SRS recurring dreams concerning my failed marriage

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by RedZ71, Jul 28, 2008.

  1. RedZ71

    RedZ71 Large Marge sent me.

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    last night was a perfect example of a dream that ive have over and over lately. im talking with my wife (i say wife, because in the dream it implies that were not divorced yet) trying to reason with her why we should try to work on our marriage instead of just dropping it into the shitter. the dreams are nothing but a replay of what actually happened, and just like reality, nothing positive came from my loyalty to her. each dream is quite uncomfortable, and im basically reliving the impending doom.

    the dream frequency has been really bad in the past week, probably because ive not had time to spend with any of my friends. getting together with or visiting my friends has really gone the distance of keeping my thoughts clear of my ex, but the past week i was packing to move and didnt have time to get out any. i moved over the weekend, but i still have a few more days of collecting the misc stuff that didnt fit into boxes and cleaning out my 2 garages, so its going to be many more days until all this is done.

    on top of all this, the apartment that i just moved out of (and previously shared with my exwife) is so much better than the place im in now. the walls are thin, and the A/C doesnt cool worth a shit since there giant floor-to-cleiling windows (i need curtains in a bad way). i *want* to regret moving out now, but i guess that this is all for the best... new beginnings and all. last night was my 2nd night in the apt, but the first night i slept in the bedroom. it took for ever for it to cool down to 80 degrees (still not where i like it), and the room is lit too brightly from lights somewhere outside. yep... curtains. anyway, i barely slept a wink last night... and when i did, see paragraph 1.

    ive dated some here and there, and ive talked to lots of new women on the phone lately. even with as delightful as it is to be talking to new females, i see that my previous heartbreak is still affecting me quite a bit. i have gotten to the point tho, where i can make it thru a complete conversation without letting any topic touch on my marriage or my ex, so thats a good thing i guess. im slated to go out with one girl as soon as i can make time, but with moving still in progress, i dont see it as soon as i would prefer.

    sometimes if i take a shot before bed, i tend to sleep without dreaming much (or at least i dont remember them, i read someone that you dont get all the way down into REM sleep?). ive not had any alcohol in days, and yes, i prefer not to drink alone. but going back to a shot before bed is looking pretty good right now.

    on a positive side, ive not had any contact with my ex, and the opposite of the last time i posted, ive not had any urge to try to make contact.

    anyway, i just needed to get that off my chest. :)



    cliffs: the dreams suck.
     
  2. Sr20magik

    Sr20magik OT Supporter

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  3. shaysomething

    shaysomething Hmmmmmmm.

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    I've taken a psychology course; one of the topics was about dreams. It's generally accepted that dreams are what your brain is processing of the day's events/what's happened recently. If you're going to sleep thinking about this divorce, you'll most likely dream about it, because your brain is processing the information it's recieved throughout the day.

    The longer you think about it, the more likely it'll show up in your dreams.
    When one of my pets passed away, I had dreams about him for about a week straight. Eventually they stopped completely.

    The alcohol will most likely keep you from dreaming. But the fact is you dream three to four times per night, and usually only remember the last one. You could be forgetting the last dream, or just not falling into a deep enough sleep. I'd imagine the conditions of your apartment as well were keeping you from having a deep sleep.

    But good luck with your situation nonetheless.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The mind tends to be like a washing machine that tries to clean the dirty laundry that life has puts in it on a daily basis. The problem is that some stains in life (the clothes)are so dirty they won't ever come out. The trick is to throw those dirty clothes away instead of trying to wash them over and over again in your mind. Therefore in your next dream your not going to convince your wife to work on your marriage, you are going to tell her to pack her bags and leave just like you did in real life. Do that over and over again if you have to , at one point your mind will get the picture that these thoughts belong in the garbage can.

    Also get these.

    [​IMG]

    Second, id like you to talk to an expert interiour decorator who can help you redecorate the new place you are in, on the short term however i'd adivce you to buy a fan and a some samsonite eye shades and earplugs.

    Sleep tight.
     
  5. RedZ71

    RedZ71 Large Marge sent me.

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    sleeping has been a lot better this week. the AC has improved a little bit, and the AC man said that if its still not right after the adjustments he made, that the unit will need to be replaced. 2 days later, and i can already tell you ill be at the office first thing monday morning, as it ran all day yesterday without stopping, and the temp was still rising in the afternoon against the ACs efforts.

    anyway, since my divorce, i have noticed myself constantly replaying the "we are making a giant mistake and we need to step back and talk about this" conversation in my head. in my head, i dont change her words, but i constantly repeat over and over the things that i said and that i believed in, but ultimately didnt matter to her. BUT... as of late, ive caught myself replaying a different tune of "well im sorry you decided to go, but whats done is done", (which that conversation actually never really happened) kind of as if my subconscious is now beginning to be more open to accepting it, and that im trying to move on. so i feel like thats a positive improvement.

    and speaking on interior decorators, my sister is coming into town next weekend. shes a pretty snappy decorator, so were going to go out and pick up some stuff to spruce the place up (LOL, my ex took all the pictures and frames and vases and stuff in our split, which they were mostly hers when we got married anyway). one thing that crosses my mind, is i have no idea how or what i would pick to decorate my apt with, but oh well, i guess that will be up to my sister to help me decide. that will probably keep me from buying the same kind of crap we had before.

    anyway, it feels like there has been some positive improvement this week. no bedtime drinky drinks for the past few days, and ive not seen that recurring dream since i noticed myself replaying the alter-ego of the impending doom conversation.
     
  6. RedZ71

    RedZ71 Large Marge sent me.

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    i didnt feel like making a new thread, but ive had two dreams in the past few days that were fairly emotionally traumatic.

    the first one:

    i saw my exwifes 4 year old son, but in the dream, he looked a bit younger. when he saw me, he instantly started pointing at me "its papi!! ITS PAPI!!!" and ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. he was so happy to see me, but then his face turned to that one that a child makes when he realizes that something has gone horribly wrong. before i could ask whats wrong, he crying just said "you dont want to be my papi anymore." it was as statement, not a question.... as if thats what my ex told him.

    that was a very painful and uncomfortable dream to drag myself awake from. the next night, i dreamt, that my ex and i were talking, and that she had something to admit to me, and that she had been holding it in for some time. she said that she had been cheating on me, and that she might be pregnant. it was like i had been hit by a freight train, and all i could respond with was "omg you have no idea how bad you are hurting me right now".


    now, neither of the above stories, are actual fact, but if you play around in all the grey areas of everything that happened between us and after, i can see my imagination dreaming this stuff up.
     

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