SRS recovery with and without meetings

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by second skin rep, Jan 31, 2004.

  1. The Short story
    28 years old
    male
    married
    5+ years recovery
    Dual Diagnossis; multiple additions, depression, severe ADD, social anxiety

    The last meeting I went to was about 2 years ago
    the first 2 years of my recover I went to about 15-20 per week. I lived in a small 12 step town where everyone was either loaded, or in a meeting.

    I have been fine without meetings but recently have been a bit stressed. even though I dont go to them, I still practice the principles but lately have notice that I have compromised my standards. exaggeration, white lies etc..

    any thoughts on recovery without meetings?

    ANT
     
  2. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    i haven't been around long enough to comment on whether it could work or not, but from what i've heard, it only works so long because your disease likes to isolate you..

    :dunno: though, i'd say travel out of your area and find new meetings, get out of your homegroup. mine really sucks, i have to travel 20-30 min each night for a decent meeting, but it was worth it as soon as i started doing so.
     
  3. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    When I got into recovery, my higher power put me in a place with a lot of good program. Then we moved to a place where there were hardly any meetings and what was there, wasn't particularly good.

    I went for a while without, but I got myself into a situation at work to which I was NOT happy with my reaction. So I opted to go into therapy, which I've been very happy with. If you can afford it, try it for a while and you might be surprised.
     
  4. Zardoz

    Zardoz Guest


    Ouch! that stings guess I better go to some meetings.
     
  5. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    I haven't been to many meetings lately at all...and i find it rather difficult and my mood is a lot worse than it could be due to it...

    but since i'm still new to the area and will possibly be moving again shortly to a different part of this area, i guess its kinda good i didn't, but kind of bad as well, since i haven't seen how any of the meetings here in tx work yet :(

    its not easy
    doable
    but not easy
     
  6. I spen the last 10 year of my life in therapy and it worked wonders.
    over 18 months of residential and out patient Treatment.
    I still stay conencted to other addicts which is helpfull.


    That is one reason i dont go to meetings. Opinionated crusaiders working other peoples programs. I asked for your thoughts, not your shame.

    Saying that it is only a matter of time before I drink again is denying the fact that there is more than 1 way to stay clean and/or sober. Please remind me of the step that says "follow me or burn in hell?"

    Steeling what 12 step programs have to give? you really have some issues you need to address... Sounds like you yourself could use a meeting.
     
  7. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    You can stay clean and sober without going to meetings.

    As for being a dry drunk, well... I have another opinion about that. I believe that alcoholism is a hereditary disease. If you don't cope with being the child of an alcoholic, you fall into the same hole that the parent did. So you might stay sober, but the behaviors that led to the drinking aren't addressed. You might say it's being a dry drunk, but I believe it's being an Adult Child.

    That may be splitting hairs. For me, it's an important one because the 'dry drunk' implies an addictive personality. An Adult Child is one who needs to learn and use different ways of living that have nothing to do with addiction or complusion.
     
  8. DRY DRUNK is a term that alcohalics use to shame and discredit anyone that stay sober without meetings.
    shame really...just projected shame
     
  9. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    really? sources? proof? or is this just speculation from a dry drunk
     
  10. Phish Esq.

    Phish Esq. New Member

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    I got 2 1/2 years sober. For the first year, AA was vital. Once I learned new skills and became confident living sober I have distanced myself from the program abit.

    If you need ,you need it. I seen recovery in various forms and they don't all include AA. If I feel the need for a meeting. I will definetly go. I just haven't had that need in awhile.
     
  11. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    do you help newcomers? if so you're giving away what you got freely. Furthermore... you really honestly can only keep what you have by giving it away, so meetings are less important if you have a few sponsees and you've worked the steps, and you have been given a life to live now

    don't take without giving away though... otherwise nothing's changed.
     




  12. my point exactly.



    The proof you ask for is in your own personal attack against my statement.

    Calling me a dry drunk with no knowledge of my emotional status or my metal issues other than the information I provided in my original topic is doing nothing but exposing your own weaknesses.
    You are also making a judgment call you are unqualified to make.



    What you are attempting to do is project your own personal shame on to me. shame that was probably given to you from someone else. This pattern is completely cyclical and prevalent in new comers that never had extensive treatment as well as newcomer that have had Tx but not as much.
    (not primary Tx but, extended care Tx)


    You chose to perpetuate the cycle with criticisms directed at me being a dry drunk. something that a previous person on this thread said. I encourage you to practice free thought, and foryour own whitty coments instead or following the leader.



    QUESTION:

    What purpose does projecting your shame on to me (by calling me a dry drunk) serve other than to insult, harm, humiliate me, and make yourself seem bigger, better, and more experienced than myself?

    ANSWER:

    None. You are just repeating some nonsense that was thrown on you be it directly or indirectly by another person in your life that you at one time looked up to or gave power to. Power that was yours to keep, yet you traded it for their shame and ignorance because you looked up to them.

    father, mother, brother, friend, high school jock, sponsor, television actor, mentor or someone in a position of authority that you allowed your self to believe in mesh with subconscious or otherwise.
    The attempt of making yourself seem bigger, and my self seem smaller is futile. Insulting others only points out your own weekness. Now I know that your weekness lie somewhere in the rehlm of expression of oriniality and perhaps you consider your self a dry drunk at times when you miss a meeting or chose not to go. SHAME SHAME SHAME!!

    I have worked with thousands of recovering drug addicts, alcoholic, sex addicts gamblers and any variation there of in the treatment centers I have been employed by and have seen this thousands of time. I myself have done this same exact thing and have learned to move through it. All it comes down to is a defense mechanism. Defending against something you fear will force you to change or at a minimum re-think your current position about the topic. this topic being recovery, thus you insult my character by calling me a dry drunk in hope that’s this shame will keep me at bay, thus keeping you safe from change, or even free thought.


    Please understand that I take no offence in your statement and mean no offence in mine. I expect it and welcome it. Most 12 steppers with little understanding of human emotions and psychology will always be at a disadvantage when compared to those with the luxury of treatment. How each uses this luxury or lack thereof will determine the success of the individual, not whether or not the luxury is present.

    Those with out extensive treatment and therapy you will never fully realize their benefits, and will take much more time to fully understand how they as addicts function, how others function and how to bypass all the nonsense that is projected on you in the meantime.

    That’s not to say that attending meetings and following the direction of your sponsor won’t help keep you clean. it certainly can and will, but you will be missing out on a large part of what extended treatment programs have to offer. immediate insight your own personal addiction and ways to recognize triggers, symptoms and behavioral patters that help lead to relapse and ways to recognize and cope with these triggers.



    If you want proof from a reliable source I say look at your previous reply.

    your comments are a prime example of an addict projecting his shame and fear on to others.
    I encourage you to stop this nasty cycle. If this is the stuff that you have to give to the newcomer then you may want to not sponsor anyone for a while.

    ANT
     
  13. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    no offense either, but :nono:
    you cannot be referring to me as hypocritical for labelling you whilst you label me as projecting shame. Since you're just labelling without any knowledge, your label has no more validity than mine calling you a "dry drunk." So your entire post is pretty irrelevant.


    I'm happy joyous and free. I've got the 12 steps. You may think you come from more difficult circumstances than me, but that's you taking my inventory. If you're an addict, then you may not need meetings (as stated above in my post to another gentleman), however - you need to be helping others by giving them what you got freely. If you're doing something for your recovery, or as long as you're doing what you need to do for yourself, then you're fine and not a dry drunk. I was making the comment really only in jest, but the truth is - if you're just feeling miserable, don't go to meetings, have thoughts of using, don't talk to anyone about it, then yes - you are a dry drunk and have a huge hole in your 5+ years of "white knuckling it"

    "We meet regularly so the newcomers can find us." <--- point of meetings.


    I think you made it clear that you involve yourself to the level you need. That's fine, you know what you need more than i do. Anomaly's original post was right on.
     
  14. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    Furthermore, i'm not the type of happy-feel-good person who's here to butter up your problems and make you feel ok about where you're at. If you're reaching out and saying 'something's wrong' and you tell me, its my opinion, and my opinion only... that you probably need help. If you were so confident that recovery without meetings was OK, why did you make a thread about it?

    I advise you to get honest with yourself, and pray. This is your thread, not mine.
     
  15. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    interesting last few posts...

    I like it :big grin:
     
  16. I see that...


    There are many people that had it worse than I have. considering I got clean at age 23 I figure my self quite lucky. I had it quite easy actually.

    Still work with outher addicts and volumteer at the treatment center I used to work at (from time to time).
    I never said I dont practice the steps, I just dont go to meeting to do it.

    Thank you

    After re-reading your post I kinda figured you may have been sarcastic. I jumped a bit to fast with my reply.

    [/QUOTE]but the truth is - if you're just feeling miserable, don't go to meetings, have thoughts of using, don't talk to anyone about it, then yes - you are a dry drunk and have a huge hole in your 5+ years of "white knuckling it"[/QUOTE]
    I compltely agree with that statement.

    [/QUOTE]"We meet regularly so the newcomers can find us." <--- point of meetings. [/QUOTE]
    Something for me to think about!
    Thanks!!


    ANT
     
  17. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    can't hurt to go to a meeting...
     
  18. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    I always thought a dry drunk was someone who didn't drink but still engaged in the same self-destructive behaviors or one who substituted a different addiction for the booze.

    Um, :nono: yourself. I beg to differ, concerning the inevitability of drinking without attending meetings. I have someone very near and dear to me who has been sober for 31 years. He hadn't attended meetings regularly for a good 20 of those because of his work schedule. He attended and spoke at the beginning when he could, and then he opted to work a double shift to make amends to his family.

    So not attending meetings does not necessarily mean that the person in question will pick up a drink again.
     
  19. funny, change you age to 23, and thats my story, too. 5 years March 25th, havent gotten to a meeting in about 2 years. I find now it is easy to stay clean by simply not using-hasnt been an issue. But now that you bring it up, i realize that although i havent used, my recovery has been at a damn near standstill for years. A major difference you know, the old "dry drunk" syndrome. But, for me, its just like it was when i was using-i never even thought about it untill it was "bad enough". And you never really know when its "bad enough" till usually its too late. Who knows. I retain personal contacts to this day with people in the fellowship, but i maintain these relationships outside of the fellowship, i guess you could say its my safety net.

    I think that not using for a period of many years lures us into thinking that things are sailing just as good as they could ever be. Since we are simply not using. I dont think thats honestly true. I try to be honest with myself, and right now, things arent bad enough for me to want to go back to a meeting, either i dont want to deal with my character defects, becuase despite thier being defects they do in one way or another define who i am, or its something else. Like many, i lost interest in one group after i had formed a disasterous long term relationship with another member, i think i will need to find another 12 step group. Who knows, eh?
     
  20. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    :ugh: i'd rather not risk it...

    and like we discussed, working in other fields of recovery can keep you oriented on the straight and narrow.

    however... i think its quite clear in the basic text of NA that many people who become complacent will end up relapsing. As a member, like i said, why risk it?
     
  21. because we are addicts, it is our nature :)
     
  22. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    :werd:
     
  23. the key word is "many", not all.
    The risk is dependant upon the addict.
    I dont consider a lack of meetings risky. Someone else may though, and it is up to that person to take care of themselves how they see fit.
    I chose not to use drugs. If I were ever to relapse it would be because I chose to.

    It is a choice

    True, I am powerless over my addiction when using, but when clean I am I am in complete control of my choise and actions.
    I dont do risky things or hang out with risky people. I do what I need to to keep my slate clean and not use drugs
    that works for me. not for everyone though.
     
  24. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    while the key word is "many" ... it always happens sooner or later, in some form :sad2:

    The Lack of meetings for me is fairly risky, unfortunately both jobs I've got now deal a lot with alcohol... I really have no control over it, because i need the $$ for a car and apartment and other things ... the one job is waitering/drink pouring, and the other is basically booker/cashier at a retail store...

    while I don't have any cravings while pouring wine for others and whatnot at the one job (since its only a few hours a week), the second job is a full time job, and there are no open containers whatsoever... just hundreds of bottles of wine, beer, and other random alcoholic beverages and while i've never been fond of wine, all the different wines makes me really curious and sometimes its really taxing on me.

    I choose not to use, yes, and I can control that.
    But sometimes, I really just need a good week worth of meetings and i haven't had that since i moved to texas ...

    so yeah some of it may be a risk, but thats also something i have to do to make my life work out in the end, and hopefully i'll be ok with that.
     
  25. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    nooners are out because thats when I wake up (normally they start at 11 and go to 12, or 12-1) ... I'm at work for the most of the rest of them, and the only late night ones are down town that i saw :sad2:
     

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