SRS Really Late Bloomer

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by petiteaquarius1, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. petiteaquarius1

    petiteaquarius1 New Member

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    Hiya , I've got an embarrassing question . Honestly how freaked out will a man be when he finds out that I'm a 30something sexual virgin ? Physically , I'm supershort and flat-chested and skinny . So I've spent my entire adult life , up to this point , looking like I'm aged 12 . The only adult tip off I have is the several grey hairs that have shown up in the last 5 years . For the last 20 years , I've been virtually "invisible" to men which has made it next to impossible to get a serious relationship off the ground . When I was younger it didn't bother me about not constantly getting "hit on" whenever I went out to bars or coffeehouses . But now I truely want to have my own family and I'm losing valuable baby-making years . Any suggestions to stop me from being desperate and choosing the first a** that can't get anyone else to put up with his screwed up behavior would be very welcome !
     
  2. B4 I FU R U 18

    B4 I FU R U 18 Active Member

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    i wouldn't be freaked out at all. I think most guys wouldn't be either. Go out with friends, try online dating sites, or join some club or activity are sure ways to meet people.
     
  3. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I think many men will be surprised and not freaked out , but watch out for those who want to mount you so they can be your "first." Look to build something with someone first. You can sometimes weed out the bad ones by wanting to do this because ones that aren't worth a shit will leave or make up an excuse to not be around you as much. The more crafty ones may worm their way into your pants, but I don't think you are that clueless to not pick up on people who say they are interested but do not show that they care.

    Go out with a group of your girl friends so you do not feel so intimidated to approach anyone by yourself if you are having problems with this. You can turn your interest and hobbies into something you can mutually share with another person or more than one person. It seems that you have to put forth the effort to make yourself approachble. it sounds like you might have one or two hang ups about how you look. Don't worry about being flatchested or looking 12. If need be, have fun with a makeover. Smile. Exude confidence. Show people you are full of life and that you are interesting to know. People are more attracted to those who put out the confidence :)
     
  4. miniml

    miniml New Member

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    you being a virgin might actually be a good thing, no matter if the man is a christian or not

    you say youre being ignored by men. why dont you do some "make over" thing? many, many "average" women have hidden beauty they havent activated.

    much apologies if i offended you somehow.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You are already expressing that you yourself think that there's 'little' chance ,because you are virtually invisible to men. What i am terribly conserned about is that you will bump into the 'wrong' kind of men once you do, and i seriously doubt if your 'willingness to raise a family' won't send you into a lot of hurtfull emotions. You see

    Do you really want a family because you want a family, or because the pressure is on that you are becoming older? Im not neglecting you the chance to get a family, but i want you to get a family not for the wrong reasons, clearly you want a family because you are becoming desperate and not because you are ready and have been married for a couple of years in a healthy relationship, which would be the normal way to go.

    Your desperation will make you 'open' for any men to make abuse of that desperation just so they can have sex with you, then drop you like a brick. I personally think that the whole family thing is overrated, and what you are doing to yourself is unhealthy so im going to raise a *red flag* here.

    I don't agree in the 'way' you are trying to establish a family, i want to stand in your path and raise a stop sign hand signal in front of your face. Purely because i want to protect you from hurting yourself like this. The more you want in life, the more troubles you get, and you are in a lot of trouble because it will be 'very' hard for you to find the right kind of guy. In this 'shallow' world, you have two things against you, your lenght + your age.

    Personally i think it would be healthy if you 'dropped' the whole idea of having a family all together, and would say to yourself 'well i can't get everything in life' , and just be satisfied with what you have. And im saying this purely because i want to protect you from the most likely hurtfull situation that you are going to jump in.

    But then again , in the end its your life and you decide what you want to do with it. You may want to date and to look for men, and i can only hope for your personal happyness that you will find a wonderfull nice guy who loves you truelly for who you are. In which whom you could engage into a relationship and start a family with.

    Just remember that going into a relationship for all the wrong reasons is a bad start to begin with, if i may be honest i am realy concerned about you. Conserned that you will get hurt and emotionally damaged in a bad way, that's why im not jumping from joy to see you suddenly rush into a relationship,get babies,have a family life, purely because the thought that these things will give you automatically happyness is false.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Wouldn't be freaked out at all. :hs:
     
  7. petiteaquarius1

    petiteaquarius1 New Member

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    To Darketernal~Thanks , I understand the points you've made . I don't want be desperate . Unfortunately , I've missed out on the "trial & error" period that most people go through in their teens & 20s . Back when I was 18 or 20 I was very relaxed about my situation . I believed that by the time I hit my 30s I'd be creating a family with the right man . But now I'm wondering how the last 15 years disappeared so fast . All of my close friends and family members already started their various families . They don't realize how lucky they are . I am trying to find the right person . Its just that I'm nervous about trusting my judgement since I have very little experience to rely on .
     
  8. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    About the "flatchested" thing, it's all about confidence. I know it's probably easier said than done, but I once saw a woman walk into a restaurant and turned nearly every head in there. And she was practically flatchested.

    She had on a gorgeous black dress cut extremely low, no bra, and a silver pendant that brought attention to her chest. She was just so confident and had a light-hearted smile on her face. You couldn't help but notice.

    I concur with the other posters: Be careful of the "wrong" type of men.
    And give yourself a makeover. Everyone needs a little change now and then anyway, imo. :)
     
  9. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    Definitely go out with some of your girl friends then, so that they can steer you away from the wrong kinds of men. Good luck and trust that gut instinct!
     
  10. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    I wouldn't be freaked out by it, in fact it would be refreshing. It honestly disgusts me how young girls are getting started these days and how many guys they've likely had before I get a shot. The only thing I'd be worried about would be that I was wasting my time, that you've never given it up in all these years, ..what are the odds that I'll have anymore luck? I could see how it might be a bit discouraging. I've never had a virgin, and it doesn't look like I ever will. I'm setting right now for a girl who is tremendously more used/experienced than me and I really wish I was getting better than sloppy-dozens and kids that aren't even mine. I wish I could have met a virgin my age, or at least someone who hadn't done anywhere near as much as my gf has. *sigh*

    Anyway, being a virgin could be seen as a huge plus by a lot of guys. And yes, it's true that a lot of them will just want to hit it so they can feel proud of having tagged a V. But don't think that represents all guys. There are also plenty of guys who are interested in a meaningful relationship. You have to understand though: just because a guy wants sex doesn't mean that's ALL he wants. But to deny that a guy wants sex would just be a lie. It can be discouraging for a guy to invest a lot of himself in building a relationship with you if he begins to feel that it will never be anything more than platonic. The simple fact is, sex is THE difference between a romantic relationship and a platonic one. It's the thing you do with that "special someone" that you generally don't do with friends.

    Don't do anything you don't want to do, but if you ever want a romantic/sexual relationship, at some point you're going to have to actually DO what that entails. There should be no shortage of guys willing to help you out with that, but it's up to you to determine the difference between the guys who just want another notch on their bed post, and those who are genuine. Both want sex, make no mistake about that. It's just a matter if if that's all they want or not.
     
  11. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    petiteaquarius1: ( cute name ;) )
    hmm..so what is preventing you from approaching men even with just a simple conversation? it doesn't have to lead to a full-blown discussion or date, but sometimes you can at least meet some great people that way and practice conversation skills and attracting the kind of attention that you want... sometimes just pointing out helpful things that they might not even notice can lead to a pleasant exchange.

    i'm partially epileptic, so i do have problems in public sometimes which, for example prevent me from staying out as long as i'd like to, and sometimes when i try to approach women things just go terribly wrong. it's kind of awkward, but i've gotten used to the disappointment :) throughout the dissapointment though, i know that there are at least a handful of people in each crowd that may be sensitive to my situation, as well as handfuls of others that are sensitive to other people's situations. it's just a matter of finding out who can deal with what really.. i think we've all got our own "problems" to a certain extent.

    and:
    "Any suggestions to stop me from being desperate and choosing the first a** that can't get anyone else to put up with his screwed up behavior would be very welcome !"
    i think you've just almost described me perfectly :p:p i can't tell you how many women are following me around warning others not to get involved :big grin:

    and in terms of judgement, just take it slow and don't let anyone rush you even emotionally (that's the kind of damage that doesn't go away easily) and don't take crappy advice that you don't like from anyone! especially from people named dr_jerkvorkian:p
    --bulkytaurus :)
     
  12. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    oops, and online dating:
    i wouldn't use free services, i've found a few oddballs on free sites and it feels like a waste of time for me because the people who usually use free dating services are doing it just for fun, whereas a person paying for that service actually has the goal of finding someone special (which sounds like what you are looking for)
    i've also attracted a few haters by using free services. there are quite a few women that like to play with my condition but can't take the burn when my mood swings in the other direction from the epilepsy.
     
  13. Mr. Technical

    Mr. Technical Welcome to America, Comrades. I think you will lik

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    A guy won't be "freaked out" at all. He might think its a bit strange to be a virgin in the sexual society we live in, but any man worth dating will respect you for it. I recommend staying away from online dating services, the vast majority of people on there aren't worth dating.
     
  14. michaele36

    michaele36 New Member

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    show some pics and let us decide. would u consider breat implants?
     
  15. petiteaquarius1

    petiteaquarius1 New Member

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    and:
    "Any suggestions to stop me from being desperate and choosing the first a** that can't get anyone else to put up with his screwed up behavior would be very welcome !"
    i think you've just almost described me perfectly :p:p i can't tell you how many women are following me around warning others not to get involved :big grin:

    and in terms of judgement, just take it slow and don't let anyone rush you even emotionally (that's the kind of damage that doesn't go away easily) and don't take crappy advice that you don't like from anyone! especially from people named dr_jerkvorkian:p
    --bulkytaurus :)[/quote] When I said "screwed up" behavior I meant possibly violent . Also thanks for replying .
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You need to get out there and date. You definately have self confidence issues, and I would recommend that you see a therapist to be your 'coach' as you work on this and get out there and start meeting people.
     
  17. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    she doesn't need a coach imo, that can sometimes lead to dependancy issues anyway. it doesn't sound like a confidence issue to me, especially with the way things work relationally. men are "supposed" to approach women. if anything, she's just playing along with the crappy rules of the game. it just sounds like she's happy with her independance, but still wants to start a family.
    dating sucks anyway, i hate going out with people that i know i have no interest in. i actually fell asleep on one several months ago, and i was having simple partial seizures the rest of the time. lol i was bored out of my mind and i felt like bolting up and sprinting out the door to my car but i started hallucinating that she was wearing a really cute pink polkadot bikini.
     
  18. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    well yah, most aquarians i know are pretty tolerant towards screwy behaviour :p violence is just bad though
     
  19. thatoneguy

    thatoneguy OT Supporter

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    may I make a "bad" suggestion? and this will go for all virgins, regardless of age.

    I think everyone out here will agree...the first time you have sex might be the most powerful thing in your memory. but regardless of your feelings and memories about that night (or afternoon, or lunch, or church service) chances are VERY GOOD, that the actual act of sex.....sucked.

    one or both of you were WAY too interested in the destination, and forgot to enjoy the journey. and once you got there.....you'd never been there before, you didn't know your way around, and before you knew it you were on the plane coming home (losing your virginity is like going to vegas for the first time)

    I could care less about the virgin boys out there.....your equipment works, regardless of the situation, and your pleasure is hardly important (you can do it better, later, solo....right?)

    but for the ladies out there who have not "been with a man" I ask you to do this one thing.

    MAKE YOURSELF CLIMAX. RIGHT NOW. Drop the mouse (or pick it up if you're into that sort of thing) and GET TO WORK.

    If you can't please yourself......you will never be able to get your man to please you. and that's what sex is for......the pleasure of both partners. well......actually it's really for the pleasure of the girl....the penis only know temp, pressure, and friction.....otherwise it's pretty stupid.

    If you are really concerned about the issue, find out from your girlfriends which guyfriend was really giving in bed...but not necessarily dateable material.

    that guy might just be a smooth operator, and using that talent for his own ends......but if can do the job right, and you aren't gonna be serious with him (you'll have to play that lie by ear, ladies) that's his baggage to deal with.

    ....especially if he wonders why HE was the one night stand.
     
  20. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    petiteaquarius1, go to this event, there will be about 20 guys to every girl, I promise that you will get a lot of attention. Read some things about BMW cars and just tell these guys that you are an BMW "enthusiast". They will be fawning all over you.

    http://www.bmwcca.org/

    http://www.rmcbmwcca.org/home.htm
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2006
  21. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    i think that's good advice and all, but your approach is waaaay off base. you assume all guys are as dumb or insensitive as you think they are, which isn't the case. at least not all the time. i, myself, am quite finicky and communicative in bed for a guy. (even if it has nothing to do with what's going on... ermm....)
    i especially like the "please yourself" part. i know i had some popcorn around here somewhere...:drama: :beer: mmm. kettttle corn and black n tan for breakfast

    and for the record, you sound unusually feminine. are you just lookin' for that one guy? ;)
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2006
  22. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    LOL, That is so true!! A lot of them are single too wink wink lol....
     
  23. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    and chances are they are well off too, huh ;)
     
  24. thatoneguy

    thatoneguy OT Supporter

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    yes, most guys are that way. I know, i used to be the doormat that hung out with them.
    and nope, i'm cool. I lived the nice guy life and died the nice guy deaths for 25 of my 30 years.

    even seen best friends? i was that guy (but i wasn't fat) I was the friend, the hang out guy, I was never the "serious dating potential" guy.

    then, a year or so of being an asshole to most of the world, opened up a whole new cadre of girls that liked me, because i was LESS of an asshole to them. add that to my technique, and word moves quickly.

    but alas, those were my younger days.....now that i'm married I can only try to teach the others.

    (you ever try to have sex during church and NOT get caught? it's damn near impossible)
     
  25. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    yeah, ok guy.. i think you are either a guy that's on crack, or a really hot woman. take your pick (but you can only admit to being one)
     

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