SRS Professional Help

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kmartsbytch, Jul 27, 2005.

  1. kmartsbytch

    kmartsbytch New Member

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    I'm to the point where I really think I'm in need of professional help...

    While I've never gone to get help or be diagnosed, I'm pretty sure I suffer from depression and an anxiety disorder.

    My entire life I've had an anxiety problem. Growing up, I always had problem meeting new people, talking in front of groups, doing different things, etc. Because I'm worried what others think. I know that sounds like basic shyness or something, but it's more extreme than that. I avoid alot of situations because I'm afraid of how others will react or what will happen next. Examples: I've dropped a class because I was late on an assignment and was afraid of how the teacher would react. I left a guy hanging on a job interview even though I had an opportunity to become a manager and make quite a bit more money than I am now just because I was afraid I wasn't gonna be what he wanted. I walk around stores with certain items for long periods of time(sometimes approaching an hour) until I find a cashier that I won't be embarrassed take them to. Those are just some examples, plus a whole lot of other things. Basically, if I'm doing anything outside of my norm that may cause a reaction from others, anxiety kicks in big time.

    Also, I believe I've been fighting depression for almost five years now. Ever since my sophomore year of high school, I tend to get really down about alot of things, even if they're little things. In my mind, I want that perfect life although I know that it most likely isn't possible. Nothing ever seems to go right for me. I'm not who I want to be, and while I know only I have the power to change my life...I have that anxiety thing that tells me change is bad and I don't want that reaction from others. Eventually everything starts snowballing; whether it's the dysfunctional family, my lack of a social life, my school problems, my financial problems, the problems I have with who I am, etc...it just gets me really down. I see no point to this life. Go through all the work, all the problems, all the stress, all the other shit, and for what? So eventually you can get old, not be able to care for yourself anymore, and finally die and be buried six feet under anyways(yea, I'm not religious if you can't tell yet). Seems like a damn meaningless yet vicious cycle.

    I know I've probably gotten all the advice from others that you're going to give me now; workout, go to the mall, join clubs, don't worry about what others think, etc. I've heard it all before, I've tried it. But I'm afraid to even sign up for the YMCA because of how others will look at me, it's just not going to help.

    What I'm looking for is advice on how to seek professional help. I don't have insurance, and I don't have a bunch of money to be throwing about to some shrink. But I'd like to get help, if it takes medication or whatever, so be it. As long as it gets me on the right track. So is there a way to get professional help without worrying about it putting a huge financial burden on me?

    I really don't think I should go back to college this upcoming semester until I get my head straightened up as well. This last year(my first in college) I finished the year on academic probation. I haven't been very good in school since middle school the way it is, but I can't help but think some of this maybe fixed if I get help. But then it gets me to where I'm afraid what others will think if I do take the year off. My family has been real supportive of me through my first year, and always saying how they're sure I'll do fine and such. I know if I take the semester off, they're going to start thinking that I'm dropping out, and I really don't want to let them down, but at the same time, I don't want them to know why it is that I'm not going to school. And then there's the chance that even after I get help that I still may not have the motivation to resume school, and I just don't want to let them down and recieve the backlash for passing up such an opportunity. :/

    I don't know, I'm just really down and confused right now(as always). My life has no direction, no meaning, no nothing. It's just the same shit, everyday. And I don't know what to do :(
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What does it matter on eternity?

    Yes, ask yourself that question.

    Not much right? So why worry? Its like going to the dentist , you go thru that door alive, and yes it can be scary but you know you will survive.

    Even in the worst possible situation imaginable you going screaming thru the supermarket while being naked taking off an interview while doing flip flops is more going to cause a good laughter then a deadly outcome, even if that means that you'll spend a day in jail the cops and you are going to be an experience richer, and if you look at yourself then 'hey im still alive even after doing this'.

    You see people aren't going to eat or bite you or whatever, and trust me when i say you can't please everyone. There's 6 billion people on this planet who all think different about you, if they think bad about you then hey it's their problem.

    Now your issue is this 'fear' , it's a state of hell , its making you immobile to do things , talk to people yadayada. Bend your thinking into the following ' THEY HAVE MORE REASON TO BE AFRAID OF ME ,THEN I OF THEM' this will put you in state of being more couragous, and showing some spine.

    It takes some practise, there are reasonable cheap ways to do this. When you goto the movies, buy yourself a ticket, this way you'll have to talk to the cashier about what movie you want to see, it's a little convo but its a start. Next time when you are in a group of people, ask what the time is (don't bring a watch yourself of course ,lol) and i one time had 5 beautifull girls all grabbing to their wrisks , telling what time it was. Asking questions is a great way to start conversations.

    You have to be a little bit more 'what i call' Jamaican , relax man. Even listen to that kind of music if you have to. White people tend to stress themselves far more of things then these people do, although there's a delicate balance you should consider your body like a bow, it can't be stressed all the time otherwhise the string will break. It's a weapon that needs action and relaxation. The same counts for your body and mind.

    Now about you looking for professional help, none of us are certificated professionals here on the asylum. It's like this either you have the money to pay for professional help, or you are stuck with us. :) I'll help you out of your dream to say that there are no LOW -cost professional psychiatric educated people who after many years of studying at the university , will take satisfaction in a mcdonalds wage, i hope that doesn't sound harsh to you but that's the reality, anyway i do not dismiss you seeking professional help, problem is that the general idea in psychology is that there is a 'pil for every problem' ideology , you are depressed?, here's a pill for ya to make you feel better. They won't be focussing on the behind laying problems on what is really causing you to feel depressed. I myself have something beautifull for you that saved me from depression/suicide http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf , although religiously orientated, it shows you all the hows and why's in your life that you have been wondering about. I hope it helps you as it has helped me. (acrobat viewer required)

    http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf
     

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