Problems with the girl

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by bjonesy77, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    So Ive been dating this girl for about a month or two, but we arent really putting any label on it. So we arent like "together" but I'm not seeing anybody else, and neigher is she. We always had the same group of friends, and we had gone out a few times like 6 months ago but its been pretty recent that things got a little more serious. Well, recently I've been feeling differently towards her. She is the kind of girl that isnt very girly, shes not mushy, shes not romantic, shes not emotional, she is like a guy in essence. I liked all that about her at first, but now its getting old. With girls, Im used to her being the romantic one and loving it when I would do cute things, or say sweet stuff but this girl is different. Im actually afraid to do sweet things for her because honestly, she might laugh at me. I feel like the woman in the relationship, I WANT her to tell me im cute for complementing her, I want her to turn red when I make her dinner unexpected but I cant even do those things without fear. I also feel differently when I'm around her, its almost like I'm hanging out with a guy friend. The other night I planned a date for us and I planned it to be all romantic. We went to dinner at montgomery inn( fantastic ribs!!!) but it just was "off." I was excited about it all day, I got my haircut and got dressed up, but it was just not how I imagined it. With her, sex is really just sex, its not emotional at all. She wants to do it all the time, but I just dont enjoy it all that much because there is no real "fire" to it. Its never passionate, hot sex. We never are in bed and it just happens. Its more along the lines of her saying "lets fuck" or "wanna do it" and I'll agree or disagree.



    My question to the Vag is, am I being a bitch about it?

    Are my expectations of the relationship to high? Am I looking for a "fairy tale" relationship that obviously doesnt exist?
     
  2. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Find a more feminine girl, your expectations are not too high.
     
  3. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    so how goes it with a post op?
     
  4. J-Ace24

    J-Ace24 double down.

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    since there's no labels you can keep the friends with benefits. but just move on anyways. she's not going to change into what you want.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: Sorry, I just laugh because I'm pretty much that girl, and it takes a really secure guy to deal with us.

    Anyhow, it's a pretty simple answer. You're not being a "bitch," you just have an idea and standards in your head about what kind of woman you want to be with-that's not a crime. Wanting some kind of validation here and there isn't some fairytale relationship. There are billions of women who would gush about their man getting dressed up for a night on the town....she just might not be that girl for you. You luckily are realizing this early on so it's best to end it as soon as possible. Do NOT use Valentine's Day as some excuse, especially considering she might not even be into the holiday. Waiting and holding it off longer will only make the inevitable worse and harder on you.

    She's never going to change and become more romantic/girly/etc. and you shouldn't really expect her to. Break up, find the kind of girl you are really looking for.

    /thread
     
  6. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    what? are you lost from the main forum?
     
  7. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    what do you mean not to use valentines day as an excuse? As an excuse to break up with her or???
     
  8. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    Iwishyouwerebeer-I have strange request, I read your posts in the Vag all the time and I have this mental picture of you. Care to post a picture, Im curious if I'm correct.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I meant do NOT use Valentine's Day as an excuse not to break up with her. It's really sad and extremely pointless how around ANY kind of holiday, no matter how insignificant people say shit like, "But it's Presidents' Day! I can't break up with her until after it! We have plans :noes:" You break up with her now because prolonging the inevitable is really really dumb.

    I'm a hag. But if you must see there's a pic in my profile, or search for the Vag picture thread or go to the archives for my interview :dunno:
     
  10. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    ill be honest, I have a slight E-crush on you. But thanks for the advice, ill see what I can do
     
  11. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    if you think you are a bitch, you probably are a bitch
     
  12. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    Thanks.........I guess?

    I guess I just want a more feminine girl, so thats what I'll do.

    Im going to start hanging out at the dress department at macy's lol
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well I'm uh....flattered. :rofl: But seriously, I'd love an update. If anything this forum needs actual updates where people who need to dump their SO actually come back and explain they did it, it was the right decision, and they moved on for the better from it :bigthumb:
     
  14. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    do you make a concerted effort to get her alone? if no then its all your fault
     
  15. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    I spend alot of time with her alone, some of that being alone in a bedroom. I spend the night at her place probably once or twice a week.


    *small update*
    Last night I went to her place to surprise her at like 11pm after I told her I wasnt going to come over earlier because I was going to dinner with some family. I get there, call her on the phone, while on the phone I knock on the door, she tells me to hold on because someone is at the door. When she answered the door she just kind of looked at me and said "what are you doing here?" Then we are watching TV and she starts babbling about "if you don't get your heart involved, it doesnt hurt."

    Needless to say, I think I had better chalk this one up as a loss and move on. Only hard part is we have alot of mutual friends.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: Why didn't you just end it right there?

    I get the whole "we have mutual friends thing" but it really doesn't sound like she's emotionally invested in you at all, and you've been dating under 2 months. It's the kind of relationship that will probably even have a mutual break up. If your friends ask you just say you don't think you two are a good match; you don't have to go into the specifics. Worst case scenario, one of them gets upset for a stupid reason and you just have to ignore them for a while until everyone gets involved in it. Friends are the last thting you should worry about.
     
  17. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I totally understand where you're coming from. As males, we all are looking for mates that are a bit more feminine than us. You're not happy with her now and you won't be happy with her later, so just chalk it up. This is what equivalent to the "nice guy syndrome" in which the guy isn't very masculine and got kick to the curb.
     
  18. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    My friend the answer is simple, you are not satisfied with her; she is not your type. Why do you continue this burden on yourself? There are plenty of other women who WILL fulfill the basics of the masculine/feminine interaction. It sounds like you guys are lacking some serious chemistry.

    Perhaps she's afraid of opening up, no one is unemotional, but people tend to repress them due to fear of being hurt etc, some people take longer to open up than others; however, it does sound like you are unhappy.

    You should NEVER feel like you are walking on egg-shells, especially for doing something nice; or wanting a real lover; in a romantic relationship, not just a buddy whom you happen to have sex with.

    There is a natural dynamic to the ying/yang, a balance to the male/female relationship; certainly some women can be more level headed and less perhaps gushy and fluffy than others; but lacking any passion or chemistry or emotion ( that's simply not romantic relating material ).

    Edit: I just read your update, and she herself stated; if you don't get your heart involved you don't get hurt; thats what I figured, she's holding out because of fear; and in the process is pushing you away. The issue is, that's her problem/issue not yours, you need to find someone who isn't a flake. It's not up to you to baby sit her fears and insecurities. Be happy, think about yourself.
     
  19. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    well i couldnt go try to surprise her, and when she opens up the door and says "what are you doing here" and me say "sorry, not what I wanted to hear. Its time to break up, see you later"

    I did however leave shortly after the "dont get your heart involved" comment. she knew I was frustrated, but didnt know exactly why I dont think. I think my problem is, I like her as a person/friend and we happen to have sex so I feel like we should have other feelings. I'm unsure about that ofcourse.

    My poison is I care to much, I sometimes find myself dragging things out until she gets angry with me just so I dont have to hurt her feelings. When I do that, I know im being a total bitch about it but its nature to me.
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    1. Stop doing nice things expecting validation for doing nice things.

    2. If you are not happy with a girl you are dating, break up.

    3. If she's not making all over you for doing sweet things for you, then there is a good chance that you are doing it too much and she's taking it for granted.
     
  21. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    This girl sounds really weird. Usually, even the most tomboyish of girls likes to feel girly sometimes. Maybe she's a closet lesbo :dunno:

    I'd write off any thought of having a relationship with her. And if the sex is that bad I wouldn't bother fucking her either. You're putting yourself into the position where you ARE the chick, using sex in hopes of getting her to like you. :greddy2:
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You had the absolute easiest time to start the conversation right after she fuking admitted she doesn't put her heart into things. You didn't have to say it when she opened the door, you're just making excuses and putting it off longer.

    It's not as if you have to break up with her and ever see her again, it just sounds like you are better friends. I dated a friend a few years ago who at first I thought we had great chemistry. Then we started dating and we both one day mutually agreed it was just strange, we didn't click other than as friends! This is the same situation for you. You can break up with her and still be friends eventually. Personally, I think she's going to take the break up just fine and then you'll be upset she didn't seem that affected :rofl:

    You've got to get it out of your head that just because you have sex (even good sex) and have very friendly feelings doesn't mean you have to have real chemistry or a relationship.
     
  23. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    You can still use the "if you don't get your heart involved, it doesnt hurt" comment as a reason to break up with her. Just tell her when she said that you realized that you were getting your heart involved and she wasn't, so maybe it would be best to end things. I honestly think this would/will be an easy breakup. After a few weeks things will probably be back to normal since you haven't been dating long at all.
     
  24. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    you two aren't compatible, simple as that. no point in continuing the relationship if your goal is an LTR.
     
  25. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    *update*
    So thursday night was the end of it all. Earlier in the day I talked to Laura(the girl this thread is about) and told her that I was feeling like we didnt have a connection, and that I felt like there was absolutely no verification that she had any feeling for me. Well she got offended because she said "i feel like I try to hard and get nothing back from you." Well I just kind of played the "dont try and turn this on me" card and it semi worked. I ended the conversation because I had a meeting to go to. Well later that night I went down to Clifton(which is where alot of my friends live because of UC) because a friend of mine got into OSU's medical school so we were celebrating, and Laura was there. Everybody was hanging out, there was a slight tension between me and laura but nothing big. So we are taking a few tequilla shots after dinner and everybody is having a good time. We hung out for a while and everybody was drinking margarittas and taking shots of tequilla, having fun. We all went to another friends womens intermurral basketball game and had a blast until Laura started making fun of me. Im a little drunk at this point and im cheering on our friends that are playing and she goes "youre embarrassing yourself." I'm like "what the hell? Im having a good time, quit ruining it for me." I continue to cheer them on with everybody else who was with us. Then we go back to the house, hang out a while, have a few more drinks and then go to a bar. We get there right as they were closing but I know the bartender so she let us sit for a drink while she closed up. They close, we go to another bar down the street that is still open. Im walking to the upstairs part of this bar, through a fairly narrow corridor with a girl and a friend of hers standing in the way. I make a joke towards them and apparently they liked it because she grabbed my arm and pulled me over to her. At this point I have done NOTHING wrong, but Laura seems to think I had. I litterally shake the girls hand, introduce myself and laura comes over, stands between me and the other girl looks at me and goes "we're leaving." I'm not the kind of guy thats going to lay down to a demand like that so I said "ok, bye." Laura continues to try and argue with me as the other girl walks away obviously. I then turn around and try to walk away from laura when she grabs my arm and starts pulling. She started yelling at me in the middle of this bar. To save myself and her embarassment, I leave. We get to the car with 2 other friends who drove and go home. I give laura her keys that she asked me to hold because she didnt have pockets and walk away. Once agains he grabs my arm and starts balling. I'm absolutely fed up with this girl and want nothing more to do with her. She is screaming crying about how I dont care about her anymore and how all I wanted was sex to begin with. If you look at my original post, sex is obviously not what I want. So I cant just let it go, i guess I have to much pride but I argue with her. She then complains about being cold multiple times and begs me to come inside her house. I finally give in and go inside. She then gets really really friendly with me, and obviously its a trap. She starts sitting on my lap after we had been arguing for an hour already and trying to apologize. I want nothing to do with it. She then goes "fine brett, what do you want?" kiddingly I said "dont you remember, all I want is sex." Well apparently she took that litterally, took her clothes off and pulled me into her room. She layed down on the bed and at this point, i just cant walk away. So for some unknown reason this turned me on more than she has ever turned me on before. I wont go into specifics but it was incredible sex. Afterwards, she says to me "see I told you all I wanted was sex." I said "yeah, your right." Then proceeded to put my clothes on and walk out the door. I had to peel her off of me, but i left. Friday the next day, she called me and she told me she really wants nothing more than to be with me. I told her "after last night, there is no way. You arent what I want or need right now and I just cant do it" We then agree to be friends because she doesnt want me completely out of her life and that is that. Hopefully it all works, but I'm pretty doubtful she will be mature enough to actually be friends.
     

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