question about a friends with benefits situation

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by jakeguard, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    ok, so it's been a veeery long time since i had gotten any action. a girl that i'm really close to just got out of an almost year long relationship about a month and a half ago. we were talking one night about how we were sexuall frustrated and decided that we would hook up. so the first night all we did was make out and i felt her boobs through her shirt. the second time we had been laying in bed watching a movie together and both of us ended up naked. i fingered her and she gave me a hand job. later she asked if we were "friends with benefits" and i could tell she didn't like that idea, probably because she thinks it will make her sound slutty. we were talking about the situation yesterday though and i asked her if she regretted it and she was very adamant in saying no. she said if she regretted it then she would tell me.

    i kind of want to have a relationship with this girl. i mean, i've been really close to her for the past 5 years now. i would be fine with the whole benefits thing continuing though and i definitely don't want to scare her off. how should i approach this? what should i do?

    cliffs: close friend (girl) for 5 years. we messed around twice, she doesn't regret it at all. i sort of want a relationship with her but would be fine with just keeping things like they are now. what do i do?
     
  2. Scott7

    Scott7 New Member

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    I'd say just keep doing what your doing...and just tell her that if she wanted more that you'd be there for her...but if shes fine with the way it is then ok
     
  3. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    hmm. i guess that could work. what if she gets scared or something when i say that though? i'm worried that she'll think i'm head over heels in love with her and want to stop the benefits entirely
     
  4. Scott7

    Scott7 New Member

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    I know what your thinking...maybe theres a way you can try to get the truth out of her without telling her how you feel...

    i'll think. . .
     
  5. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :dunno: i would say the sooner the better. if you want a relationship let her know. tell her that you don't want to be thinking "what if," and you certainly don't want to get your feelings hurt if she doesn't feel the same way, and that's why you're asking.

    if she doesn't feel the same way as you and you both feel that being fwb's won't cause problems then :bigthumb:

    communication is key ;)
     
  6. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    that's true. i guess the only thing i can do is talk to her about it. it sort of is almost like we're together right now. i love spending time with her and we talk most nights on the phone. we even kiss each other good bye.
     
  7. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    just be careful, and make sure you both lay out your expectations/intentions at the beginning.. you don't want one person getting attached to the other, and it usually ends up happening :hs:
     
  8. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    well that's the thing, i didn't lay everything out in the beginning. i'm already attached to her. i have a feeling she doesn't want a relationship with me. i talked to her on the phone a little while ago about how i was going to hang out with one of my friends tonight (a girl) who occasionally tries to hook up with me. while we were on the phone she told me to go for it :(
     
  9. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    oh boy :hs:

    honestly, I don't know what I'd do in that situation.. I'd probably just lay it out there and tell her how I felt, and gauge her reaction.. maybe she's open to something more.. but if she's not, then you need to figure out for yourself if you can deal with just being fwb or whether you need to move on to other pastures :hs:
     
  10. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    i can deal with just being fwb. im just worried that if i open up to her she might get scared and not want to do the fwb thing anymore.
     
  11. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    All good advice...

    You need to figure out what you want, first, now, before going any farther.

    If you just want an FWB, then you have one.

    If you want more, then you need to tell her, if you don't the guilt will only eat at you and make you miserable to be around, thus causing an end to the FWB situation, anyway. If you at least tell her and get it off you chest, the two of you may still decide that right now the FWB arrangment might still be best, and continue to do so.

    I've learned it's better to lay it out then to keep it bottled up, took me almost 28 years to realize this, but I'm much happier now that I follow this idea.
     
  12. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    well only you can decide if it's worth it. one way, you're guaranteed fwb. the other, you might lose it, but you might gain a relationship :dunno:

    good luck :)
     
  13. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    yeah, i just spent more than an hour on the phone with her. there were many times that i could have brought it up but i decided to do it in person. i want to talk to her about this face to face and i definitely am going to do this, as soon as possible. i'll let you guys know how it goes. oh, and there is a fairly big complication that i haven't mentioned but i'll bring that up at another time
     
  14. Pheanyx

    Pheanyx Guest

    This is compleatly off this topic: Where you live JakeGaurd? I know someone named Jake and is in he gaurd, just curious.

    On this topic: Do what you feel is right, honest is the best, curiousity only screws you over if you are rude about it, and if you want to be with this girl then ask her about it.
     
  15. I've had a few "Friends with benifits"....we mainly used each other as sex toys during the times when we were single and needed some...lol We had an understanding that there was no romantic future for us.
     
  16. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    i live in seattle. i'm not in the guard hahah, my last name is guard.
     
  17. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    we never worked out an understanding like that :o
     
  18. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    the very next night after i posted that we ended up talking about it. we were at my house in my bed and she made a joke about her parents finding out about "this." i asked what exactly "this" was and we started to talk. we both agreed that we had feelings for each other and that we wanted a relationship and that's what we have now. letting our friends know was kinda weird since it was sorta unexpected for a lot of them. i guess friends with benefits situtations really don't work, but in our case it worked out for the best. we're reall happy
     
  19. naughtie

    naughtie New Member

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    :wiggle:

    Yay! I am happy that this is working out for you! When you said she wasn't happy with the fwb status, I had a feeling she wanted more.
     
  20. jakeguard

    jakeguard Guest

    yeah, i really didn't know at that point. she's not a slut at all and sort of views fwb things as slutty, which i can understand. thanks for all the help everyone!
     
  21. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    :idhitit: Good to hear it worked out for you, had a feeling it would. ;)
     

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