SRS Really need love, havn't even come close.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by x deaD piXeL, Jan 13, 2008.

  1. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    Hi there OT. I'm not one to post on a forum for advice, but the diversification of users here could really help me.

    Basically, my problem is..I need a girl. I'm 19 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend. Basically, I've turned down every girl who has asked me out, and I've never asked a girl out. During high school, I wanted to avoid all relationships, simply because I hated drama. Now that I'm 19, and out of school, I simply need what I've been missing out on my whole life.

    I never really thought about this until a few weeks ago, when I finally lost my virginity. Basically, my roommates girl brought over her friend, we danced, and dancing led to sex. I slept with her, cuddled with her for the whole night and shit, and it was fucking amazing. After doing that for the first time, it REALLY got to me that I need a significant other in my life. I did want to try with her, but apparently some rich guy got to her already, so whatever. I need to get a girl, and fast. I need help accomplishing this.

    I think the main reasons that I may not be able to find a girl fast would be:

    1. I'm not very attractive. Maybe my personality doesn't appeal to others? Check out my myspace profile and throw some tips. www.myspace.com/unfors4k3n

    2. I don't really know where to look. My job is just me and my co-workers, all almost all married. Nobody else comes in, so I can't find any there. I've got a car, and I live in a fairly large city in the beautiful metro phoenix east valley of Arizona. So many places to go, but which is the fastest?

    Now, I know you all probably think I'm an idiot for being so ignorant about this at 19, but ignore that please and help me out. I'd really appreciate this!

    Thanks OT!

    :x:

    EDIT: Here's a quick pic of me that I just took:

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2008
  2. nost

    nost New Member

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    id suggest joining a gym or some sort of club/group etc.
    or if you could even try online dating if you really wanted
     
  3. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    i tried online dating

    i went to the my 45 site for my area and messaged a shit load of girls with no avail..lol

    and other sites cost money fuck that..if there was a free one which produced good results...sure

    as for a gym..no thanks..not much for gyms

    but club/group..what kind? i've got plenty of time on my hands in the evenings (after 5) and all day on weekends
     
  4. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    gyms are great man, you always are in a better mood after you work out and you get a chance to meet other people. who knows, maybe that other person could introduce you to a girl. or you might just be able to help show a girl how to start the treatmill and then it could lead to more.

    search for a meetup group in your area; talk to other people, go out for a sports league; adult education classes, et.c
     
  5. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    Do you have any hobbies? cars? art? photography? sports? Gym is not your thing...ok..

    What I learned is, be happy with yourslef bro, your love will come. I know it sound cheesy and cliche, but that is because it is SO TRUE.

    I was like you, 17-20 I was preoccupied with my car, art, photography, traveling, etc. Thought relationships were BS and didn't bother. Now at 22 I'm still a virgin but in a few months I am hoping to move out, start my career and work out, bike and have fun... Way more on my plate now than girls...Remember live YOUR life!
     
  6. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Join a gym, like mentioned. Talk to your co-workers. Just because they are older and married doesn't mean they don't have female neighbors, daughters, friends' daughters, neices, etc. around your age. As cheesy as it sounds, find a nightclub that has an under 21 night. I know everyone always says not to go looking for relationships in bars, but you never know. Plus, you're young. I don't think you're out looking for your wife at the age of 19. Girls like to get dressed up and go dancing with their girlfriends. Not everyone there is a club whore looking for her next piece of ass.

    As for your looks, I can honestly say you're not unattractive. not necessarily my type, but I'm starting to think no one ever is lol.. You should have no problem pulling the ladies as long as you appear confident and let your awesome personality shine through. :)
     
  7. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    I dislike working out and athletics. That's why I wouldn't do that. I want to be myself, not try to be somebody who I'm not.
     
  8. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    I love singing, music, tv, movies, internet, camping...
     
  9. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    I've already talked to them, and partied with them and their friends. So far, no luck. As for the night club, I'd do that..but that's a little cheesy for me. I might be a little shy for that approach though..lol.
     
  10. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    Hey I am in Phoenix. One thing you should do is find a friend and cruise Mill ave on a Friday... There are so many girls its retarded..

    As for the whole disliking working out and trying to be somone who you arent? Thats bs. Working out gives you not only more energy, but as you notice your strength increasing as well as body defining, it's very fullfilling. I am 6'2 170 and have been working out for a year. I am by no means trying to get huge or be what im not. I was in the same position you were and didnt care. Working out gave me ALOT more confidence.
     
  11. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Yeah working out doesn't necessarily = broly. A few years back I actually met a guy who I was on and off with for quite some time at the gym. You'd be surprised.. :dunno:
     
  12. ChillerTwist

    ChillerTwist New Member

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    Listen to this guy. You sound like a good guy, so what you deserve will eventually come around... probably when you least expect it. But until then, focus on you (whatever that may mean to you.. ie. you want to learn a new language? join a class. you want to get a promotion at your job? work at it and get it! etc) Not only will you obviously benefit, but those types of things attract girls. Don't put your life on hold to find a girlfriend, you'll be backpedaling.

    As an example, I'm 22... no real girlfriends, couple flings here and there that lead to nothing 'cause I wasn't interested. Don't commit to something that's not the way you want it to be. Don't settle. Like you a couple girls asked ME out and I turned it down cause I know the type of girl I want. The few I have asked out turned ME down. It's all about going after what you want. There's no magical way to find a girlfriend.
     
  13. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    I don't really have anything else to go after now. I'm living day by day, with nothing to really look forward to until supporting myself to work the next day.

    My job doesn't have promotions for any time soon. I'm not holding myself back for a girl, I just want to devote more time to finding one. Alot of girls tell me a problem I have is that I'm too nice. I'm actually being serious.

    I just want to find a girl, and fast. I've got plenty of free time, and I want to use some of that to bring love in my life. Without it for so long, it's been hurting.

    I wish the online dating hype worked for me. I messaged like 40 girls on mydatingplacephx.com and no avail.

    I don't really know what activities there are that I'm actually interested in, that would also bring girls. Any ideas besides the night club?

    But as of now, I don't think love is coming. Not expected. Not unexpected. Basically, my life is pretty linear. Not much change day by day. Go to work, meet the same people everyday. Nobody new, nothing new. Get home..do pretty much nothing..(at least I have alot of free time though.)

    I need to fill that gap.
     
  14. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    Also, I'd like to note..working out didn't help me very much. I worked out a SHIT load in basic training, and AIT. It didn't help my confidence very much. Plus, if we're talking about confidence based from how I look, I would consider my face more of a problem than my body.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You need to love yourself before you attempt to love anyone else. Do something to bring your confidence up.
     
  16. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    I'm actually a decently confident person. I don't walk around like a fucking pimp, but I like myself.
     
  17. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    Ever walk down the street and see a ugly or fat guy with a girl and ask yourself "How did he get her? WTF?".... Confidence

    You arent going to have much luck until you lose those "im ugly" thoughts you have. You dont have to be an arrogant bastard to have confidence either. When you are confident people can just tell whether you are spittin game to a girl or asking somone for directions. It's something that radiates from a person.

    Go sit in the ASU library and watch people. There are alot of girls in there!
     
  18. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    I don't know how to "game". I have NO idea how to spark a conversation up with a random girl, especially in a library.

    It's worth a shot though, these tips are MUCH appreciated!
     
  19. x deaD piXeL

    x deaD piXeL Turn up the fucking music!

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    Also, I personally do not think I am that unattractive. In fact, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see why people tell me the opposite. I think I'm a decent looking guy, but constantly girls and guys alike tell me the opposite.
     
  20. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I'm sure it can.

    That's not a problem, I assure you. Regardless of what others might tell you (especially class mates or friends), it's not unusual at your age.

    Why did you turn down the girls who asked you out?

    So you avoided relationships because you felt that every single girl you met would be overly dramatic and lead to problems?

    I do hope you wore protection. I'm dead serious, if you haven't, you better from now on. And don't tell me "Well she's on the pill or some other winded excuse" -- never, and I mean "never" sleep with a girl without using protection until you're in a long term committed relationship and prepared for the consequence of having children. And no, pulling out is not "protection. Additionally, the fact that you latched onto the first girl who gave you sex is a sign you are inexperienced with women. This is fine, we all begin somewhere. I recommend you read Mystery Method. I would also recommend not treating women like they're objects or dramatic attention whores. Many women are quite incredibly nice and great to be friends with as well as lovers. If you are attracting drama whores, it is not they that is the problem -- this goes for anyone. It is "you" who would be the problem if you were constantly attracting that type of woman.

    There is nothing wrong with your appearance. Second, you don't "need" a girl. Let's be very clear on that. Sure you may want to date, and that's fine but you don't "need" it -- so let's start by changing the way you word things. You'd like to date someone, fair enough?

    Reading the MM will solve this problem. Women are everywhere, the issue is you're looking for women in a location that you can pull off the long drawn out method you think you need in order to get to know here. This is unnecessary. PM me for the link to the MM. Download it, read it, learn it, love it, and live it. But don't ever mistreat or disrespect women.

    No I don't think you're an idiot. You think you're an idiot apparently, but that will change if you follow these instructions and this advice I'm giving you.

    Attracting women isn't about your appearance. It plays a role and so you will learn some tools for altering and enhancing your appearance, but your appearance is a very small part of what brings women into your life.

    First of all you have to have a life worth bringing them into. Are you happy with who you are? Do you know who you are? What are your goals? Are you striving to become a certain type of person? What are your character qualities? What are your weak points in your personality? What are you passionate about?

    Let's get going. At 19, you won't understand everything, but you'll get most of it in order to help change your outlet and the way you interact socially with women. It's really going to change how you interact with everyone in-fact. You'll see the world differently by the time we're done.
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Online dating is a waste of time. That's my personal opinion. I have a lot of reasons why I think that. Some people are successful at it, but I think most people use it as a crutch for fear of approaching people face to face. I recommend you avoid using the internet to "try" to connect with women. You may meet someone accidentally, which is fine, but as far as where you actually work to meet people, I recommend personal contact.

    The biggest reason is it saves you time. Time is precious. You can always make more money, find new friends, or a new job, but you can never buy more time when time runs out.

    So saving time is important. Meeting a girl online can take weeks, if not months to court her, and even if you do convince her to meet you, once you meet face to face, you have to start all over again and still court her and get her to invest herself in you.
     
  22. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I do hope you exercise minimally for health purposes. Minimal exercise, such as walking for 20-30 minutes per day, or riding a bike, swimming, whatever increases heart rate and blood pressure temporarily. This increases the flow of nutrition to parts of the body which speeds healing, decreases waste build up, improved oxygen saturation. In laymens terms, you become smarter, stronger, and actually feel "better" -- you function at peak performance. Did you know studies show that those who exercise moderately each week for 3 days actually show increased IQ's relative to sedentary people? This is nothing new, studies have been done demonstrating this fact.

    So I do hope you realize that women aren't going to appreciate someone who doesn't take their health seriously.
     
  23. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Alright, fair enough. We have some activities. However, how many of those can you actually do while engaging anyone in person? Camping, that's it. That's the only one. When you're singing, you're not communicating with anyone, unless you're singing with them or to them. Music -- ok, you can listen to music, but are you communicating and talking to a woman while doing it? Nope. TV? Nope. Movies, nope, internet, nope.

    It's important to get involved in activities where you can also communicate while doing them. If you like dining out at restaurants, or playing video games, or playing pool or teaching someone how to bowl. There are many things you can do while engaging another person.

    You can take a drive together, go to a museum, a planetarium, the zoo, feed some ducks, even sit on the couch and talk without interruption.
     
  24. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Night clubs can be enjoyable places if they also have places where you can actually share a dialog. It's one of the fastest places to meet people, because you can work the room and introduce yourself to a lot of people in a short period of time. Your "shy" issue will have to be defeated to accomplish the goal you're aiming for. If you're willing then it will work. If you're not willing you will fail.
     
  25. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    This is a major problem. Answer my questions above about passions, goals, ambitions. Without them, you will not likely find a good woman to date. You will find someone just as apathetic as you are.

    This problem will be solved with the tools I'm suggesting, especially the MM. Getting the "nice" out of "nice guy" will take a little work, but there is no reason for you to be excessively nice.

    If that's what you want, you will fail.

    Needing a woman will inevitably end in failure. You will not get the desired result if you rush or if you convince yourself that you "need" it.

    I'm glad it didn't work for you. You have an opportunity now to learn how to overcome your fear, to make something of yourself, and to actually cultivate a sincere passion for living beyond your dead end job.

    I have many more, but I'm not listing them yet. I've only given you a few basic ones, but they aren't necessarily places to meet women. If you attempt to meet a woman now given your level of competence (Level of skill socially) you will find yourself a very unhappy fellow.

     

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