relationship advice wanted.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by taintedfear, Feb 13, 2008.

  1. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    I don't even know where to begin this. I'm 22 years old and have been with my SO for about 7 years now and we have been engaged for 6 years. Yes I know that is a long time to be engaged but we wanted to wait until I graduated college, which hasn't happened yet because I had to drop out to cover bills. The past few months things just haven't been feeling right on my end of this relationship. It seems more like a friends with some benefits package then anything anymore. I don't feel the same way towards here as I once did before. Now I know for our anniversary she wanted a new engagement ring. But I don't think I want to spend that money if I don't think I will still be with her. I have no idea what to do anymore. The shitty part is our anniversary is the 21st of this month.

    I kinda do want to end things with her but I still want to try in the end still be friends with her. I know in the beginning that will be hard for her because I know she does love me. But what makes this situation even harder is the fact we work together as team. I don't want to have to quit my job and I don't want her to have to quit just because of all of this. So my question is what do I do?
     
  2. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    I only read the first two sentences but I know this is what you need to do; Break up and go live your life on your own.
     
  3. donpisto

    donpisto New Member

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    If she says its over because you didnt get her a new engangement ring then you should pass on her. Yes, 6 years is a long time to be engaged but if I'm doing the math correctly, then you were engaged at the age of 16, which is quite young. I know where you're coming from. My gf just broke up with me yesterday and I didn't want to throw away 3 years that I put into the relationship. Towards the end, since we had several problems, I didn't love her like I used to. I didn't have the balls to end it either, I just thought we could work things out. All it does is make how you feel last longer. Things can change, but you have to target those things. You said on your end of the relationship things don't feel right. Gotta think about what exactly that is and if it is possible to make them right.

    I'm still hurting from my relationship and it will continue to hurt, and I'm sure it will hurt you if you end up breaking things up. You have to do what is best for you, no matter how much you want for her to be good. If there are things she needs to change, all you can do is give advice and help, but ultimately it is up to her to make that change.

    Also, I don't see why she would quit her job over breaking up. It will be hard and hurtful, but one shouldn't quit their job over it.

    What things are there that make you feel that things aren't right on your end of the relationship?
     
  4. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Now I read the entire post and agree with what I originally posted.

    It may suck for a while but you'll find a whole new way of enjoying life being single and independant. There are plenty of jobs/careers out there hustle a little and find a new one.
     
  5. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    you dropped out of school to pay for fucking bills? you should look for scholarships. there are millions of dollars that go unclamied each year....

    fastweb.com
     
  6. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    To try and sum up the things that don't feel right in the relationship in easier terms. There really is no spark in it for me anymore. We ran into this problem before and we tried to work on them but it just made a vicious cycle and it seemed to put us back to where it was before. It's like I said before it just seemed to turn more into a friendship with benefits then an actual relationship.
     
  7. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    I did the first thing that came to me. I'm sorry I would rather keep a roof over my head and finish school at a later time then be homeless. But I will definitely be checking that out and try and finish my last year and a half.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2008
  8. J-Ace24

    J-Ace24 double down.

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    I think you already know what you have to do. You're young, don't regret losing some freedom and good times to come because you feel you're in an endless cycle.

    Oh, and don't try to be friends. At least for the first year +. It's awkward even though you don't think it will be.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Woooowww, you got "engaged" at 16??? :ugh: What kind of ring was it, an onion ring from the high school cafeteria?

    I'm trying to make this as easy as possible....You have been together far too long, the love is gone and eventually if you did stay with her you'd probably break up anyhow because neither of you have experience ANYONE but each other. That alone can almost always make a relationship fail, and this is why so many young couples who marry don't last.

    You dropped out of school to pay bills and now she expects you to buy her a new engagement ring? She sounds selfish. Anywho, the point is you're not feeling it anymore, and I don't blame you. You've got to end this relationship for yourself.
     
  10. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    oops I just my math sorry it's been a long day and I still have to go to work tonight. sorry we got engaged at 18. (well I was 18 she was 19) Sorry I just realized my math is off. But ya I dropped out of school a year ago and now the hard part is getting back because of living check to check trying to cover bills. The new engagement ring was supposed to come out of my tax refund.

    The sad part about this all is I don't know how to go about doing this. I'm normally very good with my words but when it comes to something like this I am so tongue tied.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2008
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well of course it's hard. Telling the girl you've been with since like age 15/16 is ridiculously hard! The point is you can't beat yourself up over her possibly getting hurt, or "how do I put this perfectly"...you just have to realize you are unhappy and deserve to live your life to the fullest, not using your tax return to buy he another fucking engagement ring :rolleyes: God that makes me mad that she would ask that.

    You've got to do it man, and soon. The longer you wait the harder it gets and the more you just start to settle.
     
  12. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    I know what you mean but I think the biggest factor making me hold off on doing is it is I would like to find a new job first so then I don't have to make it harder on her having to see and work with me every night.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Putting it off that long isn't going to make it much less a problem.
     
  14. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    very true I know this one. I guess you could say I am making excuses big time. Ya the last month this has been eating at me how to go about this that I am hardly sleeping and that sucks and not healthy in the least.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    See, you've already put it off a month, that's like torture. You need to end it. End it and get your life together. Start worrying about yourself, you're not really in a good position to be taking care of anyone.
     
  16. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    You got that right. I think I might go about this in the morning when I drop off after work. I know if she wants she can always ask for a new partner at work. And she does have her own transportation to work.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Do you not live together?
     
  18. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    no we don't lol she still lives at home with her parents and for now I live with my brother helping him take care of my niece since his wife left him.
     
  19. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Be strong and just start telling her now, like get off the computer and go over there or call her, it'll all come out once you start. Then whatever you do don't pussy out.
     
  20. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    ya and deal with that all through work? I think I will wait for after work so I can get away from her for awhile.
     
  21. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    ok so here's my opinion...

    1. why the hell does she need a new ring? an engagment ring is just supposed to signify the committment to each other, and hold the place of a wedding band. i've never heard of someone getting a NEW one before theyre even married.

    2. Sounds like the 7 year itch to me. Most common time for divorces to take place, and its very hard for a lot of couples to keep up that "spark" after this time. Many relationships go through a serious transition here, and those that make it through are the strong ones.

    3. You have done what couples who have been together as long as you have are terrified of: you grew apart. Of course you're not the same person as you were when you were 15 and fell in love with her, and she's not the same person either. Instead of growing together, you grew apart, and its good that you realized this before you got married...even though it sounds like you were just dating with a ring that didnt necessarily mean "soon-to-be-married", but thats JMO
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Please do it soon.
     
  23. taintedfear

    taintedfear New Member

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    I will and thank you for the advice. I guess I just needed to hear it from people outside of it all.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Of course. Update us too. Just because people are viewing and not posting is because they are surely thinking the exact same thing I posted. We'd all love an update, and when you do we'll all most likely be here to help.
     
  25. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yeah, sounds like you def. need to get out of this.

    You got engaged WAY WAY to young, and neither of you are mature enough (because of lack of experience) to really appreciate being in a committed relationship and what personal independence and freedom is like.
    This type of stuff is very important (believe it or not) and is essential for someone to earn/possess to make a real relationship work to the point of marriage.

    No one is saying you have to date tons of girls or sleep with tons of girls before getting married... It goes deeper than that. You need to develop independence for yourself and learn that there is a certain sweetness to personal freedom.... This helps prevent the standard relationship downfall via being too attached and co-dependent.

    My advice is to break it off on a friday so that you AT LEAST get a couple days break from one another before you have to see each other at work. Or even, do it on a thursday and call in sick friday.
     

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