SRS Problems showing/displaying affection.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kingtoad, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    55,914
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Yeah, it's been a while since my last post in here, but here I am revisiting. :hs:. I have a problem showing affection, and it's really changing the views on others towards me. I've often been labeled by friends and family as "emotionless". I'm definitely not emotionless, as I'm certain I probably do feel a lot more than they do, but that's besides the point.

    There was this girl I've been talking to for the last week or so. She was an old friend but we came in contact last week. We started talking, bullshitting, just having fun... I thought things were going great, and I'm almost certain that they were. Please note that no where during the time we started talking again and now have either of us began pursuing anything more than just a couple people having fun with each other.

    Well, as I thought things were just great and things were progressing between us, all of a sudden I received an e-mail of her expressing her feelings towards me. She stated that she was interested in me and she elaborated that I'm everything she's looking for in a guy :hs: which was nice, but then she said she has been forced to back up a few steps and put me on her "friends only" spot. So basically, I've been friendzowned. She said she put me on that spot because I have shown absolutely no indication towards her that I am emotionally available or interested in her. Which is not true, I was very interested in her. :hs:

    Well, after hearing that, I started thinking... this really isn't the first time that has happened. In fact, it has happened many times. I fail to display affection towards other people. And often times, friends and family included, think I do not like them or people I meet think I'm not interested in them because of my lack of affection.

    I suppose I'm not really looking for any advice, I just wanted to rant. You can go ahead and give it if you'd like. I'm a little bummed out. :hs: But I'll live.

    Thanks, OT.
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    She's using a tactic in order to manipulate you into showing your feelings.

    I would recommend that you tell her that you don't operate that way, and that you will only "take it slow" and see if something develops.

    Its a power play, she wants to see where you stand and get you to confess your feelings.

    I would consider her to still be interested.

    You worry about the getting physical part, and let her worry about the relationship.

    I know plenty of guys who don't show affection, and have no problem getting girlfriends.

    Don't change yourself for her.

    edit: expressing feelings is a feminine trait
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2007
  3. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    Is it really just a feminine trait? I have believed my whole life up till after I met my ex that I did not reveal my true feelings and emotions. I found it to be true, because I always wanted to joke about things, not be the emotional type. And after I met my ex, I realized the reason I haven't gotten close to girls and stuff is because of that. I never told my ex how I felt until she told me first; it was just something I wasn't used to. But, I learned that there are people I can be serious with, be genuinely close to.

    From your situation, I think you can learn something from being with the girl. Let her know that you aren't the best at showing affection, tell her the truth. I mean, not every guy just shows girls their interest in the same way. Not everyone has this experience. There's always a first time. I wouldn't necessarily say she's trying to be manipulative, although it's always a possibility. Girls are manipulative in a lot of things, so..yea. After all, she told you first how she felt, not the other way around.

    Also, expressing feelings is not 100% girls job. There needs to be a balance of communication, and if you can do that with this girl, then there's something special. What I've learned from my experience and others is that truth is the foundation of a relationship. You guys have to have the trust in each other's feelings towards each other.
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I don't buy that. She tells you she likes you but because you haven't made a move in the short time you've been reaquainted that she's friendzoned you? BS. That makes no sense at face value. I would guess she's either trying to head off any attraction on your part by "turning you down" before you even make an attempt or that she's just the type that likes to stir up drama. Either way, her actions would immediately cause me to friendzone her forever. I wouldn't even hang out with her 1 on 1 again either.
     
  5. SpaMan

    SpaMan Mind over matter.

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL
    "She's just not that into you" :dunno:

    At this point you might as well prove her wrong, just kiss her at the right moment. Or better yet, call her, dress up real nice and make a move. Show her that you're capable of a very intimate affection without asking for permission.

    Don't women like that sort of thing? Maybe I've watched too many bad Ben Affleck movies in my life.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Learn to express your feelings through your actions and not your words.

    My earlier post should have read "Expressing your feelings verbally is a feminine trait."
     
  7. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    Haha, a "I love you" wouldn't hurt on the guy's part either :hsugh:
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Sure, as long as its infrequent.

    If you say it all the time, it loses its impact.

    For example, couples that end every phone conversation with "I love you."

    I've never ended a phone conversation with my wife like that, because if I do it once, I know she will expect it every single time and then it will become meaningless.

    I also never say it back. She tells me she loves me very often, and I never say it back. I say it when I feel it, when I want to, and on my terms.

    Like I said, verbally expressing feelings is a feminine trait. My wife is always telling me how she feels about me. I keep my mouth shut and show her how I feel with my actions.

    Words = feminine
    Actions = masculine
     
  9. magik

    magik New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0
    I also have problems showing affection, and are also very shy. This leads a lot of people to believe that I am either not interested in them, or that I just simply do not like them.

    Unfortunately I cannot offer advise as I'm still trying to deal with my own affection issues, but I do wish ya luck with it.
     
  10. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    55,914
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I felt I identified myself most with your perspective, as I've been considering "friend zoning" her since I received the e-mail Thus, I have done just that.
     

Share This Page