question and advice needed on girl situation

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by illmaticnyc, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. illmaticnyc

    illmaticnyc New Member

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    i know this has been done and said but maybe there are some things here that differ from your typical scenario. either way i really really appreciate the responses that you guys give on this forum. ill try to be clear.

    confidence. confidence is key. i am confident but im insecure in my own way. why? afraid of losing something. why? well my long story short, my dad died last year, i had a gf that totally made my ordeal worse. how? she cheated on me repeatedly during that time which i only found out later. we fought a lot. at my dads funeral all she did was bitch and complain that my ex was there. i broke up with her after that and all she did was call me, stalk me and beg me back for the next few months. this was literally a month after my dad died. so since then i feel like ive been burned. im afraid of loving again and to be loved. until recently....
    a co worker of mine and i have been talking a lot. its been a year since weve known each other and pretty much again long story short our feelings are mutual. shes told me she likes me alot, that i treat her better than shes imagined and feels this calmness around me. she feels happy. its very innocent and genuine between us. we talk a lot from about nothing to about everything. i havent had this level of comfort with anyone in a long time. i definitely feel myself liking her more and more. thats the thing. that scares the shit out of me. im so afraid to get into that only to get hurt. yea thinking about failure only sets myself up for failure but icant help it. not sure what to do. ok this is another twist. about 1 month ago she just got out of a 4 year relationship that has been dragging on for almost a year. he treated her like shit. the way i am with her without doing anything and just being myself to her is better than hes ever been. he is extremely disrespectful to her but we all know that once we reach a comfort level we tend to let things pass and hope for the best and hope for change. anyways, its clear that we like each other. she and i both know she has lots to sort out with her ex, her emotionns. pretty much i wanted to take things REALLY slow. go with the flow. i like that idea and so does she. im not rushing anything. im not asking her t obe committed to me. im not asking her t obe my girl. but we are slowly spending more and more time with each other. we hold hands every now and then, hug and peck but nothing more only cuz i told her i dont want to get invovled so quickly like that. and plus i dont want drama. i want you and i to start clean. she tells me so clearly how she feels yet she seems so unsure. or is it just hesitation. maybe shes just unsure but hesitant. i can totally understand that given shes been out of a relationship recently. we need time to sort things out.

    but my question is....what do i do in the time being? yea some might say fuck it and dont wait around but i like her a lot. i would wait for her. i want to. i want to be with her. i want to treat her right. spend more time with her. experience with her. at the same time this fear over rides me but i try to push it back given that one cannot go on in life feeling that forever. but whats my best way of making this happen? im not going to be pushy but nor am i going to be dormant and let things take its ride. i want to make it happen or at least set it up so that she WANTS to be with me very bad. do i remain aloof? poker faced? distant? im thinking if im too distant i will turn her off and make her fearful of me. the other day she says its frustrating her that i have such apoker face and ishow no emotion. what im doing is just triyn to ride things out slow and make it happen.

    its been awhile since ive even held an interest in a girl. and that is scary to me. :noes:
     
  2. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    Sounds like you probably have better communication with this new girl than you ever did with the ex.

    I agree with taking it slow, 1 month isnt much time to be out of a relationship, but then again she could have been mentally done with that relationship before they officially broke up. Especially if he treated her like shit.

    Is he completely out of her life? Does she talk to him anymore? That can make a big difference with your relationship. Not to say you'd be jealous of him, but it would still be in the back of your mind, and it'd also keep her attention from being fully on you.

    In my opinion I'd take it really slow for a couple months, try not to jump into a crazy sex fest right away hehe. Keep communication open on what you both want, what you're feeling, your doubts, everything. If either of you feel like they have to keep things from the other, it isnt going to work.

    On a side note, I dont get how some of you guys can date chicks who bitch about shit constantly. Like your ex and bitching at your dad's funeral. Just the fact that she would do that when you are trying to deal with your dad passing away...god I wanna punch her in the cunt. If you see any hint that this new girl starts to be pissy about crap, I'd either tell her not to be a whiney bitch cause thats what pissed you off about your last gf, or just drop it all together. (sorry for the side rant)

    Good luck
     
  3. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    I have friends who date the biggest bitches in the world, i have friends engaged and going to marry these bitches, I could never figure out how these guys could fall for such despicable monsters with tits....

    For the poster: I don't think you should necessarily 'run game' on her, you've both been through long relationships, you understand where each other are coming from...My only advise would be to not pine for her... spend good times together, but don't be her girlfriend/shrink/etc...Being able to handle a non serious relationship is the key to starting a long term one on the right terms...

    Sorry about your loss, good luck with everything......
     
  4. illmaticnyc

    illmaticnyc New Member

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    can you explain what pine means?
    and being able to spend good times and being able to handle a non serious relationship is key? just wanna hear an elabortation
    thansk man
     

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