run away fast.
     
  21. xxxgames12

    xxxgames12 Guest

    *ahem* bastard
     
  22. spornf

    spornf Guest

    Dude, get over her. Once a cheater always a cheater, just dump the whore. She isn't worth it.
     

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