Reasonable Breakup?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Slid., Mar 22, 2010.

  1. Slid.

    Slid. I'm a guy.

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    Last week I broke up with my girlfriend of ~7 months and I feel like shit. I'm bored at work all day so I get a lot of thinking time in. Throughout my thinking I determined that there was 'no future' for her and I. I felt like I didn't want to marry her and I wouldn't even want to move in with her.

    The problem: she has always been an amazing girlfriend to me. I've treated her great as well. We never fought and there weren't any huge annoyances on either camp (afaik). So it was hard enough for me to bring myself to the break-up, I mean, every time we hung out we both had a great time -- whether we'd go for a walk, go snowboarding or just stay in the house all day, I enjoyed it.

    Now it's a week since we've spoken and I'm getting edgy. Like calling her would make me feel 1000% better. But I know it'd set us back to ground zero.

    We're both 29. I feel like if we were 18 I'd just call her up, or not break-up to begin with and just enjoy it. But I feel like time is ticking away here and I don't want to waste either of our time.

    I was talking to a buddy about it today and he seemed a little baffled about my 'future' seeing and said that if we enjoyed each others company then what's the problem. He didn't seem phased by our ages.

    ##
    Although I feel like we'd be here without; she has a daughter who drives me nuts. I don't feel like I could put up with supporting her [daughter] if we moved in together [food, rent, etc.] I like kids, I want kids, but not this one. I'm comfortable with dating girls with kids, but I guess this may be a lesson to duck out at the first sign of nut-kids.

    I guess what I'm looking for from you is: if I feel like I genuinely want to spend time with a girl and that I truly do care about her yet I feel a knock in my head saying 'this won't last' should I go out with her or move on? I don't want to lead her on. If I didn't have to worry about the future I'd stay with her. Should I stfu and live more for the present?

    It's starting to dig at me as this is my third girlfriend. My first was for three years, second was for six years and the most recent. I came to the same 'conclusion' with my previous girlfriend of six years -- we were looking at houses and I got into a mindset of 'i don't want to marry you' and we broke up. We had an otherwise great relationship too. I just hope I'm not turning into a self-relationship-saboteur.

    I spent the weekend at a buddies place and we hung out with a bunch of friends all weekend, so I'm doing the right things to keep my mind off her, it's just that it's 2:30am and I'm alone going to bed for work and my mind is now reeling.

    Breaking up sucks.
     
  2. Slid.

    Slid. I'm a guy.

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    The more I think of it the more I think the daughter is the cause and I guess there's nothing that can be done about that. That's just what makes it so hard for me, I'm breaking up with someone that I really like.
     
  3. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    Go with your instinct. If you think it won't last, then it definitely won't last. What you're feeling right now is just a jumbled mess of emotions. You can't get out of a relationship like yours completely unscathed. If it continues to bother you, go see a counselor. But for now, you did the right thing getting out of something in which you see no future.
     
  4. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Dude you did the right thing. You regret it now cause it's early and know you're just a phone call away from making things the way they were. But her having a kid and you not liking her is a huge deal.

    /thread. Real talk.
     
  5. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    If the daughter is a deal breaker for you then you definitely did the right thing. And at 29 you should know that the feelings you are having right now are typical post-break-up feelings. Just give yourself some time and you'll be fine.
     
  6. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    It wasnt working for you, simple as that.

    You're old enough and mature enough to end something before more feelings and emotions were involved, good job.

    Move on
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  8. Specialist23

    Specialist23 OT Supporter

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    just wondering but how old is the kid? perhaps could you build a relationship with her and make things better?
     
  9. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    :bowdown:
     
  10. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I guess some guys do also go through this jumbled mess of emotions that usually happen to women...
     
  11. Slid.

    Slid. I'm a guy.

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    She's 9 -- while I'd like to I'm trying to be as logical as I can here; there are plenty of other girls out there without kids OR that have kids that I'd like to be around. We didn't even have a bad relationship, it was just that she acted like the opposite of what I'd expect my own children to act like -- which was pretty heavy for me.
     
  12. Slid.

    Slid. I'm a guy.

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    I know, I'm a lady :hs:

    I'll make it through it and I won't call -- thanks for the advice all.
     
  13. reminisce

    reminisce OT Supporter

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    that explains alot :hs:

    you did the right thing, don't look back.
     
  14. Slid.

    Slid. I'm a guy.

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    I'm not really a lady :o
     
  15. Ago816

    Ago816 New Member

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    Always trust your gut.
     
  16. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    i agree, with everyone... but do you have any idea what it is you need un order to actually feel like you do want to spend your life with someone?

    You can't completely ignore the posibility that you have unrealistic expectations or your own mental issues. Not saying to get back with this one, but just be open to the posibility that you are the reason and do a little self reflection.
     

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