Question about being "alpha" in relationships vs. single

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Ok everyone knows girls like guys who are independent, a "challenge," whatever. It's attractive when a guy has a backbone and can tell a girl "no," etc. Chicks will pursue single men who are like this.

    It's also good for men to maintain their backbone in relationships. It keeps them from turning into bitch pushovers like Angela's boyfriend Andy, on "the Office." He's a whipped little bitch who is engaged to her and still hasn't seen her naked despite the fact that she's still fucking her ex, Dwight Schrute.

    So.

    Say a guy is in a relationship but he's kind of a bitch. I see this a lot. Suddenly the guy grows some balls and starts acting like a man, telling his gf "no" and stuff. And then she gets all bitchy? What is that all about? Aren't chicks supposed to respond favorably to that?

    My friend's gf just left him (they lived together) because for the last 2 years he was a total bitch and let her run the show, and just recently he realized how much bullshit that was and started standing up to her, telling her "no," etc., and he just emailed me and told me she packed up her shit and left.

    And I bet she goes and gets attracted to another guy who embodies those masculine characteristics that she just left my friend for displaying.


    I need some clarification on this.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Some women like to keep a guy around who is a "bitch." When that happens they have all the power. If the guy suddenly grows balls they don't get their way it makes them mad because that is what that guy is meant for in their relationship. When they realize they can't control him any longer they lose interest in him.

    If they tun to a Alpha male next it is probably because they just want something different and maybe they are over the pansy :dunno: Pretty simple.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    but isn't the simple act of them NOT getting their way supposed to increase their attraction in a push/pull/neg sort of way?
     
  4. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Because if a guy suddenly goes from being whipped to being "alpha", it comes across more as him being a temperamental bitch than him suddenly growing a backbone. I'm sure plenty of women like the routine of having a subservient boyfriend...she did stay with him for two years so.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Not every woman is the same and can be put in some box of stereotypical ways.
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Hmm. Interesting point.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    his gf was a bitch anyway. i never liked her.
     
  8. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Because he set a precedent for his behavior/how he's going to act/be in the relationship, and it's probably more of a reaction [at least from what I've seen] to the sudden change. It's not that they wouldn't want him to act like that all along, they probably do, but when you get used to something/a certain dynamic in a relationship and it completely shifts, it takes some adjustment.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    2nd'ed. She still thinks of him as a bitch, so she percieves his actions as a in a framework of who she percieves him as. She has not come to think of him as a man and she doesnt respect him, so when he tries to stand up for himself she takes it as a bitchboy being difficult.
     
  10. Zackkahry

    Zackkahry New Member

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    I think those sort of women like trying to reign in the wild stallion that is the alpha. That's the attraction, the challenge. Once the alpha is broken, the women typically loses interest, as the 'game' is over. Being an alpha and neging isn't going to work in a relationship, but that isn't the goal of such tactics.

    On the other hand, you have women who are looking for a free lunch for as little effort as possible. Generally if you can walk all over a guy you can still go out and have fun (your office example).

    I probably didn't articulate that as well as i would have liked, but that's how i see it. This of course does not take into account women who are just attracted to confident men, as the woman in the OP doesn't seem like the type.
     
  11. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    push pull doesnt work by resistance. There is a huge difference between telling her you won't do what she wants (resistance) and telling her you are too busy with way cooler stuff to do what she wants (push pull)

    plus, if she has 0 interest of respect in you, push pull doesnt work anyway, because you can push all you want, but can't pull if she doesnt want much to do with you anyway
     
  12. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    The purely masculine figure, whether it be a man or woman, will run away when there's uncertainty if he/she will be hurt or not.

    A feminine figure who acts masculine as a protective front will welcome the idea of being treated like a woman by a masculine man. The feminine wants to love. The masculine wants to avoid being hurt. That's not to say most people's natural motivation is to avoid pain, because it is. There are just subtleties to it.

    Girls who respond to push/pull are feminine at heart but protect themselves by having the masculine barrier. But once you assume the masculine role she is comfortable.

    In general, obviously.
     
  13. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    they are attracted to a man who will run them but want to come home to a man they can run

    /paradox
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Oh that makes sense, because by actually growing a backbone, he's breaking the established framework of him being the bitch.

    Sounds like if you're a guy and you're a bitch in your relationship, and you want to get back to being more alpha, you need to make the change slowly, huh... so she doesn't notice drastic changes.
     
  15. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    My husband and I are on equal par. I don't think either of us are 'the boss' although he says I am, it means he doesn't have to worry about anything to organise anything.
    However if push came to shove he would do exactly what I ask of him and I would do exactly what he would ask of me. We would both jump through hoops for each other. We just don't abuse the power we have over the other. If you know what I mean.

    Too much and too little power is a relationship killer. Knowing when to assert your dominance and when to just ride it out, is key. Sounds like she wants a walk over and he isn't prepared to be one any more.
     
  16. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    There is also a difference between having a backbone and being an arrogant arsehole. Which I think is sometimes overlooked.
     
  17. 1BadZ

    1BadZ Uber :Aug2000: GM Nazi

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    Some women look for pushovers. Sounds like he's better off.
     
  18. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Sticking feathers in your ass doesn't make you a chicken.

    Maybe the guy thinks he's being a man but the girl just sees the same little bitch she's used to seeing only now he's playing pretend.
     
  19. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    It sounds like you're pulling that logic directly from the pages of PUA techniques. As many PUAs themselves have said, you can't always apply all of the same thinking to long term relationships. PUA is merely a way of getting yourself to the point of possibly having a relationship... not a way to run one once you're in it.
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    In my experience, women who would spend like 5 pages in a thread arguing how her husband doesn't look at other women tend to be the type of women who are really domineering and control the relationship. And those same types of women will come into threads like these and announce how they BOTH are on equal footing, when the truth is she is ruling the relationship while he just agrees with her to make her happy, but quietly understands that he is pussywhipped.

    In your case, he recognizes it openly:

    The sad thing about that dynamic is that both parties are living a delusion...a lie. The girl obviously dominates the relationship and a part of her resents him for it (in secret). The guy tends to be secretive about things he knows she disagrees with and a part of him resents her for it, even though it's HIM that is perpetuating the lie by not being more assertive.

    /Dr. Phil
     
  21. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    Not EVERY girl wants to be controlled. I have no desire to be told what to do or how to act, but my bf will stand up for his values if questioned. We found a middle ground, and both of us are in control. We're both strong-willed and that can cause problems sometimes, but for the most part it works. There are women out there who just want a generous man with a large wallet who will never question her purchases and just give her everything she wants. I see this dynamic every day in a lot of the wealthier couples in my area.

    Your PUA crap isn't gospel. It doesnt apply to every situation all the time. A lot of girls just don't want someone who's going to be a jerk, and your friend was probably perceived as a jerk for changing his actions.
     
  22. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]Viper's got it.


    [/FONT]
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    relationship is like a vase... while you're making it it's very easy to shape and form, but once the shape has set it's hard to make a change without fracturing it.
     
  24. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    wow... agreed 100%! written beautifully, if i might add :)
     
  25. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    Aquakittie, while that must make sense for women, I really don't think it's the case.

    The "good behavior" is not a conscious decision that we think is just going to get us laid. It's more about being afraid to take risks. So we play it safe. And as the relationship progresses and we are more comfortable, the true self comes through.

    So in some cases it is true that guys do it to get laid. But I'd say for the vast majority it's really just a correlation as the relationship progresses.

    I'm not just saying what I think, it's seriously what I have gone through a few times in the past 6 months. And I have been concerned with coming across like the "agenda" guy. Nobody wants to be that guy. So I make a point to stagger the type of dates we go on. One might be sexual, the other just fun, and another just connecting.

    The goal is an overall intimate relationship on all levels.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2008

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