Recent Breakup

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ShilenaBug, May 30, 2008.

  1. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    My boyfriend and I of 4.5 years just broke up and its really bothering me.

    It went from a small argument, to him wanting space, to breaking up. Even when I gave him space.

    It's been two days and he's going out with friends and I'm assuming drinking/partying... isn't that soon?

    Shouldn't there be a grieving period or something, even for guys?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Never expect people to grieve. I'm sorry your relationship is over so fast and I hate to say it, but there's no way he just wake up one day and decided he was over the relationship. He's most likely got a reason deep down that he isn't bringing up because it's much easier to just end things without delving deep and he thinks he won't hurt you as much by keeping it a secret.

    How do you know he is out with friends drinking BTW? Asking people and checking up on him and what he is doing will slowly kill you.

    You need to accept this breakup and move on as gracefully as possible. At this point calling him and asking him why will only make him less attracted to you. It's a sad fact but even after all the years you were together he probably will only be turned off if you try to keep contacting him.

    The best thing you can do is get out on your own. Surround yourself with any family and friends you have, keep busy with activities. Put away pictures of him or things that remind you of him for the time being and make sure not to contact him in any way (or check on him on his facebook/myspace/whatever). Here are some threads that are similar to your problem:
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3422135
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3449501
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1800010
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3169400
     
  3. fray

    fray New Member

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    This is probably his way of grieving and he is trying to do other things to get it out of his mind. I wouldn't expect him to sit at home and mope about it with a bin of hagen-daas, especially since he was the one that initiated the break-up. Although I do agree with the others - he's probably been over it for a bit. I don't think the argument was the only thing that spawned the break-up. I bet it's been coming for a while.
     
  4. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    We live together, at least for another two weeks...

    its hard kind to just ignore stuff.
     
  5. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    like i said... we live together along with a mutual friend.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ahhh, ok, I was wondering how you knew.

    That's so much harder, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what to say. If it were me I would be sleeping somewhere else to just get away and not have to see him. It's too tempting to just constantly want to talk and stress over what he's doing.

    Though one thing is for sure, you should be going out and trying to have as much fun as you can so that you're not just at home moping when he gets back from drinking and such.
     
  7. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    he also made the decision to move to Portland, OR the same day as the breakup.

    he just keeps saying that we're incompatible, and that we have been for the duration of the relationship...

    but if thats so, then why for 4.5 years?

    It makes it really difficult to hang out with friends because we have mutual friends, and if he goes out with them, then that usually leaves me out. I'm just bothered because like before the initial argument we had, we were lauging, really good friends, and we argued maybe 5 times over the duration of a year.

    it was a really fun, easy going relationship.


    (edit: keep in mind Portland is 1.5 hours from where we live, and the roles were reversed for 2 years of our relationship. I was in portland and he was in corvallis)
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :( He unfortunately has probably been feeling this way for a long time and dragged out the relationship like an idiot because it's easier than breaking someone's heart. Many people do it and it's never easy. It's obviously harder when you all have the same friends, that's why I firmly believe it's always good to have a life outside of your SO filled with other friends that you can turn to.

    How long you been living together? And ages?

    So you are parting ways in 2 weeks? It's for the best. Not having to see him will give you a fresh start.
     
  9. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    uh no?
     
  10. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    yeah, whats worse is... we've been together so long that everything i own reminds me of him. down to furniture I own.

    so its pretty bad. i'm pretty down about it all.

    we lived together two years ago, it didnt work out,

    and we started this (academic) year and its been pretty good. its just pretty hurtful knowing that he drug it out that long, especially through the good times. almost obligatory you know???
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I totally understand. The amazing part is as the dumpee you think "WTF didn't he/she break up with me sooner!?" and if you read this forum often you'll notice unfortunately how often people come in here and say how they've been dragging their relationship out for weeks and months because they're just so afraid to finally end it :(

    It's such a different level of difficulty when you shared a place and everything in it. I know someone right now who just ended a LTR with a girl he lived with and he's just now realizing he might be better off starting fresh by moving out of their apartment.

    And out of curiosity, how old are you guys?
     
  12. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    we're young, i'm 21, he's 23
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, I only wondered because it always makes a little bit more sense considering you dated through some of the most important years. Important in the sense that we change a LOT during 18-25.

    But also good because 21 is super young in the grand scheme of life :hs:
     
  14. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Did you want to eventually marry this one?
     
  15. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    Yeah I suppose.

    I just feel really sad, that this great guy, who I really love and who makes me laugh, and always makes me happy is going away.

    I feel like someone died. If that makes any sense? I feel like a part of me has also died since we've experienced things together for so long and now its going to be... nothing.

    The things I'll miss the most are the things that are unique to him. Although everyone says, "oh youre young, dont worry about it you'll find someone new, who is 100x better for you" they will never be him.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2008
  16. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    no, hes not shallow. which is great.

    even when I fluctuate weight within about ~5 lbs. He's really accepting and happy with however I am.
     
  17. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    yeah I guess so.

    But not for a long time, like another 4-5 years. but that would be silly I suppose.

    The best thing I can hope for is that we will go our separate ways, grow as individuals, know what works best for ourselves. As much as I want to say he works best for me, I know he may not be the same person. Maybe one day we'll be different people, meet in a grocery store 5 years from now, yet be able to work for each other.

    He's just such a good guy:wtc:
     
  18. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    That has nothing to do with being shallow.

    If I put the effort in to take care of myself then I expect my gf to put effort in to take care of herself as well. I don't expect her to hit the gym every day or even at all, but if she eats like shit and starts packin on some serious weight then I will tell her straight up that she needs to do something about it and that I will even help her if she wants, or I'm out of the picture.
     
  19. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    All the feelings of loneliness, feeling like someone died, part of you is missing, you're going to wander through life feeling dead, etc... are all part of breaking up with someone you love... but I have AWESOME FUCKING NEWS!!!!!

    IT GOES AWAY! It might be several weeks before you start feeling better, but once it starts it will progressively get better and better.

    Trust me, recently got out of a 6 year relationship... It's been months and I still have bad days... just take it in stride.

    As for him partying... Everyone deals with it differently. Some party like crazy, others sulk in their bedroom, others drown themselves in hobbies, etc... I spent a couple days stuck in my room, then started hanging with friends a lot, and then picked up new hobbies. Don't worry about what he is doing though. Despite how hard it is not to care about the person, you need to realize that you're not a part of their life anymore and you need to focus 100% on bettering yourself.

    Keep yourself busy, and try to not be home when he's around until you guys can move out from under the same roof.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    he is enjoying his freedom, obviously
     
  21. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    thanks, I know... it will get better.

    It's been so long with him, that it almost seems impossible without him. I'm just trying to be happy for him, so he can "find himself" back in Portland. I'll be stuck in Corvallis for another year finishing up school, and even though there are thousands of single, attractive, smart, young men on campus. I'm just not looking, I feel like I already had what I wanted...

    It's going to be a long, rough summer...:wtc:
     
  22. ShilenaBug

    ShilenaBug New Member

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    um, wtf? thanks for your support and words of wisdom. :ugh2:
     
  23. d3cromanc3r

    d3cromanc3r 79 Слизняков

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    even though all of us will all say what you already know/hear sometimes it still helps.

    when i split with my last gf, who i thought i was going to marry for sure, it was tough while i sat around and thought about it. then i started concentrating on myself. this was in early march. i'm so amazingly happy with my life right now i look back on it, and i don't know what i was so upset about.

    i started skating everyday, working out everyday, dj'ing everyday, and bowling everyday. Yeah you'll still think about him from time to time while you're doing these things, eventually you'll just stop thinking about him.

    start hanging out GOOD friends, always stay as busy as possible, and it will get easier day by day. unfortunately, that's the only decent advice i can give you.
     
  24. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Been there, done that, 2 years and it ended in the course of a week. In the end I saw that I was better off. I learned from it. I learned what I am most attracted to. It took me 3 months of greiving and (sorry to say it) rebound girls to get back on my feet. You'll think about them about 'em every day for a while then eventually pick yourself up and realize you are wasting time and energy still thinking about it. Once you do that the rest of the greiving process becomes easy. In time you that person will be mentioned and you will realize that you've gone a week without hitting a single roadblock that involved your former SO and then, it is a good feeling.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Sometimes the truth hurts.
     

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