SRS problems dealing with past boyfriend killed in accident

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by beautiful disaster, Oct 20, 2005.

  1. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    a couple years ago the person i was dating was killed in a car accident. it was horrible, unlike anything i had experienced before in my life.

    i had spent the night before at his house and it was amazing. i went to work that morning, anxious to get through the day to get home and meet him at our fire company. i called him when i got into the area, telling him that i was going to stop at home and change. he said ok and that he loved me. when i got home and was getting ready to go out we got dispatched for an accident down the road from the firehouse. so i hurried up and took an alternate route since the accident would be blocking my normal way of travel.

    when i got the firehouse, everyone was gone so i waited for them to get back, thinking he was on the call. our chief came back, looking very upset and asked me to come into his office. that is when he told me that my boyfriend had been killed. he was the passanger and the driver (also a member of our company) was flown via MedEvac. apparently the driver (who we shall call Joe) took a turn too fast, lost control and was t-boned by an oncoming car.

    it's been 3 years since then, and joe is still a member with the company. he still drives like an ass and hasn't really showed any kind of remorse or any emotion for that matter. and it hurts me because i lost someone who i loved vey much because of his wreckless ways and it just seems like it hasn't affected him at all.

    i don't hate him, i was never mad at him because accidents happen and i know that it was god's plan for him and that's why he didn't suffer, but i just don't know what to do about joe. maybe he acts like it didn't happen because it's the only way he can function??? i know several members of the company feel the same way and we weren't sure if we should leave him alone or try to talk to him about it.

    any advice?
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I'm an atheist, but you are not. I'd suggest using your faith to help you get through this. Sounds like you have been doing th right thing so far.

    As far as this guy who was involved in the accident, maybe he does feel remorse, but just deals with it in a different way. Have you talked with him about his remorse?
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Well, it's hard to believe it doesn't affect this guy Joe in some way. Would you prefer that he's constantly moping around and balling out all the time to show he's more miserable then you are?

    Probably not right?

    But I think it's worth dealing with for your sake and maybe for him. Perhaps offer him a day where the both of you will go out for lunch and talk this over. Get it behind you so that everyone can move on.
     
  4. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    no one's talked to him because we're not sure how to go about it. it's just upseting people how he didn't show any emotion at all... not even at the funeral. of course, we wouldn't be expecting him to be moping around all the time, especially not now... we just wanna know if we should approach him or not
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If you want to ask him about it, then do so. He may just have a different way of coping with it, or he may just be a prick.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Just consider what it's going to achieve. If you find out he feels bad about it...does that make you feel better? Perhaps not... it just drags out feelings that should be put behind you both.

    Or vice versa, if you find out he's a prick that can only make you feel worse.

    So I'm not sure sure confronting him would be worthwhile.
     
  7. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i guess i shouldn't, i know i wouldn't wanna stir up anything, especially if he's just acting like nothing is wrong so that he can function
     
  8. canyouspellthis

    canyouspellthis The Papercut Chronicles

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    I'm sure he does feel bad about it.. what kind of man would have no remorse for something like this? He's probably just trying to move on and try to forget about it... Anyways, did he show any remorse like right after it happend? (even if it was only for like a week...)
     
  9. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    he did during the funeral....but i don't know if he was crying because he was upset or because he was in pain bc of his chest tube
     
  10. Budha

    Budha Guest

    Well the way IMO to look at it is that Shit Happens. There isnt a damn thing you can do except try and forget about it for a while until you can deal with it without crying. I know thinking that he died was for a reason, "Gods Will" persay. But it wasnt. My cousin died last year, he took 2 prescription drugs that werent supposed to mix and he died. He had a life to live he just graduated highschool, but he died. And what is there to show for it? My Aunt and Uncle and his sisters lives have been ruined forever. There was no benefit in Nick dying, none whatsoever. People die, bad things happen to good people, thats the way things are and always have been. I'm not trying to be rude or even hurt your feelings, I guess I've just been realizing lately that people make euphamisms (sp?) for about everything so they can rest/live easier/not feel so bad. Sorry for my rant, life just makes me mad sometimes.
     
  11. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    maybe you should take your own advice.
     

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