SRS Really missing her

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Frontclip2200, Jul 13, 2007.

  1. Frontclip2200

    Frontclip2200 New Member

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    last week my gf of over 3 years told me that she needs time alone and needs space and broke up with me, and it has completely devastated me. We really did almost everything together and now she has cut off almost all contact, and wont return my calls. i really do love her and would kill to be with her but i know i cant just make her be in love with me. i dont really talk to alot of people about relationships and dont have alot of people to turn to for advice and thats why ive come here. i dont know how to handle this situation at all. all the advice i get is that i just have to try and move on, which i have been trying to do but i love her so much that i just cant. can anyone please give me advice on how to salvage the relationship, i know theres got to be some hope that we'll get back together. or tell me about your experiences in this situation. i just need somone to talk to about it all. thanks
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    First off, all the bolded stuff makes you sound needy and desperate, which you most likely are.

    Its completely normal, I've been there.

    Personally, I recommend getting your life together and learning how to actually date as opposed to desperately clinging to the one piece of pussy who will give you the time of day, but that's your choice, not mine.

    Now, if you actually want her back, here is what you have to do.

    Step 1: The No-Contact Rule

    You do not call, you do not go see her, you do not send her text messages, you do not send her emails. And you damn sure do not send her flowers.

    Step 2: Rebuff Her Friendship Advances

    After a period of enforcing Step 1, she is going to wonder why you are no longer showering her with the attention she is accustomed to, and she is going to want it back.

    This is where you can really ramp up her interest level. When she calls, either don't answer, or pick up and be very short with her. She will try to chat and ask how you are doing. Be business-like and ask her if she needs anything specific and when she says "No I just wanted to talk" tell her you are busy and get off the phone.

    At some point she is going to bring up being friends. Tell her you have plenty of friends and she has already made it clear how she feels about spending time with you, and you prefer to give that time to people who appreciate it.


    I have personally done what I describe here and I can tell you it works like a charm.

    My first wife went from telling me to my face that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce, to 3 weeks later coming to my apartment and fucking my brains out in an attempt to get me back after I did what I describe above.

    The flip-side to this is that if you contact her or chase her in any way, she is going to lose interest in you even more and she is going to run the other direction. If you do not adhere to Step 1 at all times you will not be getting back together.

    I fucked my ex-wife many times after she broke up with me, but I did not call her contact her even once in that period of time. Not once!
     
  3. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    did she give you a real reason why she wanted to break up? b/c i honestly think that whole "needs time alone/space" reason is not the end of her story. there has to be a "real" reason (or at least a more expansive one) why she doesnt want to be in the relationship anymore. it could be as simple as wanting space b/c she thinks the relationship has gone as far as it can or as complex as something else.

    you might also want to try retracing your steps, so to speak, and see what/when /why she started to distance herself from you and maybe that'll lead you to why she wants time alone. it's a bit difficult b/c a lot of times we're not really aware of our actions, but a lot of times it's those times when we dont notice, that things happen. of course this could also lead to a lot of second-guessing, so don't get too into it. maybe ask some references like yours and her friends. maybe they noticed something or heard something.

    as for salvaging the relationship, it all depends on why she wanted the distance. for instance, if she felt the relationship was getting stale or boring, try to spice it up. but if it was b/c of something more personal (like your interests, friends, etc.), than it might not be worth it to stay with someone who doesnt accept all of you and wants to "change" you.
     
  4. PsyKo[H]

    PsyKo[H] New Member

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    The worst thing you can do is keep hoping that you can salvage it. There's nothing you can do to change her mind and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can get back on your feet.

    Keeping your mind occupied is a good start. Go do things that you wanted to do before but didn't have the time. Go meet new people. Go help someone. All those things can be godsends when trying to forget about problems.

    For some people, nothing works better than just crying about it to get the weight off their backs. I know this is sort of taboo for us men, so if you feel like it, just go to a private place.

    But one thing you MUST do is try to get some semblance of a normal life. You could live just fine before you met her, couldn't you? She did not define you, even though she was an important part of you.

    Who knows? Maybe this was for the best and there's someone just around the corner that will make you feel like you've never felt before. All you have to do is live so that your paths can cross one day.
     
  5. cmac21

    cmac21 New Member

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    honestly the best thing you could do for yourself is let her go...while you say you can't its very doable. all you really need to think about is how could not being with her be better, one such reason could be that would u really want to be with her while she doesn't want to be with you? when you find another person, even just as a friend, who has similar interests as you that your previous gf did not, it'll be a lot easier to realize that even though u loved this girl, there are many more out there who could probably suit you better...you just gotta be patient and look forward to that and u'll be able to get over this without a problem
     
  6. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Stop looking to salvage the relationship.

    Get yourself together, man! Look at the situation properly, not emotionally. Chances are she's got someone else she's interested in. Do NOT initiate any more contact. Let her do her own thing. Do not become a clingy mess when she comes crawling back. Show her that your life has improved dramatically without her in it.

    She'll be pissed, and you'll be happy. It's win-win.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I put this in another thread, but it really applies more to you.

    I'm sure you don't feel this way now, you're way to enmeshed into her to be able to separate yourself, from your relationship.
    But....one day.... you will see.




    Breakups are the best part of life.

    Not because breakups are fun. But because everything after that is a chance for a fucking fresh beginning.
    You just need to let go of the baggage.

    Give it a try.

    You have no idea how freeing it is to just stop for a moment, jettison the bags...and then step away from the warden.

    And keep walking. Don't look back. Nothing back there anyways
     

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