SRS really scared lately

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MudRacer4x4, Dec 18, 2007.

  1. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    I'm really scared about my life.

    I'm starting school in January. I applied for a college away from home but didn't get in:( so now i'm going locally. I don't mind that but I feel like its just more time without women. Everyone tells me to meet chicks online (i have no idea where or how to do that) but even that scares me.

    I've started drinking alot and doing drugs on occasion to escape my depression.

    I've been to doctors but every anti depressant makes me sick.

    I'm just unhappy. I think i'm making a positive step by going to college but at the same time I really want a girlfriend and for some reason can not get one. I've had girlfriends before but nothing really went anywhere. Everyone tells me i'm good looking and older chicks are always hitting on me but girls my own age just dont seem to be interested.

    People that know me well love me but everyone says I have trouble expressing my true personality to people I just met.

    Between not having a girlfriend and being so scared that i'm going to fail at school life has been horrible.

    I don't know what i'm looking for here I'm just not sure what to do.
     
  2. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Well, here's my advice to you, bruh.

    Don't rush things. Since you have medical issues with depression, the last thing you'd want to do is rush into something. Woman are awesome, a girlfriend is great, there's no lie in that. However, if you need a woman in order for your life to be happy, then well, I think you need to rearrange your priorities.

    If you can't be happy for yourself, then you ultimately won't bring happiness to your relationship. Say you do hook up, get with a girl, then 3 months down the road she lets you go.. Would you want to feel that? You need to be able to build up your self-esteem, your self-image so in case something does happen, you can take it; Emotionally.

    Just don't rush things. Get to school and live the college life. You're going to be put into an awesome social setting where you'll be able to interact and meet new people. If you're narrow minded and pessimistic, then that's what your experiences are going to be.

    Just relax, try to look at the bright side of things. If theirs something you actually enjoy doing and get pleasure from, don't forget about it when school starts. As good as it is to be focused, you should always have an outlet so you can enjoy yourself.

    Just take it easy, man. Don't be so tense.

    You only live once.. When you're 55 years old, do you want to look back and say "Haha, I had a blast in my 20's", or, would you rather say "I fucking hated life, it was miserable, I wish ... I wish ... I wish ....".

    You can control what you say when you're 55, now. Do it. Make it what you want, not what you think it has to be.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Champ[$]

    Champ[$] New Member

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    I think what Dreams said is true.

    Good luck
     
  4. childofbean

    childofbean Green Member

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    Focus on fixing your depression before you look for a girl.
     
  5. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I felt the same way as you for a long time.

    I finally took the steps and started seeing a therapist at a Depression/Anxiety clinic.

    My life has completely changed. And guess what? I make straight A's in college other than when I am doing schoolwork, I almost never think about school (at least in a negative way). I make the time to do my school work, and I stick with it.

    I could write paragraphs upon paragraphs to help you realize your negative thoughts, but that isn't enough. I could recommend you a few books that really helped me, but that isn't enough either. Your situation is very serious, and nothing is more important than your happiness. Go see a therapist and get your problems solved. Don't put it on the backburner either; make the call tomorrow. If you don't have the money, save it.

    Why would any girl want to be around an unhappy person? It's contagious. As childofbean said, fix your depression before you think about finding a girl.
     
  6. Minh Lam

    Minh Lam Active Member

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    what do they do in those clinics that actually help you?
    I been through panic attacks that led to depression but I managed to pull through. Probably should of seeked help though.
     
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    It really depends on what kind of therapy you need.

    My problems began with my thoughts, which made cognitive therapy a good match for me. Cognitive therapy is "a form of therapy for depression in which the goal is to diminish symptoms by correcting distorted thinking based on negative self-perceptions and expectations."

    Basically, I would go to her office and sit down on a couch. She would turn her computer chair around and our discussion would begin. We are facing each other, so it's not the typical laying down on a couch thing. It's casual and normal.

    Typically, I would tell her about things that made me feel high anxiety or things that made me feel depressed throughout the week. She would ask me questions like "So, what is the worst thing that would have happened in that situation?" etc etc, until I came up with the realization that I needed not to worry about it. Or, questions like "So what good came from worrying about the situation?"

    After I wrote her my life story, she explained to me events in my life that shaped my negative thinking. She would also give me exercises to do, such as writing a journal each day, creating a time to worry about things, looking at the positive in each situation, etc.

    Most of the stuff could be learned in a book, but having someone there to report to and talk about your progress with really helps and keeps you motivated.

    I still go talk to my therapist occasionally. Anytime I have a big problem in life or am having trouble coming to a decision, I go talk to her and she is wonderful at making me feel comfortable with whatever decision I make.
     
  8. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    i already regret my high school experience and now that i'm stuck in my town i fell like i'm missing out in the college experience. i've been depressed since i can remember and do attend therapy.
     
  9. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    It's true, you need to get yourself out of depression first and then concentrate on having a girlfriend later. You think that having a gf will make your depression go away but it won't. If you get into a relationship with a girl you might think your depression is gone, but it's not. Also, it's not healthy to put that kind of emphasis on a relationship. It's not only not healthy for you, but for the prospective girlfriend as well. It's just not fair to either one of you. And when the relationship takes a turn for the worst, and it will, you not only have relationship issues to deal with, but now your depression is back and has increased ten-fold.

    Answer these questions, and answer them honestly:
    Are you attractive?
    Do YOU think you are attractive?
    Are you self-confident?

    The answers to these questions will explain a lot.

    I've been in your position where I've turned to drugs and alcohol during a depression. I was stuck spiraling downwards in this phase for close to 2 years. I did not think I was attractive. I had no self-worth. I had zero confidence. I had no social skills and wouldn't bother trying to develop them because of my perceived self-image. I withdrew from everything important, such as dropping out of college, and lived basically in a drug induced daze for most of my depression.

    Then I decided that it was time to shape up. I established realistic goals for myself (REALISTIC goals are imperative to self-improvement.) and made it a point to surpass them. When I did, I constructed more REALISTIC goals for myself and eventually from repeating this process, started to build confidence in myself.

    I joined a gym and really focused on my self-image. I improved myself in every aspect I could. Physically, mentally, socially, you name it.

    During this time I was NOT out looking for a gf. This was the last thing on my mind.

    Was this all easy to accomplish? Fuck no. And it won't be easy for you either. You will have to put in work. You will have to learn your own way how to succeed at things. You will need to learn how to socialize, and be someone that people want to socialize with.

    You do WHATEVER IS NECESSARY to improve yourself as a person.

    You need to focus on improving yourself and while in the process of doing so, you will realize that girls start taking interest in you when you're not even trying for that.

    I realize I've posted a novel for you to read, but I read your situation and it hits close to home for me. I know what it's like and it's not fun being where you are. But trust me, focus on yourself and really make yourself a better person, and all the pieces will fall into place.

    I guarantee it.

    Also, I don't know what kind of people you're hangin out with that tell you to meet girls online, but they obviously are not having great success in the dating field themselves, which should say something to you. These are not people you should be consulting with dating advice. You need to surround yourself with people who are successful at things. You really do.

    I don't think I've ever made a post this long on any of the forums I'm on.
     
  10. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    thanks. i'm social i just dont get chicks. my friends are actually all very successful. i lost alot of weight, signed up for school, and tried to do good i'm just not seeing results.
     
  11. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    It would definitely help if you answer his questions though.

    The more you explain, the more help you'll get.
     

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