Psychologically, Why do breakups hurt so much?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by WeRdToYoMoThA, Apr 29, 2005.

  1. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    I was thinking about this earlier...

    after a break up, we all go through some emotional pain, we keep thinking about the girl/guy, etc etc. it hurts, emotionally. why is that? After realizing that the relationship is over, realizing that you will never be with the girl/guy again, and that you NEED to move on from her, why do we still linger on the girl/guy that we just lost? what keeps us emotionally attached, despite KNOWING that it is futile to do so.

    As you all know, i just recently broke up with my girlfriend. i realize that i will never be with her again. i do not want to be with her again. yet i still cannot help but think about her a few times a day. why is that? why do i care about her even though she hurt me? have i grown attached to her after 1.5 years? even if i did, what keeps me attached?

    Discuss :hs:
     
  2. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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  3. nonplus

    nonplus New Member

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    because you're a pussy
     
  4. SkiMax

    SkiMax OT Supporter

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    you probably see things that remind you of her and it reminds you of the good times you've had... My girlfriend just broke up with me but it may be more of a break??? I was pretty shitty when i first thought that i might never be with her again but she still talks to me and says she loves me. she said she needs to find out who she is so I am hoping if and when she does that we can begin our relationship again. But I am thinking about her and i dont know if i should get my hopes up for the relationship to continue or what. The thought that we could get back together and make it work kind of helps me sleep better at night.
     
  5. SkiMax

    SkiMax OT Supporter

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    Im sure pretty much anyone thats been with a girl for a year and a half is going to be hurt after breaking up and also think of them. I dotn think its avoidable...
     
  6. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    but thats different. i KNOW that we will not be together. i dont want to be together. yet it still hurts.
     
  7. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Because it's a part of your life that isn't there anymore?
     
  8. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    that would make sense if i wanted it to be part of my life... but i no longer dont, so why does it still hurt?
     
  9. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    its not that she wont come back to you or you wont have her again.... just like the old saying "if you love something let it go free......if it comes back, its meant to be and shes yours...if it doesnt, then it wasnt meant to be"



    im not saying to sit around and wait around for her....but just let time do its thing.
     
  10. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I wish I had an answer to your question(s) myself.
    Going thru the tortures of the damned is hurt somewhere way beyond pain.
    I hope the old cliche of "time heals all wounds" works.
    Stay busy.
     
  11. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Because there are good times had with them that will never happen again.
     
  12. Ractoon

    Ractoon Shibumi in progress...

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    Disclaimer: Friday BS theory ahead

    Instinctually your purpose as a human is to reproduce. Relationships are the road to reproduction (solid road anyway). When you lose this though you have essentially lost a chance at something your instincts thought you had. So, of course it's going to hurt, it's nature's way of slapping you and saying "why the hell aren't you reproducing". But no worries, something better is bound to come along! Just have your time of greivance and move on, time heals all.
     
  13. Soldier101

    Soldier101 Member

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    I was with a girl for a year and a half and felt no pain after breaking up with her. I just came to terms with the fact that we weren't meant for each other and that I should be with someone else......I have no found the person that I can't see myself living without :) everything happens for a reason
     
  14. Incog91

    Incog91 Guest

    Quoted for Truth.
     
  15. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    it hurts b/c u're thinking of the things you possibly lack to keep her. you feel like you're not good enough for her and you want answers.
     
  16. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    this sounds like the most probable theory....

    however, its not pain about how i feel inadequate, its pain about the breakup.
     
  17. suprer

    suprer New Member

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    i thought you said you were over her you fucking pussy and a liar

    if she tried to get back together, you'd jump at the chance in a heartbeat



    and don't try to deny it. :nono:
     
  18. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    i wouldnt. i think back on our relationship and realize where i fucked up.... the things that happened and my inability to stand up and stop that shit. i look back, and realize that was fucking horrible. theres no way in hell i would ever go back to that.
     
  19. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

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    I think the craziest thing about break-ups/pain with them, is that when people talk about a "broken heart", it's nuts that your chest usually actually hurts where your heart is. I know it's subconcious that you think it's your heart, when it's actually your brain, but still :hs:
     
  20. naughtie

    naughtie New Member

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    Yeah, break ups suck. But you are young. You will get over it.
     
  21. RUchaps

    RUchaps Active Member

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    Many times, there's a loss of self-respect, self-esteem, and confidance. You start questioning yourself. Happened to me once.

    Also, anytime you lose a companion, there's sadness and loneliness b/c you share a mental connection with the companion that makes your life more fullfilling. Regardless of whether you lost your your dog, friend, or s/o.
    After i experience a breakup, eventually i come to realize that life still has all the things i love to do and i dont need the other person to enjoy them. Thats when i stop thinking about that person and go to the things that i enjoy.
     
  22. naughtie

    naughtie New Member

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    Good thing you put a disclaimer on that. It must be the second-to-stupidest thing I've ever heard. People who hate kids get their hearts broken too.

    And I say that in the most kindest, lovingest way possible ;)
     
  23. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    because you still have an emotional need from her that's yet to be satisfied. you have to tell yourself every day, truly believe it, that she has nothing you need. you have to look at her as a mistake, as someone who you were really incompatible with and the only reason you were with her is because you tricked yourself into thinking you loved her more than you actually did
     
  24. naughtie

    naughtie New Member

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    I agree with your mind over matter logic. However, I don't agree with trying to diminish the fact that he probably DID love her. A lot. If he gets over every relationship by telling himself he never really loved her in the first place, I think it would make it hard for him to love at all.

    Sorry about the totally ghey post. But I think it's true.
     
  25. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    i dont know if i loved her. there were times where i just had a smile on my face for no reason, other than the fact that she was there with me. there were other times when i was thinking about when i could get out of her house ASAP. :dunno:
     

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