SRS Regrets (anonymous post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Sep 8, 2008.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    About 1 ½ years ago after i dropped out of college i noticed there was something wrong with me. I couldnt pin point what was wrong but one day when I was on the bus I started to get headaches and almost passed out. I was nodding on and off that someone actually offered me to sit down.

    (The reason i dropped out of college was because i didnt really like what i was taking and partly because i felt like staying home and not going out/doing anything at all which i regret alot because of the money i wasted and time. I have been smoking mj for quite some time. Casually before but over the past year and a half basically everyday. It feels like something that is part of my life and the amount of time that I spent at home it was something i did out of boredom. The thing that happened on the bus the psychiatrist told me i was stressed out and scared inside of my surroundings)

    Fast forward a couple months later I noticed that I was starting to distance myself more and more away from my friends. Even my very close group of friends that I knew from grade school, where we used to chill almost every single day up until 1 ½ years ago when this all started.

    The normal things that we would do i basically had no interest doing anymore and I basically shut off everything completely. I was still working my full time job at least but it was basically all overnights. It was so bad for me that I used that as an excuse of never going out and saying that I would be too tired to do anything since I worked overnights but that was never the case. A couple months later I went to see a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with social anxiety.

    She gave me pills which i took for about 6 months but they really had no effect on me as i was still distancing myself towards everyone more and more basically to the point I would never pick up phone calls or even shut off my phone for quite awhile. I admited that smoking marijuana helps the time past by when im alone but all the psychiatrist said was to keep taking the pills. I eventually stopped seeing her and went another route which was the chinese herbal medicine route.

    I did this for another 6-9 months seeing him once a week. The sessions were going really well and I started to notice myself becoming more active and thinking of how much I miss just hanging out with my friends. But i think the damage has been done. The way i totally shut them out and just said no to everything. They were my really close friends too im not sure how to deal with this. I start college in January again and it is a goal of mine to finish no matter what but right now i have no job and while everyone is in school I just do nothing but get high all day.

    before i had alot of confidence in everything i do. going out partying alot with friends. now i dont feel that way no more and im thinking if its something wrong with me i feel like i dont want to interact with anyone . inside i want to go out and be with my friends but its like i dont have the courage and confidence to go out and see people.

    The thing is i really regret everything i have done to ignore and shut out my best friends from my life for that year and a half. I still talk to some of them online and when they ask what happened its very hard for me to explain what really happened and how I felt. But i regret what i did so much but i just couldnt help it. So im not quite sure what to do next.
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Aug 30, 2003
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    Twin Cities, MN
    Do you have Avoidant Personality Disorder?

    People with APD tend to push people away when they are depressed.

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