SRS Questions about life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Spaceering, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    So this has happened to me quite a few times already at the beginning of a relationship. This girl I met starts wanting to get to know me. She asks two questions. What do I want out of life? and What is my plan for the next 5 years? Now this girl is not the first to ask questions similar to this. In fact in the past I have been asked similar questions, and after I gave the answers things went bad and nothing came of the relationship. In fact this one girl asked me, and I said I was uncertain. At that point all communication was cut and to me it feels like abuse. I really do not feel that great when someone just quits answering texts and calls because of an answer I gave.


    What is it that girls expect to hear? The answer i want to give is that I am uncertain, because I am at the point in life where I am still reaching the peak of my career and I am not fully established.

    Should I just quit pursuing relationships until I know for sure what 5 years down the line will entail? Are all girls wanting such deep preliminary information from a guy? Part of me does not want to answer to avoid getting the cut off again, but I am so used to this already that it won't bother me if it happens again. I just want to do this right so that nobody goes out feeling the undesired feelings that may come
     
  2. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    There is a very simple solution for this: CONFIDENCE

    They want to know that you have some sort of motivation to be something in life. Most women don't want to waste their time with run down meat heads that don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

    You need to show them that you have drive, motivation, and WANT to contribute instead of just riding the wave as far as you can go.

    If you answer, I don't know, they will bail. If you seriously don't know, give an answer along the lines of:

    "I'm not really sure what I want to do: 5 years is a long time from now, but I feel that I would want to be doing something along the lines of [blank] and want to [fill in here]."

    That way you are still giving an unsure answer, which is where most people are, but are still giving specifics of what YOU DO. That's all they want to know: what do you do? If the answer is nothing, you might want to find something.
     
  3. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Exactly. Drive and ambition are some of the most attractive things to women and for many are a deal breaker. No girl wants to date the guy who's gonna work at McDonalds all his life, or that works a deadend job and never tries to advance.

    This girls are basically just screening you. They see that you have a lack of decisiveness and ambition, so they just end the relationship before it even begins. Granted it's pretty dick of them not atleast say it to your face, but that's how it is.

    So my advice, not only to improve your love life, but your life over all, is to start making some plans. Not to sound cheesy as hell but theres an old saying I got from my agenda in middle school: "A failure to plan is a plan for failure"

    But don't make up a bunch of plans you think will impress girls. Sit down and determine what you want out of life and make a plan for achieving it, by you're own standards.
     
  4. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    thanks, this re-affirms it. slapped some sense into me. now, lets see if i make it through the screen :eek3:
     
  5. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    i am now puzzled. I must add, this situation involved internet dating sites. So I send an email back to the girl, telling her that I plan to go to grad school which will take another 5 years, etc and I get " thanks for your honesty and good luck with grad school. It has been nice talking with you"


    what is up with that? how is this to be interpreted?


    I suppose this one didn't want drive or ambition? who knows, but to me i have found that 99.9% of chics that visit these sites want someone that is ready to settle down and be all serious and have family and all that mess
     
  6. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    how old are these girls that are asking you this? How old are you?
     
  7. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    the girls are normally mid 20s. i am 24
     
  8. Maximillion

    Maximillion New Member

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    Everyone wants drive and ambition... sounds like she was probably not all that interested to begin with.
     
  9. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    ok.... i was wondering if they were 18 to low 20s bc that would be sort of a weird question to ask.

    however women in their mid 20s to late dont want to waste time w. someone w. no goals.

    as far as the one that bailed on you after you mentioned grad school. she may be one of those that wants to settle NOW! so having to wait 5 yrs for you to accomplish your goals may have turned her away.
     
  10. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    I was thinking just that. The irony I found though was that she had this mentality of lets be friends first before it becomes serious. For some reason those always tend to have irony. if she wanted to be friends, then how would a 5 year investment of my own be a bad thing. you could be friends for a few years, or maybe she thinks the friendship is supposed to last 20 seconds then it turns to serious relationship time:rofl:
     
  11. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    oh also: the whole "its been nice talking with you" that pretty much means it is over?


    i am probably going to reply back with some small talk just because :eek3:
     
  12. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    when someone says lets be friends first (and they really mean it. not used as a way to tell you im not interested) they dont mean for a few years.

    at least i dont. its basically a way for me to get to know the person w.o committing to anything. then if i like them enough i will make it official.
     
  13. Ichabod Crane

    Ichabod Crane Active Member

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    it's over bro. don't whore yourself out by replying, keep some self respect.
     
  14. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    :ugh:


    This made me think, and you are right. I don't want this to continue since I got that response. The bad thing is, I continued the conversation, and she still answers back. Why would she continue to talk back to me if she already had said it was nice talking to you?

    But I am just going to respect myself and leave her be, even though I might never understand why she actually answered back :hsugh:
     
  15. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    She probably answered back in order to not seem inconsiderate, IMO.
     
  16. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    There are exceptions to this rule. My partner is working a dead-end job, but I don't care. He's happy with what he's doing. Most of the happiness in my relationship comes from the fact that on a daily basis, he can make me laugh so hard, my stomach hurts. He cooks wonderfully. Everything we do together, even the most menial, is enjoyable when he is around.

    I think that if a woman asks you a question like that (and you're looking for a relationship), you should just be honest. You should state your answer, but also ask her why she wants to know and clarify yourself according to her answer. For example, if you don't know where you will be in 5 years, it's not for lack of trying. You're just exploring the possibilities.

    If you tell her a lie, she will leave you eventually if she doesn't find something else about you she likes, or you may end up trying to live up to your lie and become unhappy.

    maybe she was a gold digger? do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that?

    is there some way you can contact this person again and ask her why she decided to end contact with you?
     
  17. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    could be. I decided not to put forth anymore effort. I was starting to get the itch that it was a scammer. Those sites have really obvious scammers sometimes but this person may not be so obvious. Normally the really obvious ones put pictures of this model quality girl, then they email you with talk that would really arouse a super desperate person. They automatically give you their email which for some reason is always yahoo :eek3: then if you decide to talk to them on yahoo, they do crazy things, like ask for money, or say they would love to hear your sexy voice, but you have to call them in africa using a 15 digit phone number. This response the girl gave me wasn't so obvious but it was almost borderline scammer. I am going to wait and see if she responds back to me when I never write back. Hopefully nothing happens.


    She probably was a gold digger.


    Also, these sites attract really insecure women upset at themselves. they just want to settle down and start a family and all that other stuff. All the cool people just get out in the real world and drop game and stuff and don't need online sites to do the work for them. I got a free subscription, so eh it is fun while it lasts.
     
  18. Hegemon

    Hegemon New Member

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