Relationship Advice v. Distance

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by rolandal, Nov 11, 2008.

  1. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    Me and my g/f just had a talk, and she feels like we are becoming more "distant" and she says she doesn't feel the initial "spark" anymore. What are some ways of strengthening this, or ways to help solve this problem.

    It is weird because we just spend the whole weekend together, and are together almost 5 days out of every week. We always are going out and doing fun things, and this just completely came out of the blue.

    I told her we need to work on it, and that every relationship needs "work" to succeed, and that in order to know what close feels like, you need to feel distant every once in a while too. There are ups and down in every relationship and you need to talk and work things out and not just give up on things.

    Any honest suggestions or ideas? :wavey:
     
  2. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    sex. if things in your everyday life aren't dull as you say they aren't (you guys do fun things all the time, see each other a lot, etc) then she might need a little bit'o'passion in the bedroom.

    Has the sex been getting boring lately? Or am I way off key here?
     
  3. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    Our chemistry has always been phenomenal. This is the longest we have gone w/o having sex (5 days) since we have started dating. Prior to that its 5-6 times a week...

    This hit me completely out of nowhere. And it was discussed over the phone noless :hs:
     
  4. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    Happened to my ex a few months ago. She is across the country.
    We broke up because of it not being fixed(I thought it had been)
     
  5. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    How long have you been with her?

    EDIT: Sounds like she has found someone else :hsd:
     
  6. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    We have been dating for 8 months. I really don't think she has found someone else; she has no time for anything else besides work, me, and her family. We are always doing something, she just thanked me so much for this weekend. We went on field for the Chargers game, met players etc, she is a big charger fan. The day before we went to a nice nightclub Kress in Hollywood and had a blast.. 1st and 2nd date kinda material...
     
  7. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Don't be naive my friend.

    By "found someone else" I don't mean fucking his brains out.
     
  8. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    You've been together for less than a year and she's already cooling off towards you.

    Face the facts, and at least be happy that she had the guts to tell you.
     
  9. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    I have non-refundable tickets to goto Japan with her for New Years... through Delta, now what do I do...

    This is us yesterday:

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Zee916

    Zee916 Engineering the world.......

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    Dude, she has time. I thought the same thing with my last girl.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    well was she receptive when you said that you want to work on it?

    sometimes you just get too comfortable around each other. remember in the beginning when you both probably but a great deal of time and effort into how you looked, smelled and acted when you first started dating? im assuming that has faded now because thats pretty normal.

    if she is willing to work on it, both of you should make an effort for each other, towards each other. but dont beat a dead horse. if things dont improve, know that it might be time to move on
     
  12. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    If things go south... go to Japan and hookup with Asian women? From what my brother tells me they love tall white guys and they are very willing to put out.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    8 MONTH LUMP!

    I was just talking about this not long ago in another thread. My theory is (or at least what I've always noticed with a lot of couples) is when they get to 8 months of dating they hit a slump. Basically you've been togther a long enough amount of time where that initial honeymoon phase starts to wane. You finally see the true person for who they are and some people have a really hard time coming to grips with the idea that that spark seems to be gone or you no longer get butterflies. You also spent almost every day of the week together and after time that starts to sometimes freak people out when the butterflies stop happening. It starts to become just too much.

    Am I to assume she hasn't been in another long term relationship before you?

    The point is she has to want to work on your relationship. I fear she has met another guy or is at least intrigued by another man and this is what's escalating her reaction that things just aren't "working out." If she's not willing to work on things and just wants to give up it means she doesn't really love you, and/or she's into someone else, and/or she's not emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship; simple as that.
     
  14. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    I think it might be the later. I honestly don't think she is intrigued by anyone else, and she has never said that she loved me. She has never told a boyfriend that.

    Is there a way out of this slump, or should I just start to move on. I know I am willing to work on it, but I realize it comes from two directions.

    Any specific tips on how to go from distant to close?
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hs: I'm sorry. The fact that you two haven't said "I love you" says a lot. And I am by no means saying in 8 months you two should have said I love you (my bf and I did somewhere around 8 months I think), but you say she's never said it before so it's obvious that she has a little trouble when it comes to a serious relationship like I thought.

    Normally I'd say you need to actually give her a little bit of space, even though you are growing apart. I think it is because you have been together so much for 8 months that you are seemingly pulling from one another (or her from you). Don't ignore her, just make some time for yourself. In doing this you prove you've got a life going on which makes you more attractive. Also maybe plan a night of romance for the two of you, something you've never done.
     
  16. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I agree. But I think it is 7 months, as that last month is spent in denial. '7' just is that weird number, the complete number. Like the average family moves homes every 7 years. And the average person stays in the same job for 7 years, etc. Even the average length a marraige lasts in the US is 8 years. But again I think it is 7 years, as that last year is spent in denial and whatever trying to fix it until they can't take it anymore.

    But to the TS, she is trying to subtly communicate that the relationship will end in the near future if something doesn't happen to change her mind soon. She may not see herself with you in the future, and she may have lost attraction for you and may be starting to look at other options.

    The first thing you need to do is stop hanging out so much and letting your life revolve around her. Give each other some space to do your wants and hobbies. Go hang out with the boys or do something on your own that you like to do. The tighter you try to hold her in, the faster she will get away.
     
  17. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Oh I forgot to add that the guys that typically lose the girl are the ones that are too afraid of losing her. You can't be afraid to lose her if you want her to stay.
     
  18. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    this is actually very very good advice in general.
     
  19. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    Its over and done...
     
  20. rolandal

    rolandal New Member

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    Time to rebuild myself...
     
  21. Potski

    Potski what?

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  22. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    The details are simply too much to handle.
     
  23. Gibles

    Gibles the funny thing about my back is....

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    so what happened?
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :( Details please, when you can

    She sounds like she has deep emotional issues and has a wall up. Hopefully you'll find someone who isn't afraid of love.
     
  25. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    what the hell? wasn't expecting that end. i believe that people so often can't deal with the maturing of their relationship, that you're not going to get butterflies every time you see each other if you're seeing each other 5 times a week. That you're going to want to have your own time and space, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you dont still like each other, it just means you're moving out of the infatuation stage.
     

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