I'm not attractive enough to get ass without a lot of effort, and I act like such a little bitch sometimes it makes even me feel kind of nauseated, not to mention teh ladies. I don't want a lot of responses like "don't feel bad" because then I feel like I'm wallowing in self-pity and asking people to join in. I know the main problem is just confidence but how is it that some people just can maintain a certain relatively constant level of positivity? I am a / I'm definitely sick of this fucked up shit. What else is it, i.e. what else is there to say? I see all these guys who are obviously self-reliant, strong, kind of too macho, but still who don't give two shits. Then there are those people who are weak and they can even make a shitload of friends. One of the things is that I find everything so serious ... I am most at ease getting to the blunt truth of the conversation which is kind of a dialogue killer when it comes to small talk. Other than that, my father slipped and cracked his head recently. He's okay, but he kept wanting to leave the hospital, so they have strapped him down in his bed and drugged the fuck out of him. He's 78 and can't remember things all of a sudden and I'm thinking maybe you should stop drugging him to death. So I'm coming down from college to deal with the hospital p.o.s.'s. My younger sister is hysteric about the whole thing, mostly because she sees herself as the only one who can deal with the situation, which is kind of true, so she is 1/2 of the reason I'm coming down. Meaning I need to help her and make her feel better somehow. God I love her. My mom is smart but she's such a pussy in some ways and she is so disorganized that she can't get anthing done. There's a big fucking party in my suite right now and I left to yell about shit on offtopic. I'm sleeping over in my ex-girlfriend's room tonight because we are great friends. Don't worry, there's a futon - too much of the vag. is devoted to saying "move on, you are only hurting yourself and each other," so I thought I would preempt that garbage by mentioning we are both looking for other people to fuck and to date. More to say I guess but obbiously the is a huge post so I will bore y'all later.