SRS RANT RANT RANT :ugh:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Clix, Jun 27, 2006.

  1. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    So like broke up with my ex bout almost 3 months ago. I fucked up I know what I did but she still had feelings for me and made herself break up with me. So like I spend a night with her all our feelings come out, next day she denies it angerly. We dont talk for about a month.

    One day she IMs me at 6:30AM telling me shes sorry about so much. Im shocked dont do nothing about it. A week before this I joined the army. So like we just kind of chit chat and whatever. I still love her and as much as its stupid too I still do. So like a couple days pass we talk again. Chit chat, few more days pass she asks me about a computer problem she has (ive been fixing her comp for like 2 years) im having a shitty day on unrelated issues. I tell her to gimmie some time ill figure it out, tell her im more than happy to help yadda yadda yadda. She tells me not to worry bout it she will go to a guy her Dad knows. I tell her good luck and bye. Later get back on and not more than 2 seconds later she IMs me telling me she knows what happened and stuff, I check out what she finds tell her thats not it but hold on while I look thought some stuff, start to try and diagnose the prob and again she tells me nevermind that she will just go to that guy. Im frustrated and whatever. Find out later from a friend I was pissing her off becuase I was trying to help.

    I say what the fuck ever im having a shitty day. So like I still have alot of feelings, after talking to family and stuff about it. I write her this email tell her that this isnt working out. We cant be friends becuase of how I feel about her. I tell her that unless she gots something she needs to tell me that this is it pretty much and we will just see however it goes.

    I wasnt expecting her to say anything, she gots a new b/f and stuff and according to her friends seems happy and whatever. So today I get on and notice she is on but dont think much about it. Ive been training my mind to when im not on the computer to not check her away messages/ect all the time. So she IMs me telling me we need to talk. Im like ok but I dont want to becuase I have feelings about her she doesnt share to my knowledge. Anyways we kinda chit chat about a couple things then shes like I dont think we can be friends either but you are still dear to me and I want to been in contact and know how you are since you are going to the army. I tell her just dont know. I tell her short and sweet how I feel about her and that I dont think I can stay in contact with her becuase of what ill be wanting to tell her and stuff. So like you know on AIM where you can see if they are typing or not. She types for like 5 minutes then when she finally sends something its that she has something she has to go do and asks when ill be around so we can talk later. I tell her fine, then like I dunno I lost it again. I started to cry and just was coating the walls with how I was feeling. I ended up writing her 3 pages of some stuff. Told her that is all I need to tell her. Although I think best when I run and I went running after I sent the 3 pages and came up with a couple other things I need to tell her. Anyways I left in the email that if she still wants to talk then ill be here and we can talk.

    Anyways I think ive pissed her off when she reads what I wrote her. Becuase in spite of all the shit that has happened I feel it in my bones she still feels something for me otherwise she wouldnt want to talk to me, shes just be like meh. That and some other things.

    I dunno im getting tired of this crap. Ive talked to professional help, lady I see has told me that im not delusional about if im still in love with her or just the thought about it, unless im lying to her (which im not, wouldnt serve any purpose for me to lie especially since im paying her for her time) She told me that I need to tell my ex everything I feel about her, hold nothing back but if I do that then I need to be prepared for the consequences that if she just cant take me back that I have to deal with it. Or she told me to hold my feelings inside and cut all ties to my ex and hope for the best.

    Anyways hope you enjoyed my rant! Stayed tune for tonight when part 2 maybe gets concluded!

    edit: Honestly I think she scared she sees a future with me but afraid im going to fuck up again. Its understandable but its not going to happen. I love her to much and ive gone though to much shit to get my shit straightened out to fuck up again.
     
  2. kackel champion

    kackel champion faces always are changing lies and disguise for th

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    yo pauly shore...you're in the army now.

    long distance relationships suck

    the end
     
  3. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    You're a fucking idiot.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    No contact sounds best for now - you probably need some time away to see if what you want is actually her or the comfort of having her around because you know her (they're two different things). You didn't elaborate on how you 'fucked up', but have you taken steps to change yourself so that you don't have the motivation to do so again?

    The other poster may not have tact but he does have a point - long-distance relationships are hard enough on healthy relationships with two stable and committed people. If you're shipping out soon, this should be a serious point for consideration. You may find that despite your best efforts, she's not strong enough to wait for you - especially considering that she's dating another guy right now. Do you really want to pile that kind of heartache on what you've already gone through?
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Clix, why do you keep ignoring the advice everyone has given you?
     
  6. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I took the advice. We didnt talk for a month. I didnt talk to her, I didnt talk about her to any of our mutual friends. The only thing remotely close to talking with anyone close to her was her mother becuase she emailed me out of the blue asking me how I was and stuff.

    Its not I couldnt go thought it again, its ive gotten to a point where I wouldnt let it happen again. Ive found my mistakes and ive taken the steps to correct them.

    As far as a long distence relationship I dont know whats going to happen. I told her we cant be friends, she agreed, I told her she I still love her in spite of everything, she told me she still cares about me.

    For the record I didnt contact her first, everytime we have talked she has been the one to contact me.
     
  7. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Also ive been at my moms in IL (shes in TX) for the last month. Just for the record. Its not like ive been in proximity with her, im 1000+ miles from her.
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    But the fact is that you answer the email/IM/phone the minute she wanted your attention.
     
  9. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I was being polite. I would only chat with her maybe 5 minutes then id leave or something.

    All she does is IM me when im here, she doesnt email me and everytime shes asked if I would call her ive declinded. Its not like im being a damned lap dog sitting by the phone waiting for a call.
     
  10. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Buddy. Shit just can't happen without completely starting over. My ex and I have been going back and forth up and down in circles for the past 5 fucking months. We won't talk for a few weeks, one of us will say some random bs, we'll hang out, we'll be cool, we'll hang out again and shit will hit the fan, we'll say never talk to me again, and rinse and repeat. Thank the fucking LORD she is moving 6 hrs away in about a month for at least a year. If we are to have anything happen between us again, it will be if/when she moves back here after we've had a 1 year+ break from eachother. We'll of both moved on by then, both probably had other people without either of us being around/influencing shit and if we're both single when she comes back around - I'm sure we'll both go 'hey..haven't seen you in forever, let's get somethin' to eat and catch up on eachother' and so it'll begin again. Or we'll completely forget about eachother and we'll both most likely end up in the same position with 2 completely different people again someday.

    Relationships fucking suck is about all it comes down to. If it isn't with an ex, it's pretty much a ticking time bomb with a current until you get to be of a certain age where you can be the respective father figure in a woman's life, and the woman actually knows what the fuck she wants.

    Just go off to the army and don't talk to her - when you come back if you and her are still around and both single and want to catch up on eachother - go for it then and see what happens.
     
  11. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    lol thats what I wanted to do. She talked to me after I joined. Hell im trying to get my recruiters to push up my ship out date from the 17th of july to anytime sooner.

    I sent her an email, depending on where that goes ill talk to her. If she blows it off then thats fine ill just pretend it didnt even happen, if she somehow she wants to maybe start things over or begin to get to know each other or something along those lines other than just want to know im not dead in the army then so be it.

    I laid out my feelings to her, I told her I have nothing else to say to her becuase she knows exactly what the hell is going on with me, how I feel, and what I want accomplished and the ball is in her court and nolonger in mine. I told her that unless she has something to tell me pretaining to what I have told her then we see how things turn out, I.E. we wont talk for a long while or something. Eitherway if I dont talk to her shes gonna know how I am. 1/2 the people im writing to are our mutual friends that she talks to on a daily basis so its hard avoiding flat out no contact.
     
  12. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    it's ok if it's not flat out no contact. It's the subject matter. Like today I got a random text from my ex saying "blah blah blah i can't get off for this wedding I wanted to go to for the first and my date (her most current ex, the one she dated after me) didn't even give a shit when I told him I can't make it" So i was like 'umm ok..i really don't give a fuck if he makes you unhappy..so why are you telling me?' and she blew up saying she never wants to talk to me again and fuck all the few plans we had with eachother and some other ppl before she left and i can have fun doing whatever the fuck i want.

    What i'm pretty much saying is this - if you want to talk about how you're doing, how life is going, etc etc that's fine, you'll be fine - hold an online friendship that's not personal and distant and see where you two are when you come back into the picture. But if you're going to talk about stupid fucking bitter bullshit like my example above, with current dates, or recent ex's, or how you miss this and that about eachother - it'll never rest and when you come back you'll STILL be in the same fucking spot with the same feelings.

    If you can't talk to her without having it involving relationship feelings, then trust me, don't talk to her at all and when you come back, if she's around and single and you want to see how she's doing - shoot her a message. I don't really care how bad of terms you guys left on, if you take serious time apart and one day ask an ex out to eat to catch up on eachother, I 99.9% guarantee they'll accept, since they'll be over you and will have put all the past bullshit behind them and just be happy to hear from you again.
     
  13. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I hear you bro, I really do. Feelings didnt come up until she started telling me she wants to keep in contact cuase she still cares about me yadda yadda yadda.

    First couple times we talked I was fine, I held my toungue and I just looked at it as whatever but dont think much about it. Then she talked me again, and again. Then she told me even though she left me on a clusterfuck of a note and knowing I still feel the same way about her shes all like I care about you and want to know how you are doing. I lost it then. I couldnt keep my feelings down anymore so I wrote her a short email and was like I feel this way, I cant handle you becuase how you make me feel, and that unless you got something to talk about concerning this then its whatever but im going to the army and not to be rude but I probally wont write you as much as I want to.

    Then she talks to me again while me expecting her just to be mad at me for the email but instead she comes at me again telling me she wants to know how ill be doing and wants to hear news. I mean her mom wants me to write to her and my ex is all like well if you cant write to me I understand but just make sure to write my mom so I know whats happening. She even acknowledged that becuase of past relationship that she thinks if maybe its possible to be friends she thinks it would take years while im at I dont think it could happen.

    I mean right now I cant even ask whats going on with her. I asked her about school and she got all defensive with me. Im just like FUCK it was just a question not like I asked if I could kill your family. I mean when we first started talking, first thing out of her mouth was she was sorry for the last night we spent together. Im like well thats fucking great.

    I dont know what the hell she wants, she talks to me like she wants to be friends, then she talks to me about how she feels about me. I asked what she would like me to do about the who staying in contact. She told me she wants to know whats happening with me becuase im still dear to her.

    Im so confused, and I dont know what the fuck is going on is mainly why I wrote her the email about how I feel. I want to know what the hell is going on because I dont want to be following a bread trail that leads nowhere. Like in the IM when she says something it makes no sense. Like out of nowhere when I asked what shes like to see done, she tells me how she feels, then it like, "im just letting you know things from my point. i havent done that much" WTF does that mean? I asked her point blank she avoided it. I understood the things from my point, but what does the "i havent done that much"

    I just love girls :hs:
     
  14. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Well..idk what to tell you. You're probably looking into shit too much. Of course she still cares about you. Shit if you were together long enough that you had a big impact on eachother, she could tell you that she loves you everytime you see her/talk to her - but love and 'in love' are two complete different things, and you know damn well girls throw that fucking word around too much to confused men. Whether it's because they can't help it, or because they like confusing people I don't fucking know, but at times it seems like a bit of both - you just have to be above it and say 'hey i care about you too thanks' and leave it at that.

    She sounds at about the stage my ex is. Every fucking girl flips their mother fucking lid around 18 yrs old and it lasts anywhere for a few months, or many keep it up until they are around 23. I mean look at your situation. She wants to know what's goin on and shit and you ask her a basic question as "hey so how's school" and she flips the fuck out on you like you just tried sneaking into see if she's got a new boy interest or something - absolutely insane.

    Stop leaving the decision up to her. Tell her you are under enough stress and she's just adding to it, and you won't talk to her anymore until you get back from basic, and only do it if you're completely over her and curious to see how she's doing/where she is.

    My ex so wonderfully told me the other night how many times she got her most recent ex off on his birthday. I mean WHAT THE FUCK lol. Yeah we were starting thinking about getting back together, and sure we can ask what we've all done with other ppl in between the time we had off from eachother, but to just blatantly blurt out how many specific times in one fucking day? Jesus christ lady, get a mother fucking clue and gain some god damn respect - you're fucking nuts.
     
  15. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    First email I sent her I told her that. I told her that between the army and just other life issues im dealing with I couldnt handle her. Although I prob shouldnt have left it up to her if she had something to say to talk me, but it happened. It doesnt matter really, I dont know what the hell is going though her head, I just want some clarity. Just something so I know that I wont be getting out of basic or the army looking for something.

    I know she cares about me, its how she says things. I could just be reading into to much, but just something there keeps nagging at me. Eitherway I doubt it goes any further for awhile. Who the fuck knows...
     
  16. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Just focus on your army thing now. As you said it doesn't matter, so let it not matter. Don't think about her until you're back. Move on. If you truly want to be able to start a new relationship with her someday you need to realize it won't be until you've moved on. If you're just going to sit and think about her or plan on looking for something after you get back the entire time, you won't of moved on, and it will have a 100% fail rate.

    So is this an obsession where you can't/won't let go or is it genuinely wanting to be able to give things another go around if it's right when you get back? Your choice. Make it.
     
  17. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I dont know what it is. When we stopped talking, I let it go, I pissed and moaned but in the end I let her go, I didnt try to do anything about, I didnt try to keep psuhing my way in.

    I only said looking for something when I get out becuase I dont know whats going on. Just know I know her and how her mind thinks (although she could have completely changed but from talking to her not to much). Who knows. She told me she wanted to talk later right after she hastily left. She hasnt talked to me since so if anything she gots something to say im sure ill hear about it in a next few days or something.
     
  18. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Well look where that got you. No contact means no contact for a reason.
     
  19. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I cant help when im on my computer surfing the internet and she IMs me. She waits until I come back from away. Shes the one who wants no contact and I didnt but I did it anyway becuase I knew I would just be miserable. After a few weeks I got used to it and just let things be cuase I was getting my shit together.

    I didnt ask her to talk to me. Dont tell me about no contact. Becuase I still care about her im just not going to ignore her. Like I said shes asked if I would call her on the phone and ive declinded becuase I knew becuase of myself it wouldnt work.
     
  20. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Clix, you're purposely being stubborn. Look at what you are saying. You can't help it (contacting her) when she IM's you? Give me a break and accept some responsibility. Was someone holding a gun to your head and telling you to respond? No? Then you should not have responded.

    She initiated no contact? Then you have even more reason to not answer her. She discarded you and now contacts you whenever she wants attention. STOP!
     
  21. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Look man I cant be rude to her. Its not the person I am. Like it or not im not an asshole. I told her straight out that all I want to do to tell her to go fuck herself but its not me and I cant.
     
  22. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    How is that being rude to her? Give me a break man! Where is your self respect? Where is your self confidence? SHE dumped you and then pulled a no contact on you. How is it rude to her to cut her off completely when she did that to you first? Jesus man! Don't you think you deserve better than this?
     
  23. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Its fucking rude for her to IM me and I just not respond. My self respect is the fact that althoguth we might talk I dont let to any further than chit chat on AIM and if it does then I either end the conversation or something along those line.
     
  24. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Perhaps you should remove her from your IM list to remove the temptation.
     
  25. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I dont have the temptation of anything. She talks to me. Ive yet to initiate a conversation with her.
     

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