SRS Pushing everyone I care about away

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Marmitha, Apr 14, 2008.

  1. Marmitha

    Marmitha Milk ftw

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    I've always been that girl that helps everyone when they need it. I've always put myself second and never really cared to do otherwise. But then it came back and bit me in the face, numerous times. But I never gave up on my closest friends. Yet I failed to recognize my bf, as he was the one that did everything he could for ME, and I kept pushing him away. Everythings over and done with, and now that all I have are my friends, I continue to push them away too. Maybe I just like needy people. My best friend, at least I considered her that at one time, doesn't even have a remote idea as to how I feel, its hard to talk to her about it. She just talks about herself and is getting more and more cocky by the day. Its hard to listen to her head get bigger, I can't see her being there when it really counts too. Then theres my cousin, who I've been very close with for the past 18 years, she seems worn out, and she also never tried to meet me half way in our friendship. So I'm alone, no friends. Maybe I'm too picky. I'm stuck here in this lonely rut. I don't need tips on how to make friends, I don't want to. I just need to know, what can I do to get my mind off all this crap, at least without sittng around at home all day. Everything, along with the guilt and hopelessness has really caused me to break. How do I just immerse myself in nothingness. I'm thinking I should start working out or something. Anyway, just needed to vent. thanks for reading. :sadwavey:
     
  2. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Going for a run is a great idea: i do it at least 3-4 times a week to get my mind going and to get my body ready to function for the day. It's a win-win situation.

    Pick up a nice hobby. Play an instrument, maybe collect something, or start writing. Get a journal and start putting all of your deepest thoughts into that book. Then, when you meet the person you are ready to open up to, you can give them that book and ask them to read it, or a few entries in it to give them an idea of how you really feel.
     
  3. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    When people complement you do you automatically think they must be lying? but feel good if you've worked at something really hard and just get 'good job'?
     
  4. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Your opinion of every person around you is negative. Can you name very many good things about these people?

    Typically, people who judge harshly and have nothing but bad things to say about other people often have very low self-esteem.

    Working out, getting a hobby, and finding a passion are all great things. However, until you learn to become more accepting of others and develop a higher opinion of yourself, you will not make any progress.

    I have stopped hanging out with people because of their negative qualities also. I can't stand to be around someone who talks about themselves continuously. Who can? However, when you realize that their arrogance goes hand-in-hand with their low self-esteem, judging fairly becomes much easier.

    Do not stop being social. Simply do not allow yourself to focus on the bad aspects of people, and instead focus on the good things in the situation.
     
  5. Marmitha

    Marmitha Milk ftw

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    yeah, when people compliment I think one of two things, 1. they're lying. 2. they have really low standards.
     
  6. Marmitha

    Marmitha Milk ftw

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    I have a lot of good things to say about everyone around me, I'm just tired of getting bumped to the back burner. I actually used to admire these people. My best friend, I always thought I was so lucky to be a part of her life. While my cousin, she was always there when it counted. Now things have just taken a turn for the worst. I figured things wouldnt stay the same forever, but I feel like everyone around me is changing and forcing me to do the same when I really don't want to.
     
  7. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    you could just be going through a lull right now. when you put yourself out there like that, you tend to burden yourself quite a bit and it can be overwhelming to the point you just need a break. since you know you try to help people, by pushing them away, you can give yourself that break you need. mind you, this may all be happening subconsciously.

    at least that's what used to happen to me. i was very much the same way, same scenario played out with one of my SOs, i felt the same way about my friends, felt lonely as a result.

    if you want to get over it all and rebound, find something you care about or have been wanting to do and do it. working out can be great, it's one of the things i did. once you find something(s) you care about or really want to do and start doing them, those previous feelings just tend to melt away.
     
  8. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    :rofl: i wish i had that lolcat picture where the caption says "nnnooo charles, stay outta my head" because it's like i'm reading about myself.

    had the same issue there, still sorta do. if it's someone who's opinion you value or someone you think has good tastes, then take it as an actual compliment. you're not as horrible as you think you are, so those compliments may actually have some weight to them and you should accept that.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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  10. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    I'd thought maybe it wasn't people around you changing, but you, and it being possible you were actually recovering a sence of self-worth from a place you had very little, thereby feeling entitlement to more respect and love. It reads as if you're completely over helping, and not being helped in return.
    Do you think there could be truth to that and it's causing you this frustration?
     
  11. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    "a thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become stranges" nas :hs: Understand that people do not stay the same, this includes you. I'm not sure how old you are, but that could be a factor as people are beginning to go into their prospective lives, they rely more and more on you for their advice and leave you with nothing as you head onward into your prospective life. So what do you do? You ignore it, hoping it will get better.. or you realize that you never really go to your friends for advice, so why should they expect you to now... so demand help. Shout a text, "hey, can u grab some lunch with me, life has been kinda hectic lately, and i need to vent" do not beat around the bush, but be blunt. :)

    get your mind off of it, that's not going to happen permanently, they are your friends, im sure you are in constant whereabouts with them, sure you can run, work out, find a new hobby to keep your mind away from them for that period of time, but what happens after the run? Exercising allows you to look at problems from a more relaxed position, but the problem still exists until you solve it. :hsd:
     
  12. Jcrash

    Jcrash 93.till.infinity-ing

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    Best thing you can do is just be there when they need you. It seems like you need them to be content. Try to be more independent, like Socrates said pick up a hobby.

    It's tough in TO but winter's almost over! When the weather picks up, hit the beach and get in some pick up volleyball games. Tons of cool people there. I dunno what to do when its cold out besides video games...

    From time to time try to setup an activity or dinner to simply "catch up" with things with your friend and cousin. If they don't bite, oh well.

    Fix what you can, accept what you can't.
     

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