SRS Realizing you dated a whore for over a year...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ia_cox, Feb 23, 2007.

  1. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    sucks. Especially if she was your first, imo. I hate that I allowed myself to be disrespected like I was, and I hate that I still want to be with her. I hate that she can use me and then toss me away when someone interesting comes along, hurting me in the process, and then come back to me when she needs support, and me still wanting to give it to her (I've gotten better and not allowing her to bitch about her problems to me). I hate that I'm still emotionally tied to a selfish whore, a golddigger who only wanted to fulfill her own needs, and not mine.
    I hate that the future that we had begun to plan out together still lingers in my mind. I hate that now she is fine with out me and I'm still feeling the loss. I hate that she was weak enough to not end it with me before trying something out with another guy, and I HATE that I allowed myself to be used so bad; and I hate that I still love her. I realized last night....honestly let it sink in, after reading some old conversations and putting things together, that she truely is a whore. It was something that I told myself just to make me feel a bit better...but I see now her cunt truely controls her more than my penis does me. She used sex to try to get back with her ex, she used sex to control me, she pressured me to lose my virginity six days after we started dating (pressured, but didn't force. I went along with it). God, I just wish I could have found someone a little less selfish for my first, because now I'm thinking no relationship with any woman is a good thing.


    This had no point, just rambling.
     
  2. 311-420

    311-420 New Member

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    dude..i've walked this path just like you and everyone else. the first girl i slept with and had feelings for broke up with me 2 weeks after i lost it. girls can be cruel, but so can we. i had dreams about her for months after this happened, all the while still in love with her. it sucks...prolly more than anything except losing a relative. you'll get over her man.

    im gonna give you the most important piece of advice for this kind of situation. find another girl. that simple. once you do this, you'll quit worrying about her and what the hell she's doing and you'll lose those feelings for her that seem so strong now.

    be strong dude, you got this shit!
     
  3. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    mod edit: Because it wasn't helpfull and didn't contribute anything. :hsd:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2007
  4. Don Ganja

    Don Ganja Drunk Driving > *

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    On the plus side you know exactly what to look out for in the future.
     
  5. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    wibble wobble I'll make you hobble:rolleyes:
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Been there, done that. It can be good for you in the long run though because hopefully it will teach you to never put up with anyone's shit again.
     
  7. Schadenfreude1

    Schadenfreude1 New Member

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    Just about everyone has been there, and you are making the samw mistake we did: identifying your selfworth through another. You must have did something to make her cheat... or what kind of person am i to make someone feel as though they can do this to me? Am i so worthless that i can be used and disposed of?

    Fuck that. The fact that she has issues with fidelity is HER pathology, not yours. Don't let this start a vicious cycle of distrusting future partners... it will lead to this happening again and again. Take it from one who has lived it.
     
  8. Diesel Fumes

    Diesel Fumes Guest

    80%+ of girls are whores. You will learn this. Just think of the past year as a good time, don't dwell on it and realize that she is just one of so many girls you could be dating. You're young and only learning. Just be glad that you never knocked her up or something.

    Relationships with women can be a good thing, but looking back on my life, I wish I had avoided girls during my early adulthood because really, they will hardly ever have the same intentions as you do. They think differently, have different priorities and most of the time just get in the way. Take a year or two for yourself and see what it does to boost your own confidence and you will learn what you can tolerate in a girl. And don't let yourself be used again. If you think you are being used, get rid of the girl before you make a decision you may regret.

    Any real man has been there. It just so happens that guys are a lot the same, but we can't really tempt girls like girls can tempt us. You'll be alright mate.
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    This whore bit is not healthy, helpful or even reasonable. Getting angry and throwing around 'whore' may make you feel better, but its not helping you get over her.
     
  10. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    I disagree actually....I find it has helped me. I was just emo when I wrote that the other night. I want no serious relationship with someone like the person I'm finally seeing her to be. Someone that will use someone and just toss them away when something interesting comes along. It's been hard for me to get out of that cycle; I probably have some sort of psychological issues going as well. But seeing her as a whore takes away all desire that was left to ever be involved with her again.

    And to say she wasn't a whore....well I guess that's questionable. Her behavior/ relationships with guys tells me that she definately likes the ego boost from sex, if not just sex itself. I dunno
     
  11. 311-420

    311-420 New Member

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    good! get mad at her!

    but dont call her!!! and if she calls you, dont answer!
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    It may make you feel better momentarily, but the person you are hurting by reacting with anger and hate is yourself. Judging her in chauvanistic, mysogynist ways is not the way to get over her.
     
  13. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    Complete truth.
     
  14. AlcoLOLic

    AlcoLOLic New Member

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    You go from calling him a penis packer to this? Schizoid much?

    Anyway guy, the best advice on this thread is to get out and DATE. Find another woman who is much better to you. They are out there...until then this one is going to have some serious control over you. Surely she realizes this.
     
  15. Martinj

    Martinj New Member

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    Seen Anger Management? Being all kind to everyone is hurting yourself. You can't treat everyone well regardless what they do to you.
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Looking at her like this is part of the recovery. Eventually you're going to want to be able to understand her and have some compassion for people who are truly quite a mess. Some people just can't make it in this world if they don't live their lives a certain way. You don't have to forgive her. She may not be living the way you think is appropriate or good for her, but it is her choice and might be how she keeps herself sane.
     
  17. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    I have dated, I actually met a girl who's really good to me. I'm holding off getting too serious right now with her to make sure I'm not going to severly hurt her; and plus I'm liking the freedom I'm having. With response to Martinj, I know there's a line between being a good guy to people and being 'too good' and harming yourself. And I think I'm guilty of crossing it a lot, I dunno. I'm not trying to justify my behaviour but I'm going to head to a counselor next week and try to sort through some issues I'm having, that being one of them.
     
  18. Martinj

    Martinj New Member

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    I know it feels sometimes, cuz I am way too good onto borderline stupid
     
  19. AlcoLOLic

    AlcoLOLic New Member

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    Sounds like you're making some real progress. Cognitive therapies are a great way to begin.

    Congrats...
     
  20. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    sucks dude. What works for me right now since I just broke up with my gf last week is telling myself things like:

    No matter what I do, I will have feelings for her... So the best thing is to block her out of my life so that I don't have her on my mind, OR when I do see her or talk to her, I can just assure myself that things could never be the same between us and there is no real chance for anything good to happen, so I should just be a friend to her.

    Basically you have to come to the realization that your feelings won't go away, however just because you have those feelings doesn't mean you can't act a certain way, such as being uninviting of drama and distant from her in general. Toughen up and keep your goals in mind, don't let your stupid feelings get in the way of what you need to get done in order for your life to improve and for you to move on.
     
  21. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I'm not suggesting that you be nice to her and let her tread on you. It sounds like it is good the relationship is over. You have here however, an opportunity to learn something and have a better relationship next time... and if mysogynistic slurs and anger are all you take away from the relationship, then your next one is doomed as well.

    You can use anger to get over hurt. But then you still have to get over the anger, later. Your goal is to accept the situation without hurt or anger. That is what you have to do to 'move on.' So don't embrace the anger. Overcome it. It sounds like the counselor is a good idea, and this will probably be the goal of your therapy.
     
  22. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I would never complain about this in OT, but I hate when you guys do this. This just isn't true. I think everyone can be a bad person with the wrong person and everyone can be a good person with the right person. Obviously from the OP if he felt pressured 6 days into the relationship why was he in the relationship for a year? He was searching for something that was never going to be there. Just setting himself up to get hurt. Unfortunatly, this girl played on his inexperience and insecurity with women, but not every female is like this. And yea, I will agree that younger girls are the worst because they are confused about who they are and somehow a lot of them act out by being drama queens and "hussies."
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    He's just venting. Time and distance will show him it isn't so.
     
  24. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    I went and saw a psychologist today, and it jogged back into my mind the compassionate side of me. I realize the name calling is going no where but making me feel and seem more like an asshole, which I'm not. This girl deserves the title of "selfish" and "immature", but not whorish. She's only had sex with three guys, and those three were all in long, committed relationships with her.
     
  25. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    I agree with setting myself up to get hurt; if I knew what I know now then :hs: I would have seen never to get involved. However, I did, and learned a bunch, and am now digging myself out of the mess I'm in at the moment.
     

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