SRS rant on vicious cycles, potential, etc.. with some hypothetical scenarios.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by glass, Jun 11, 2008.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

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    i broke off with a friend some time ago and realized something. i realized that without certain friends, a person can be much much less than what he normally is, and i begin to wonder whether i deserved that friend in the first place.

    imagine a scenario: person A is manic depressive. if he befriends and makes regular contact with B, he receives sufficient stimulation to use all his available faculties to their potential - he'd feel good enough about himself to finish school, get a job, talk to people at parties, volunteers at youth clubs, helps strangers out, and is an all around good (if not a little cheeky) guy.

    B, on the other hand, is not manic depressive - in fact B is perfectly well-adjusted and her life would improve only marginally (if at all) with A in her life.

    now, imagine they met. and the predicted improvements in A's life became manifest.

    - doesn't A relying on B being in his life constitute a dependency for A? (i.e. something undesirable)

    - if yes to the above, does it matter that despite being a dependency, the relationship leads to things neither could've accomplished separately? (i.e. the whole being greater than the sum of the parts)

    - instead of engaging B right away, A, having a lot of pride, tries to get himself out of the rut so that the relationship with B is more like "synergy" than "one-sided dependency". sadly, A constantly fails to break the vicious cycle (no stimulation - no output - no stimulation / no job - no experience - no job / no punani - no confidence - no punani / etc). how important is it to break the cycle before engaging B, if he can be everything he could if only B were in his life?

    - would the answer to the previous question change if there was a manic depressive C who, like A, could reach her full potential with A's help? (say A considered approaching C) is such a mutual co-dependency a good thing? (acceptable? would you live with it?) if it's not necessarily a good thing, is it still worth having? why or why not?
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2008
  2. glass

    glass New Member

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    i thought i'd share this anecdote:

    Fyodor Dostoevsky was always brilliant, but had some pretty big weaknesses - he gambled, drank a lot. the story is he met this girl and they made an excellent team. Dostoevsky dictated, Anna wrote; Dostoevsky did the creative work, Anna did the finances, publishing, distribution, etc. Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, all the great novels came after he met her.

    he was in debt and in trouble and generally much less the person he should've been, before meeting her, and after meeting her he managed to produce works of literature on the monumental scale.
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I define marriage as two people who together are greater then the sum of there parts.

    I am not sure if this is always the case. I think this might actually define a successful marriage more so then marriage in general.
    What it really is describing is what I was looking for in a wife.
    I was looking for someone who complemented my weaknesses in the same way I complemented hers.

    A couple of examples.
    I have a legendary ability to fail at bill paying. Seriously, don't trust me with your money. It isn't that I am not a trustworthy person. It isn't even that I am out to get you or anyone else. It is just that I am so bad with all things financially that sooner or later the finances will go so very bad.
    When we got serious, when we moved together I made a request from her.
    I wanted her to handle all bills. Everything. I wanted no part of it. In exchange I put my paycheck to direct deposit into her account.
    From then on I went to her for all my money needs. I have lived a life of much less stress.

    Now you can make the argument that I am not learning anything about finances. Fair enough. I argue back that at 35 years old if I haven't learned it yet... You argue back, 'what if she leaves you? What if she dies?'. You got me. I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'll be sure to send you a note that says, 'You told me so.'.

    Another example.
    When she got pregnant I asked her how she viewed herself raising the kid. As a working mother or a stay at home mom? She said stay at home.
    She put in her resignation at her workplace and I have been supporting both of us since.

    If you think of a relationship as becoming dependent on someone, then you are looking at it all wrong.

    We can't all excel in everything we do.
    We all have strong points.
    I am bad at finances, but I got a hell of a work ethic.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    That's the most awesome definition of marriage I have ever heard.
     

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