SRS Really wierd issue with the GF..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by whelen1, Nov 25, 2006.

  1. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford/Providence
    Ok this is totally wierd but at the time time understandable...

    A little background ... the woman I'm dating got out of a very short, very shitty fling, not even relationship quality with a really shitty guy and I don't know how it happened but she is counts it as, "A Mistake".

    He was a true shithead and I think in the entire thing for purly sex, and to that I don't know if it ever happened and frankly I don't care as its the past. But since he was a shit head and I saw how he treated other women I vowed silently and in her presence that if I found out that he hurt her I would hunt him down and probably kill him.

    Fast foreward to this past week. Went to SC to visit her and setup a romantic night with candle lit rooms, wine, home cooked dinner, candle lit bath the whole nine yards. We fooled around, I :drool: to go down on her and like most nights I did it again. She hasn't really done anything for me, though before that night it wasn't a big deal I like to give more than I get. She only gave me a handjob once and she stopped just short of a happy ending:wtc:

    She said that she wants to take her time with getting into the sex bit and I 100% respect that. I asked if she is ready to take it farther that night and she said she was but there were some issues...:eek4: Saying that killed the rest of the mood so I asked her ... what kind of issues. Protection was one - ok understandable as I didn't have anything with me (d'oh), she would like a ring, but its not a big deal - ok...

    Then she dropped a bomb. She said, indirectly it was her ex (the asshole) and I outright said the name and she nodded in agreement and when i asked her to tell me she said she didn't want to because she will know how I will react. :noes:

    Now I respect her for choosing not to tell me but at the same time whatever happened is affecting our relationship now and its obviously something that is serious.

    Now go back to me giving more than I get back. As it isn't a big deal I think that whatever shithead did is related, just not sure how.

    I didn't speak of it for the rest of the time I was visiting and its not something I choose to talk about over the phone or the internet with her as it should be done in person.

    But... my questing to the Asylum .... How do I go about trying to find out what happened without going to her one friend who is also her confidant? Or even not the full story, just SOMETHING as to what happened..:sadwavey:
     
  2. Create

    Create :free at last:

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,043
    Likes Received:
    2
    Well, you should start by believing and communicating to her that you made the threat to kill him as a purely emotional response. Believe and communicate that you would never actually follow through with it.

    edit: Erased because what I really think is not constructive.
     
  3. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    :werd: If you want her to open up to you then you need to act like a mature adult and not threaten to kill him or kick his ass. If he did something really bad to her like rape or abuse then the cops can handle him.

    If she's not seeing a counselor then she needs to start seeing one. Her school will have a place where she can go talk to someone for free. You aren't going to be able to help her alone. If she wants to talk to you about it later then she will, but don't bug her about it or bring it up. Let her do it on her own terms.

    What was that about wanting a ring before you have sex? I hope she didn't mean an engagement ring :ugh:
     
  4. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford/Providence

    "What was that about wanting a ring before you have sex? I hope she didn't mean an engagement ring :ugh:" Its the halfway truth, but not hardened in stone
     
  5. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford/Providence
    On another note, the threat is an idle one like you guys posted. I'm very protective of her (not to the point of obsession) especially with her rocky past.

    If it wan't affecting a portion of our relationship I wouldn't care as much because its in the past, done and over with. But since it does have some sort of adverse reaction, thats why im concerned. But I guess I just have to sit back and wait..
     
  6. Create

    Create :free at last:

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,043
    Likes Received:
    2
    1. Tell her it's an idle threat.
    2. Show her through your actions (everyone can be a good BS'er) that you can be trusted.
    3. Screw like rabbits.
    4. ?????
    5. Profit.

    Words can help. Try:

    "I don't want this to effect our relationship but it obviously is. How can *we* work through this. I want you to be happy. I can be patient. I am here for you."

    You've got to make it your own and believe it. Women have a way of judging sincerity.
     

Share This Page