SRS Recovery & finding that special someone?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ForgottenSpiral, Aug 21, 2007.

  1. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I know I can't be the only person in recovery with this problem. I want to find that special someone and I want someone who doesn't use, but I don't want to treat the program like a dating service. So what do I do? Does anyone have experience trying to find a clean and sober partner?
     
  2. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    I don't know how long you've been sober but the general rule is to wait a year before entering into anything major.

    Also, you will sell yourself short if you pursue your own will. Your higher power knows what you need. Pray for it.
     
  3. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Thanks. I've been clean for over 6 years now. I actually met my most recent girlfriend in the program and we were together for not quite a year. Believe me I do pray about it, but I guess I'm still not the best at always giving my will and my life over. I guess I'm just not one that subscribes to the idea that my will is without its own value.
     
  4. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    Your will is with value. It takes patience, and you may not be able to find a partner that doesn't drink at all, remember, not all are alcoholics-just because we are, doesn't mean they are.

    part of living life on life's terms is being out there with the rest of "them". its not going to make you relapse, you control that, you make that decision.

    my fiance was a social drinker, now she rarely drinks at all. it was hard for me at first (even with 8 years), but again, she is normal.

    illicit drugs cannot be a part of my relationship, and that is not an issue with her. alcohol is, at this point, a nuisance.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    hehe dating someone in recovery is so common it's called 13th stepping....but it's also very common for people to meet at work. Some people are opposed to this and say, "Don't shit where you eat" but there are plenty of people that have met at work and later got married.

    I've dated women both in and out of the program and there are pluses and minuses for each. One thing I love about women in AA is they are often more patient and loving and they have a program to help them deal with life, just like I do. This adds a lot and we can share things about our experiences with recovery. One bad thing is that sometimes they come with A LOT of extra baggage.

    Anyway, I too struggle with the idea of not treating AA like a dating service but as I've aged, I see it more as just a normal part of life and recovery. I know guys that have dated newcomers and the newcomers relapsed. I also know couples that are still together and I honestly can't say why one couple succeeds while the other fails. It's kind of like non-dating people in AA, some make it some don't and often my ideas about who will and won't make it are just not accurate.

    Me personally, I'm actively looking for someone in AA simply because I meet so many people here and AA is such a big part of my life.

    I used to stay away from newcomers but I've seen plenty of people just ignore the 1 year rule so I dunno. Personally I have a hard time dating someone without a year of sobriety....feels kinda wrong to me because AA is about serious work. I dunno....I keep praying about it so we'll see.

    Anyways, good luck in your search.
     
  6. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    It's wrong.
     

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