SRS Reaping what I've sown.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by unforgiven, Jul 23, 2007.

  1. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    My wife and I got married in Aug of 2002. We both had talked about one day having kids, but she wanted them more than I did. I wanted to have kids someday, but just wasn't ready for it yet.

    By 2004, the topic was coming up constantly, and we got to the point where we were arguing about it. Eventually, I caved in in an effort to make her happy and by early 2005, she was pregnant with our little boy.

    From the time I found out she was pregnant, through the pregnancy and even after birth, I became detached from her. I couldn't look at her. I began to resent her becuase I felt she had pushed me into this life changing event that I wasn't ready for. I felt like I had no control of my life and was forced into more responsibility. I resented both her and my son and throughout the pregnancy and first year of his life, I didn't give her the emotional and physical support she needed from me. I wouldn't help out becuase I figured that she should have to deal with it because it's what she wanted.

    But now, my little boy will be turning 2 soon and ever since he's started developing and growing, that resentment toward her and him both has diminished. I feel horrible for things I had done and said. I can't go back in time and erase them. I love my litte boy more than anything in the world and would kill or die for him. I look forward to seeing his little smile when I come home from work and hear him say "hi da-da". It crushes me to think back on how I was, the things I said and did and didn't do.

    But, ever since, I've felt something different from my wife. I don't feel love from her anymore. Intimacy from her feels like it's forced. I don't feel the loving feelings I once felt from her. A few weeks ago she suggested we go to marriage counseling. We both knew something was up and needed fixing, but I didn't know how bad it was until last thursday when I got confirmation from her that she didn't love me anymore. At least, not like she used to. Her love for me has dwindled down to that of a good friend and not of a husband and wife.

    I was crushed. It's been on my mind ever since. My previous resentment of her and previous actions and inactions have pushed her away from me so much that her feelings for me have nearly died. We've gone to one counseling session and have another one tonight, and we've talked about it just about every day since thursday. I would give anything to be able to go back in time and do things differently. I'm hoping that it's the typical marriage slump and we can fix it. I'm just hoping it's not too late and I can rekindle her love for me. I've been trying my hardest. This past weekend I gave her so much support and attention she didn't know what to do. I got feedback that I was doing the right things and that gives me hope. I feel much better today than I have all weekend, but still don't feel 100%.

    I've had depression, anxiety and anger issues most of my life. I've contemplated going to get help for it, but thought I could handle it and it woudn't affect my relationships. Apparently I was dead wrong. I'm going to go and seek help soon. I don't want to make the same mistakes I have been anymore. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore except for my son. I want my happy family back. I want my wife back. I want to feel loved again and I sure as hell won't take it for granted anymore. I'm doing everything I can think of, but still just don't know what to do.
     
  2. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    We had a long talk last night. I know that I am the root cause of the problem and I've accepted that. Based on what you said, I feel like I'm on the right track. I'm trying to do both: fix myself and fix us. Last night, I did say the same thing I wrote here.

    We are going to counseling, we started 2 weeks ago. The first session was somewhat introductory and hopefully this one will be getting down to the business of repair. I feel that we've made significant progress since then. She's coming out more and telling me her feelings (something she's not used to since her family life didn't encourage it). We've both acknolwedged and accepted our parts in this and I feel it's a great start. It hurts, but no pain no gain right?

    She realizes that she pressured me and we both realize that my own emotional issues along with that pressure laid the foundation for the problems we currently have. Of course, I/we want to fix this now and as quickly as possible, but both know it's going to take time, patience and dedication. We both want to fix this very badly, for ourselves and for our son. I can't imagine a life without either of them and I'm going to do my damndest to make sure I don't have to live that as a reality. Like you said, I'm going to fix myself along with working on us.
     
  3. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I don't have any advise to say but I hope things turn out the way you want it for you 3.

    Let us know when you have more updates, I'd like to read them ;)
     
  4. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    You're on the right track.

    One of the biggest steps is admitting there's a problem between you and dealing with it, rather than sweeping it all under the rug.

    Despite her apparent apathy, she still loves you. I don't think she'd entertain the idea of counselling if she didn't.

    I hope you can work through it all. I hate seeing marriages fall apart.
     
  5. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    You're right, and I agree. It's somewhat hard for me to do since I've always had low self esteem and see myself in a less than positive light. Something else I need to work on I guess.

    I know she still loves me and yes, she was the one who brought up the idea and even made the appointment for counseling. That tells me a lot. She says she does love me, but isn't so much "in love" with me anymore. Something she said that really hit home and I've been thinking of all day is: "I just want you to be the person you're capable of being". I.e. the more-confident non-anxious/depressed/angry person I used to be. She's admitted her faults as have I, and we both realize that the mixture of the two is the cause, but I still see myself as more of the heavy hitter in this one since my actions were the main catalyst, albeit not the only one that brought us to this situation. Well, maybe I should blame my anxiety/depression/anger instead of myself as a person and moreso the person that those problems made me into.

    Based on what I cited that she said above, that tells me "You can do this! There's hope, all's not lost". That's the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I just hope that the light isn't a train.

    Thanks for the kind words and encouragement guys. I know I'm not a regular on here, but this is the only forum I'm registered to that has a section for these types of issues. :sadwavey:
     
  6. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    You're WAY WAY WAY ahead of the curve so to speak. Theres a sense of openness and candor about your posts that i suspect play a key role in how your persona is with your wife. Getting it out there and putting it behind you isn't going to come easy, but damnit you're on the road towards that.
     
  7. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    What you guys need is a nice vacation alone somewhere
     
  8. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    All other issues aside, blame gets you nowhere.

    You accept what happened as it happened. You can sit around playing the blame game (no matter what it's directed at) for years and years on end. The blame game (whether directed internally, or externally) serves to detract from moving forward. Period.
     
  9. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    All good points.

    Yes, I agree the blame game needs to stop. We aren't doing it to each other. More like trying to find the roots of what happened and how to prevent it in the future. Can't change the past and we don't plan to dwell on it but use it as a learning experience.

    We're going to be visiting family this weekend. They're going to babysit for us so that we can go on a couple of "dates".

    I've been getting some great advice both on here and from some of my closest friends. What helps most is getting confirmation that I'm on the right track. Thank you all.
     
  10. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    I agree with all the advice that has been given here. Everything I was thinking has been commented on and even more. You seem to have the right attitude and optimism to change things for the better. Best of luck.
     
  11. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    Well, we went to the marriage counselor last night and he said that it sounded like we were working on things very well and making good progress between then and the last session.

    He then spent most of the time addressing my anger issues, which he said is the male expression of depression and anxiety for a lot of people. Here I had been thinking they were all seperate, but apparently it's all in the same. My wife was able to open up more to the counselor and told him what she had told me last week. Hearing the words all over again hurt just the same as the first time, but I'm glad she was able to get it out. She said that she thinks she's gotten everything out and felt very relieved, and I'm glad for that.

    As far as my anger issues, we delved into my past, my relationship with my parents and their relationship with each other which lead to me having a couple of epiphanies.

    I had also mentioned that this situation added to the depression that I had before is quickly making it difficult for me to cope. I don't want to be on antidepressants, but I think I've avoided counseling/meds for waaaay too long. I asked him if he thought it would be beneficial for me as a jumpstart to coping and then once things stabilize I can begin the process of coming back off of them once I'm deemed emotionally strong enough to cope on my own. He gave me some recommendations to give to my doctor, whom I will be visiting this week. With my high blood pressure and the fact that it's made me turn back to smoking again, I think I'm getting at high risk of a stroke. I'm hoping that the antidepressants and HBP medicine will help calm me down, keep me calm and quit smoking permanently. My wife is currently on Zoloft, which she's been on for 2 years in dealing with me. The counselor joked and said that it sounds to him like the wrong person is taking the meds, to which we both agreed. My wife used to be such a happy person, it seemed like nothing bothered her or could bother her. I was always envious of her because of that. Somehow, that was sucked out of her over the past 2 years.

    I've heard it on here and elsewhere, fix myself and the rest should follow. I'm finally getting up off of my butt and trying to do just that. Right now I just want to stabilize because I feel so self-destructive. Once I've stabilized, then I'm going to work on becoming the happy-go-lucky and confident person I used to be all while trying to be the person I was back way back when I was initially trying to win her heart.
     
  12. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    Well, progress update... yes, you read right PROGRESS.

    We met for lunch today and got to talking while trying to keep my little boy in his seat. She told me that she feels sooooo much better now that she was able to get out the things that had been festering for so long. It seems to me now that it's all out, that it's making her more open. She's said she feels so much more connected to me and can tell me anything because although I was obviously hurt when she told me those things, I handled it well and have listened to her and am proving it by my actions from that point forward.

    Although it still hurt, I feel better too. I always suspected that there was something(s) she wasn't telling me and that made me feel like she didn't trust me or couldn't confide in me. Granted, for some it may not seem like an earth shattering progress, but I came back to work after lunch feeling so much better.
     
  13. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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  14. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    that never works, when vacation is over you are back to your problems, they don't just go away or solves themselves.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Shouldn't his resentment and resulting actions toward her have caused her to become more attracted to him?
     
  16. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    no, because they were already in a relationship.
     
  17. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    I agree with the above statement. I've seen so many situations, mostly in high-schoolers where being "stand off-ish" makes the S.O. more attracted to and clingy them. But, once you're in a serious relationship, especially marriage where the two of you become as one, you have to share and be open to each other's thoughts, feelings, emotions and vulnerabilities. In short, give yourselves to each other completely. Both my wife and I thought we had been doing that only to find that we weren't. For us, it took a long time because we were sharing so much and witholding little. I'm sure it would take a shorter amount of time if it had been the other way around.

    Pride, stubbornness, resentment and lack of communication are MAJOR relationship killers as I'm finding out.

    Well, I'm done with work and heading home.
     
  18. oscarkat

    oscarkat Happiness is a long hard road. OT Supporter

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    All I can suggest (which I think already has been) is to go home and tell her exactly what you told us. Yes, you were definitly an asshole back then, but the honesty and sincerity of your current state of mind seems very redeaming, at least to me.

    Good luck, you can tell that you're sorry, and that you really do just want to make things better for your future!
     
  19. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    I've already told her all of that. A couple of times actually. Everything is now out in the open and nothing kept back.

    Nothing really new to report since lunch yesterday. Tons of stuff going on at home. I did help out with a lot of things I normally avoid though.

    The words "I'm sorry" seem so insignificant and can't fully express the remorse I feel, but there isn't any other way to communicate it other than saying it, and then proving that it was sincere.
     
  20. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Holy shit do I know THAT feeling. Hang in there bro.
     
  21. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    I'm hanging in there. Well, trying to. As far as our relationship goes and things we need to do, it's early but we're making noticeable progress, no matter how small it may seem. As far as me coping with the depression and hurt, it's a rollercoaster for me almost literally by the hour or minute.

    As I said before, I told her not to say or do anything that she doesn't honestly mean. This includes saying "I Love You" or any form of intimacy until she feels she's ready. This was tough for me to do and every morning part of my routine is to give her a kiss (lips or cheek) and say "I Love You" before leaving for work (you're never sure whether you'll make it home when you drive a car or especially ride a motorcycle). But, I don't hear it said back to me. Same with ending phone conversations. Every time I don't hear it it hurts so badly and is a constant reminder to me of the situation. I don't show or tell her that it hurts for 2 reasons, 1. I asked her to do it and I think it's best for her and me so that she doesn't say something she doesn't mean and I don't have to wonder whether she means it. 2. She keeps telling me that she's feeling better and I don't want to drag her down.

    Along with the fear of us failing in our attempt to fix this, which I've been told by 3rd parties is that it's unlikely we will fail, I have the fear that by the time things are back to normal with her again, that my feelings will have diminished from lack of all of the forms of intimacy, and then the scale has fallen to the other side. I guess this is where I need to be strong and focus more on the baby steps instead of the destination.

    I have to say again, even though I'm not a very active member on here, having a receptive environment with unbiased advice and support is helping me so much and is helping me to keep my sanity. I will probably never meet any of you in person to say it, and once again, the words don't accurately communicate the feeling, but thank you all so much.
     
  22. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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  23. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_plan.html

    Restoring Love versus Resolving Conflicts

    Before I discuss with you some of the details of a well-conceived plan to resolve conflicts and restore your love for each other, I will focus attention on the highest priority of such a plan -- restoring love.

    I know of no marriage, including my own, that is free of conflict. That's because every couple is made up of two distinctly different people, with different experiences, interests and emotional predispositions. Regardless of the compatibility a couple creates in marriage, a husband and wife will always have somewhat different perspectives, and those differences will create conflict. Conflicts over money, careers, in-laws, sex, child rearing, and a host of other common marital issues are part of the experience of being married.

    Some couples feel that if they could only rid themselves of certain conflicts, they would be happy together. But I've discovered that marriages can be terrific in spite of conflicts, even when some of them are never fully resolved. The difference between couples who live in marital bliss and those who regret ever having met each other is not found in whether or not they are free of conflict -- it's found in whether or not they are in love with each other.

    From my years of experience trying to save marriages, I have come to the conclusion that the goal of restoring and sustaining love in marriage is much more important than the goal of resolving conflicts. Ultimately, of course, both goals are important, but by making love my highest priority, I found myself rejecting many popular approaches to conflict resolution because they tend to sacrifice a couple's love for each other. The way I now encourage couples to resolve their conflicts is to only use procedures that will also build their love.

    Most marriage counselors are so focused on conflict resolution that they forget about building a couple's love for each other. But it's easy to understand why they tend to ignore the feelings of love -- the couples they see usually want help in resolving their conflicts, not restoring their love. It's the couples themselves that usually fail to see the importance of being in love. And when the loss of love really is the issue, couples rarely believe it can be restored, at least to the level it once was. They think that if their conflicts are resolved, and they are given the freedom to create independent lifestyles, they will be able to survive their marriage. They feel that all marriages eventually lose passion, but when that happens a husband and wife can still remain married if they are "mature" enough.

    If you have seen a marriage counselor, and have been disappointed with the results, it's probably because you've spent all of your time trying to resolve your marital conflicts instead of restoring your love for each other. Even if you made progress in resolving some of your conflicts, you still may have been unhappy with your marriage. I receive letters regularly from those who find that they want to divorce in spite of a peaceful relationship. Even when a husband and wife are each other's best friends, they often divorce when the passion is gone.

    That's one of the most confusing aspects of popular approaches to martial therapy, and it should raise a red flag to those who use them. When the goals of conflict resolution are achieved in counseling, why does the couple often divorce anyway? There seems to be something more to marriage than just resolving conflicts successfully.

    Don't get me wrong, though. I believe that conflict resolution is important in marriage, and I go to a great deal of trouble to help couples resolve their conflicts. But couples who are happily married do more than resolve their conflicts, they also preserve their feeling of love for each other. And without being in love, marriage just doesn't seem right.

    When a couple asks me to help them with their marriage, unresolved conflicts usually abound. And they present their marital problems to me as a litany of failures to resolve those conflicts. But as I probe the depth of their despair, conflicts are not usually the greatest source of their hopelessness. One spouse, and sometimes both of them, tell me that it is their lost feeling of love and passion for the other that bothers them the most. They don't believe that feeling will ever return, and without that feeling, they do not want to be married to their spouse. Their greatest feeling of hopelessness is about their lost love, not their inability to resolve conflicts.

    That's why I learned early in my experience as a marriage counselor that restoring the feeling of love was far more important than resolving marital conflicts. In order to be completely happy with their marriage, the couple must find the love for each other that they lost. Since the approaches to conflict resolution I was taught actually caused a loss of love, I had to reject most of the training I had received as a marriage counselor, and create an entirely new system, one that would resolve conflicts and restore love at the same time.

    The core concept of my new system was the "Love Bank." It helped me show the couples I counseled how their love for each other was created and destroyed. This is how I explained this important concept to these couples:

    Each of us has a Love Bank and everyone we know has a separate account. It's the way our emotions keep track of the way people treat us. When treated well by someone, and we associate that person with good feelings, love units are deposited into his or her account in our Love Bank. But when treated badly by that person, love units are withdrawn from the Love Bank. When a person's balance is high, we like that person. But if a person withdraws more love units than he or she deposits, and the balance is in the red, we dislike that person.

    The feeling of love is experienced when the Love Bank balance reaches a certain threshold. When enough love units are deposited to break through that threshold (I call it the "romantic love" threshold), we are in love with whoever holds that account in our Love Bank. But when the balance falls below that threshold, the feeling of being "in love" is lost. And when the Love Bank withdrawals exceed deposits enough to break through a certain negative threshold, we hate the person holding that account.

    Our emotional reactions to people -- liking and disliking, loving and hating -- are not determined by will, they are determined by Love Bank balances. And Love Bank balances are determined by the way people treat us.

    Once you understand the role of the Love Bank in determining your feelings for each other in marriage, you become aware of the fact that your spouse's feelings for you are determined by how you have been treating your spouse. If you want your spouse to be in love with you, you must deposit enough love units to break through the romantic love threshold. If your spouse wants you to be in love with him or her, your spouse must deposit enough love units into your Love Bank.

    Almost everything that you and your spouse do is either depositing or withdrawing love units. Since most of what you do is by habit, repeated again and again, your habits either deposit love units continually, or they withdraw them continually. That's why your habits play such a crucial role in the creation or destruction of your love for each other.

    So the feeling of love can last a lifetime for a couple if they apply two lessons: 1) avoid withdrawing love units and 2) keep depositing them. It's just that simple. All it takes is maintaining Love Bank balances above the romantic love threshold.

    Creating a Plan to Restore Love and Resolve Conflicts

    Throughout my professional career, I have helped couples create a plan to build Love Bank balances. After helping literally thousands of couples prepare and execute these plans, I got around to writing books on the subject. That way, couples could restore their love for each other by simply following my advice in a book, rather than consulting with me personally. The books I wrote help couples create a plan that apply these two lessons that I just described to their marriages.

    I wrote Love Busters to help couples with the first lesson: avoiding the withdrawal of love units by learning to identify and eliminate destructive behavior that I call "Love Busters." I wrote His Needs, Her Needs to help couples with the second lesson: depositing love units by identifying and learning the best ways to make each other happy -- meeting each others' most important emotional needs.

    These two books, Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs, contain contracts, questionnaires, inventories, worksheets and other forms that couples use to create a plan of action. But they're reduced in size and often incomplete in these books because of space limitations.

    In response to many requests for the full-sized forms, I compiled a workbook, Five Steps to Romantic Love. It contains not only the forms described in my two books, but also many others that I have used to help couples with their plan to create and sustain romantic love.

    I have grouped these forms into a five-step sequence that can guide your own personal plan to restore love to your marriage. They will also help you resolve conflicts, but you will learn to resolve them in a way that sustains your love.

    The First Step in building romantic love is to make a commitment to do just that. Problems are not solved by chance: Chance creates problems. So if you want to keep love in your marriage, you must commit yourselves to that purpose. I designed the form, Agreement to Overcome Love Busters and Meet the Most Important Emotional Needs, to spell out very clearly what it takes to guarantee romantic love. In essence, it commits you to follow the remaining four steps.

    The Second Step is to identify habits that threaten to destroy romantic love. As I explain in the first chapter of Love Busters, it's pointless to build romantic love if you persist in habits that undermine your effort. I designed the Analysis of Love Busters Questionnaire to help you identify these destructive habits. When you and your spouse have accurately completed this questionnaire, you'll know how you've been destroying romantic love.

    The Third Step is to create and execute a plan that eliminates the Love Busters you identified in the second step. Chapters two through six in Love Busters introduce and describe each of the five Love Busters. They also suggest methods to help you eliminate them. Most of the forms in this section of the workbook are described in these chapters and are designed to help you overcome Love Busters systematically.

    There are three forms to help you overcome each Love Buster: First there is an inventory to identify the bad habits. Then there is a form to document the strategy you've chosen to eliminate them. Finally, a worksheet helps you document progress toward your goal.

    The most common Love Busters -- anger, disrespect and demands -- are the way we instinctively go about trying to resolve marital conflicts. But these approaches to problem solving are not only ineffective, they also destroy the feeling of love. In the second half of Love Busters, I show how conflicts should be resolved, by finding a solution that takes the interests and feelings of both spouses into account simultaneously. Once you learn to abandon anger, disrespect and demands, and search for solutions that take the feelings of both of you into account, you will find conflicts much easier to resolve. But even while they are unresolved, you will remain in love with each other until you find a solution.

    When you've conquered Love Busters, you're ready for the Fourth Step to romantic love: Identifying the most important emotional needs.

    The way to deposit the most love units is to meet the most important emotional needs. It's when these needs are met that love units cascade into the Love Bank and romantic love blossoms. The Analysis of Emotional Needs Questionnaire, found in His Needs, Her Needs, is printed in a larger, more convenient form in the workbook. It's designed to help you identify and communicate your most important emotional needs to each other.

    The Fifth Step to romantic love is learning to meet the needs you identified in step four. There's a chapter in His Needs, Her Needs that describes each of the ten most common emotional needs (chapters 3-12). Methods I've used to help couples learn to meet these needs are also included in these chapters. The forms I use to help couples achieve these goals are printed in the workbook.

    These forms are generally arranged in a logical sequence. First, behavior likely to meet each need is identified in an inventory. Second, a strategy to learn to meet the need is planned and documented. Third, progress toward the achievement of the goal is recorded on a worksheet.

    The forms in Five Steps to Romantic Love will help you 1) make a commitment to create and sustain romantic love, 2) identify habits that destroy romantic love, 3) overcome those Love Busters, 4) identify the most important emotional needs and 5) learn to meet them. They are designed to turn insight into action. Insight is good place to begin, but it's what you do with that insight that ultimately solves your problem.

    If you can complete these five steps to romantic love, you will have created and implemented your own plan to restore love to your marriage. These forms found in the workbook will help you understand what you need to do to create a fulfilling marriage. All you need is the motivation to carry out your own plan.

    But if you cannot follow your own program as evidenced by your failure to complete assignments, then I suggest that you find a therapist who can help motivate you to achieve these goals you have set for yourselves. Bring the worksheets found in Five Steps to Romantic Love with you when you consult your therapist, and have him or her guide you to a successful completion.

    In your effort to restore and sustain romantic love, you will discover a new way to resolve your marital conflicts. You will look for solutions that deposit love units into both of your Love Banks simultaneously. Solutions that make one of you happy at the other's expense (win-lose solutions), will not build your love, but rather will cause one spouse to lose love for the other. So you will learn to continue negotiating until you have found solutions that meet with your mutual agreement (win-win solutions). That way you both deposit love units whenever a problem is solved.

    You will learn to negotiate without the Love Busters, anger, disrespect and demands. That way the process of coming to an agreement will deposit love units along with the solution itself. Sadly, many couples use Love Busters as a way to try to come to an agreement, making the agreement much more difficult and causing a loss of love every time they try to resolve a conflict.

    Sustained romantic love is a litmus test of your care and protection of each other. Care is nothing more than meeting each other's important emotional needs and protection is accommodating each other's feelings in what you do each day. Your marriage will be passionate and fulfilling if both you and your spouse create and follow a plan that guarantees care and protection. It's well worth the effort.
     
  24. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    Interesting reading. Thanks for the links and posting. I've read through a couple of articles on the site and it's very helpful. I've even emailed the link to my wife.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2007
  25. unforgiven

    unforgiven New Member

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    Well, we went out on a 'date' this weekend and let my parents babysit the boy. It went pretty well, it was relaxing for her but not really for me. I kept feeling like I needed to continuously be doing things and at the end of the day, I guess I was expecting some obvious results, which means I only set myself up for disappointment.

    I'm an impatient person. I know it's going to take time for us to recover, but in my mind I still keep expecting to see dramatic results for my effort. It's still draining me to feel like I'm giving so much and not seeing results or getting much in return... or at least, seeing what I'm getting in return as results, if that makes any sense.

    Things are going better between us and for her, but not for me. As usual, I keep overthinking everything and expecting the unrealistic. I have a Doctor's appointment today for a complete physical. I'm going to talk with him about the possibility of me going on antidepressants, I'm hoping that will help to calm me down.
     

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