SRS Problems with friends..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Pogoniasis, Jul 8, 2005.

  1. Pogoniasis

    Pogoniasis idiot wind

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    I'm sitting here at home on a Friday night wondering why this is the case. I like to think I have a decent personality, pretty annoying, maybe, but not hard to get along with. The problem seems to be that I can't really connect with people. No one seems to have the same interests. Hanging around with people at college is fine and everything but it feels like we do it more out of convenience, rather then because we get along and enjoy one anothers company. I don't really see any of them outside of college, maybe because most of them don't live in my town, but also because I don't really feel like I want to see them outside of college.

    I think that fact that I don't really share interests with any of them is the main issue. None of the people I know are as in to music as I am, or into films or anything else that I enjoy, really. I live in a small town so it's difficult to meet people with similar interests, especially considering that I'm not yet of the legal drinking age, so there are only a couple of places I can get served (neither of which I like all that much). I just want to be able to talk about things that actually interest me, instead of having to indulge someone else in a conversation about things they are interested in, but I am not and have to pretend to give a fuck.

    I want to be able to go out with friends that are actually friends.. Not acquaintances that I hang around with and talk to because I have nothing better to do. It's just there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Do I just have to wait until I go to uni to meet a more varied selection of people, or what?

    Edit - I should probably mention that I'm pretty quiet around people I don't know. I'm loud with people that I do know but just sit silently during classes with people that I'm not friends with. I guess I'm an introvert when it comes to meeting new people. Takes a while before I relax and become myself with someone.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2005
  2. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    It takes some work the older and older you get.

    I notice I can generalize 2 groups of styles in how people make friends:

    I have friends that grew up in military life that are accustomed to huge groups of friends...they can make friends almost instantly with anyone and they have big social peer groups with people. I guess growing up in the miliary you get used to having to make friends wherever you go. When I had discussions about this topic with these friends, they tell me in confidence that they might know a lot of people, but they consider very few of them CLOSE friends if any.

    On the other hand, I'm the opposite. I have a small handful of friends I grew up with since elementary school and I consider them to be as close to me as brothers and sisters. We're tight. We have arguments and deep discussions as you would have in any relationship similar to family.

    It's hard to meet people I would consider friends at this level. I've gotten close with a few friends here and there that come close to a trusting relationship like that...but it takes an effort on my part to trust him or her, and it also requires a lot of time invested in these new associations I create.

    I admire my friends who have gigantic peer groups, while they envy my ability to have close friends that have carried on for over 2 decades now.

    My advice to you....just put yourself in a situation where you are one on one with someone you meet. And open your eyes to the people around you. You might find friendships in people you least expect.... just take the chance to allow yourself to warm up to them. I have older retired clients that became friends of mine after a few lunches together.
     
  3. Pogoniasis

    Pogoniasis idiot wind

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    I never really had the oppurtunity to have long-term friends from the start of my childhood. I moved around a lot (was born, and moved location 2 or 3 times, in South Africa, then relocated to S.E England, where I moved house twice and finally up to the East Midlands where I've lived for around 6 years or so now) and it would've been near impossible to continue friendships with people moving around that much.

    A close group of friends is more my thing. I would like to get to really know a few, rather then loosely know many. Getting to know someone one-to-one would be the way I'd like to do it, it's probably the only way I'd get an accurate picture of them, but I'm very rarely in the position for that to happen. I hang around in a group of people at college and then go home and listen to music and play guitar. Do I just invite them to go for a drink in one of the shitty pubs I get served in? Invite them to see a film?

    How old are you, btw?
     
  4. I'm going to end up being home too. It's just the way it goes.
     
  5. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    34. Old enough to have had experiences, but still young enough to do stupid things.

    I can relate to you. I found my release in music as well. But I don't find myself comfortable in a social environment...I would play a club and while the rest of the band might hang around with people and party it up. I'd be the one packing my shit and heading home right afterwards.

    Don't force it. For some strange reason I didn't come away with too many tight bonds throughout college either. Most of my friends came by way of extracarricular associations along the ways of my music and such.

    If someone invites you to hang out for food, drinks, or a film....by all means put yourself out there and try. I notice it also depends on the type of person too... as an introvert I form faster friendships with people who come on to me.
     
  6. ItchyDog

    ItchyDog Guest

    Well I think my personality is very close to yours. I wont be able to give you a stright up answer but couple obeservations from my life.

    1st DON'T group people into one giant clay mountain. "Ohh they dont know the music I like nor the movies." Of course you are probably correct about majority but there is many people that enjoy the same things you do. In the extreme, ever watch Jerry S where there are abusive relatiosnhips that choose to stick together and beat the crap out of each other. You would say that both of those people are retarded but yet they found each other and share intrests ;)

    2nd. In the perfect world people would hang out with you because they enjoy your company. BUt in the world we live people hang out because they need something or you provide something for them. "Hey lets hang out with Mark cuz he has a car and can drive us to the beach" And yes thats kinnda retarded, but grab that opportunity and build on it. Select those that you think may be interesting or intriguing and go from there.

    3rd. It would be nice to have nice company where everyone acts nice and peacefull, but that would get borring. So maybe you need a person that doesnt neccasairly see eye to eye with you...

    4th the best buds I met was like 4 years ago. Somehow people from my childhood went their own way and seemed like we didnt fit that much.

    Hope it helps, to put the puzzle together. :) Good Luck
     
  7. Pogoniasis

    Pogoniasis idiot wind

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    Thanks for the advice :hs:. I guess it's just a case of waiting for things to develop.

    I too find it easier to form a friendship with someone who has intiated it, I'm just not good at starting it up, I suppose.

    I'd like to get more involved in something away from college that is in line with my interests, but there just isn't that much choice in rural England :hsd:.
     
  8. Pogoniasis

    Pogoniasis idiot wind

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    Thanks. :)
     

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