SRS Problems with my Father and Mother....but I need help.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jae, Jan 9, 2007.

  1. jae

    jae New Member

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    I want to tell you a little story about my family in its current state, which has mostly taken place in the last few days (not counting my father's affairs).

    My parents married in the early 1980's. They are both from Europe, but my dad had lived in America for about a decade. My mother came here, mostly on arrangement, and they wed. My mom was young and as young people go, not filled with knowledge. But thats when it all began. My dad had affairs and cheated on my mom, from the start. Many men from where he comes from cheat on their wives. I think it's the way they were taught, almost like it's okay to cheat.

    Now let me fast forward to two summers ago. Rumors were circulating that my dad was seeing one of our employees (a waitress). It really brought me down, as I thought my dad left that kind of lifestyle and was completely loyal to my mother. My dad saw that I was a bit depressed for a bit, and he asked me if I had heard any rumors about my dad and the waitress. I told him yes, and he told me not to listen to people and the stupid shit they say. I always trusted my dad, so I said fuck it, he's probably not doing anything.

    Now, let me talk about this week. My mom brings up the subject of this said waitress. She tells me she knows for a fact that my dad is having some kind of relationship with her, and she has known for a couple months. I ask her how, and she says she has seen his phone records with her number EVERYWHERE. She shows me, and she was not joking. Her number is fucking everywhere. Morning, Afternoon, and the Evening. Text messages. The whole 9 yards. My mom even told me she called the number, heard her voice, and hung up.

    A couple evenings ago, my parents went out to a friend's. My dad had a whole bottle of wine (he's been drinking a lot lately). On the way back home, they got into a huge argument, and my dad admitted to seeing another woman. And this is where it gets so ugly, that I am on the verge of tears as I type this. At home, my father hit my mom repeatedly.

    I woke up the next morning and I see my mom is sleeping with my little sister, so I knew something was up. The next time I see my mom is in the afternoon, and she looks at me. I look at her, and her eyes get watery as she begins to cry. I beg her to tell me what's wrong, and she finally tells me what pain she felt the night before. At this point, I feel like it's my job to man the fuck up and confront my father. My mother doesn't deserve to cry.

    After I console my mother, I go to work (he and I work at the same place...family run business). I tried to gather up my balls as much as I could, because he does make me nervous. My father was always a person I admired and respected. He has worked his ass off for us, and he made something out of absolutely nothing. He is very respected throughout not just my family but everyone we know.

    I tried as much as I could to pick up my balls and to try to calm my nerves. I then walked into the office where he was. The light was turned off, he was lying down on a couch, and he was watching football. I opened the door, looked him right in the eye for a couple very long seconds, and calmly said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." He said, "Who me?" and I said, "Yes". I grabbed the door knob, and I slammed the door behind me. I left the restaurant real quick as I wanted to say nothing to him or see his face.

    About a half hour after that, he left for NYC on an unplanned visit to see his sisters and I hope to clear his mind. But we haven't seen him since and it has been a couple very long days.

    My mom thanked me for doing what I did. BUT, I feel guilty, sad, stupid, immature, and selfish. It was a long time coming, though. It was a lot of frusturation built up over so many years. How could my father do those things to my mother? Especially with a fucking waitress that is known as a fucking whore? A person that I cannot fucking stand. Not only did my father say "fuck you" to my mother by hitting her and cheating on her, but he said "fuck you" to my siblings and I. He lost a lot of my respect; respect that took him forever to build up. I really cannot put my feelings into words. He lied. Now it seems I have to get out from under my father's shadow, and lead my own life.

    What urks me even more is that I work my ass off for my father. I don't get a paycheck, though, and I rarely am able to buy things I sincerely want. I HAVE TO FUCKING ASK because I don't have my own shit. Family business is fucked up. But it's hard not to wonder how much money he would give the bitch and what he would buy for her kids. She fucked my dad for money. My dad fucked her for pleasure.

    I'm sorry for my long post and my very bad sentence structure and grammar. I'm in a position right now that I don't care too much about anything else other than what I just wrote about.

    Thank you for reading, and I'll thank you for any comments. Let me know if I was stupid to get involved.
     
  2. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Def. keep us posted on this subject. Sorry to hear what your dad did to your mom. Way to be the man and say something because it probably made him think. WOW I MIGHT HAVE FUCKED UP! Good luck! Hope everything works out.
     
  3. jae

    jae New Member

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    My father has been back now for a few days. The first couple days, I ignored him completely. The last couple days, we've exchanged very few words.

    Strange new developments in the story. Both my dad and the waitress are battling through illness. The waitress has been diagnosed with throat cancer, and my dad has a lung infection. What the fuck?

    Also, it turns out what I said to my dad had no impact on him. The waitress is scheduled to work about 5 days next week.
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I truly believe it is between your mother and father, and that maybe it is best you decide not to get in the middle (especially if you live at home). Your mother and father are adults and can make their own decisions. The most you can do is be supportive of your mother to the best of your ability, no matter if she chooses to stay or if she chooses to leave him. She sounds like she is well aware of the affair so she has to make her own decision now.
    Good luck.

    edit: I am missing the part in the post where you said he hits her, so if what DE says is true please disregard the above and get your mother some help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2007
  5. Mogul

    Mogul New Member

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    He deserved much worse than you gave him.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Seems as karma is hitting them in the back of their heads like a boomerang. You still have somewhat high regards of your father, but where does a man who hits a woman belong? Its one of the most dreadfull things on earth, to see, feel, experience a living nightmare. Not only would i have zero respect for my father, i would also quit working for him or take over the restaurant if an oppertunity comes.(although im not exactly sure how old you are).


    Your mom should definitly file for divorce, you guys are better off without this man in your life. If your mom isn't nr.1 in the life of your dad, then there's not a single reason why you guys should still form a family. This because family should care and love eachother.

    I can only have sympathy and compassion for you, it must be so hard on you. :hug:
     
  7. jae

    jae New Member

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    First off I would like to say thank you to all of you who have commented and responded to my thread.

    Second, I am sorry for not updating more often.

    I'll give you a little update, though.

    As you know, my mom has found my dad's phone records. Friday, my mom called the lady's number with my dad's phone, and the number was under someone else's name. My dad was hiding it. Then my mom called again, the lady picked up, said "Hey what's going on?" then my mom hung up because she heard my dad coming into the living room. Then, the phone rang. It was the lady, and my dad picked it up. My mom asked who it was, and my dad came up with a bullshit lie.

    Later that day, my mom and the lady were at work together. By now, my dad should have let go of this lady if he knew what was good for her. The lady, as soon as she sees my mom, says "I need to talk to you whenever you're free." My mom came up to me and told me about it, and I told her "NO, you tell her you want to talk to her, you take charge of the conversation"

    And so she did. My mom told her "I'm free to talk with you", went into the office, and my mom put a lot of shit in her face. My mom told her about the phone records, and the lady says they talk so much because she owes my dad money. BULLSHIT!!!! What could she possibly owe him? A couple hundred bucks? My dad presently has given thousands of dollars in loans to people but doesnt fucking talk three to four times a day with them on the phone.

    Anyways, my mom basically told her to get the fuck out. The lady comes back with "but this is where I make money." My mom said to her "There's plenty other places you can work." And she also slipped in a "Is my husband fucking you good?" My mom is funny as fuck, especially with her Eastern European accent. I love it.

    Anyways, remember when I told you guys my dad went to NYC to "clear his mind"? My mom saw phone records and my dad and the lady were talking all the time while he was in New York. One call even lasted 49 minutes. Fuck the rat bastard.

    My mom has told my dad repeatedly to fire her. You know what he says? "Then I'll have to go to court if I fire somebody." This doesn't make any fucking sense to me, unless this bitch is blackmailing my father, and she DEFINITELY IS the type to do just that. You don't have to go to court to fire somebody. Why would my dad keep this bitch around if we know whats going on? HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR US. HE FUCKED HIMSELF IN THE ASS. My mom now refuses to work when she works, and I just may follow in her footsteps.

    Yesterday my dad and I got into a fight about money. I was pretty loud, and at one point I wanted to say "You are stuck in a corner, and you don't know what you're doing, so you want to take your bullshit out on other people." But I didn't.

    Later that night, my mom says to me "Don't be too much of a dickhead (not her exact words) to your father. He is still your father" WHAT THE FUCK? You brought me into this mess.

    I don't know. This whole thing is eating me the fuck up inside. It's making me question my future, it's making me question continuing this business alongside my father. It's making me question everything I wanted in life. It's one big fucking headache. I don't even like being at work anymore. I used to love it. I'm thinking about moving, getting a 9 to 5, and leaving this city.

    I thank God for my wife, though. She has been my rock in all of this. I love her.


    Thank you for those who have read. I appreciate your time and your concern. Sorry for the long and probably confusing post.
     
  8. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Jae... the only one problem i have with what you have said so far...

    STOP SAYING THAT YOU ARE SORRY!!! We are here to help you. Trust us in that we are anything but pissed that you have shared your story with us. It takes a lot of balls to disperse your life story in words and let people you don't even know read it. We are here to help, so don't feel so bad that you are asking for our help and our time.


    Anyway, You are doing a great job at handling this. Many people would fall under the pressure that they have been put under but you have kept your cool. There's a lot of evidence there that there is something going on behind everyone's back.

    Obviously, your mother still loves your father, or she wouldn't have told you to stop acting like a "dick" to him. In essence she is right... he is STILL your FATHER. You should respect your father... it's in the bible somewhere >.<

    Though, attempt to not take the same steps your father has. It seems that he doesn't want to admit the problems that he has around him and is just ignoring them as long as possible.

    Thanks for all the constant updates.

    Only in time will this all sort itself out. It will all work out in the end.
     
  9. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    No need to apologize to us.

    I work for family to. My mother owns the company. Dad works his other job for the most part and is in charge of the IT side of things here. Technically I work under him in IT. Its just the 2 of us on the IT area. While I highly doubt anything close to what you have going on is going on, I know what its like to have family life drug into work and vice versa. It sucks. ya feel like you cant talk about one at the other for fear that it'll be dragged and mashed up together.
    Heres the thing. All that shit aside they are family. They are your flesh and blood. If it takes you being a causing factor in some action, so be it. You have that ability because you're family. something has to change. if it is him, that'd be great, but if it is you getting out for a while/ever then that too. However I would give him the chance to look at it like that. It may take you telling him "shape up or im out" :hsd:
    I've only recently gotten an SO and I know exactly what you mean about that rock. I feel terrible for dumping on her with what seems like constant shit... but she seems to understand so far.

    :hs: action is the only course ya need to take. enough talk.
     
  10. level99

    level99 Guest

    i would just say stay out of it. you dont need that kind of drama in your life.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Definitly do not put a sheltering hand above your father's head. He cheated and lied maby even worse then that woman, but that woman is getting all the blame, your mom should also stand up against her husband. Instead she says 'Don't be too much of a dickhead' fuck that, no matter what position you are in life, you always have responsibility to attone to for your actions. If i steal 1000 dollars from my parents, they would have had no hesitation to report me and send me to jail. Stop respecting and protecting your dad. Also has there been an update on the situation?
     
  12. jae

    jae New Member

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    No significant updates. As far as my mom goes, she demands to my father that the waitress no longer works there. But, she's still scheduled. My father doesn't schedule her when my mom works, though.

    I bet the waitress has my father by the balls, and it will be damn near impossible for her to let go. My father has put himself into trouble, as if running a business isn't enough trouble.

    A week or so ago, my mom told me once again "Treat your father with more respect." Ever since, I have steadily distanced myself away from the situation. She comes to me for advice; she comes to me when shit is on her mind, but she tells me to respect a lying coward.

    I dunno.:sadwavey:
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    You know, in PA adultery is illegal. And we've all seen several court cases where the cheater (the waitress) gets sued by the victim (your mom). There are legal penalties for her behavior...

    http://www.divorcenet.com/Members/bnotaro
    Would you want to go that far? I don't know. But you could let your mom know she does have other options.

    Tough call. I am not sure what I would do.
     

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