SRS problems at home (Anonymous Post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    well not at my home, but at my parents home.. I'm at university living on my own.. anyways the problem is my dad... always arguing and stuff

    i think my dad has bipolar or something, because he's happy and then all of a sudden there is a fight.. and he has a way of starting a fight and getting us all angry and i think he likes the yelling and stuff... It's been like that for years... I have 2 sisters who are around 20 and 24 (i'm 21) and we have a baby sister who's 4... When we lived in turkey, my dad used to beat us up alot.. it didn't matter much because alot of kids got beat up.. but he also used to hit my mom and she would hit back too... When my dad used to go on business trips, we had no problems, never fought but when my dad was home, we used to just even fight with each other after my dad would start a fight...

    Well we moved to canada, and stuff... my dad obviously doesn't hit us anymore... but the arguments and stuff continue, he'll be happy for a week, then an argument, and then happy for a bit then an argument, which would then lead to a big fight, then again happy for a while.. it's a vicious cycle in which he starts a argument which lead to a big fight, then after the fights he kisses up to everyone, doesn't apologize but you know we won't be talkin with him after a while after the fight, then he comes and acts nice, and stuff, makes couple jokes and we start smiling and stuff, and we forget about the fight, and the cycle starts again. My dad has started fights on literally the stupidiest things.. and i really think my dad starts fights whenever he wants (probably unconciously)... well couple of weeks ago, they had a really big fight, and i heard my dad hit my mom (he hasn't hit her in years) and my mom got a bruise and stuff.. and my older sister and my mom hit him too i guess... anyways they called me right after, and i told 'em to call the cops and stuff but they wouldn't.

    So this last incident, i told my mom, that it was the last drop.. I told her she should get divorce.. or separated.. but they are kinda traditional... my mom's been talkin about divorce everyonce in a while but my dad knows she wouldn't neither.. they are kinda alone here in canada and stuff.. and we don't have much money.. and my mom (after the fight 2 weeks ago) was sayin yes she was gonna get separated.. but how it would be hard to kick dad out, and he wouldn't leave.. and don't have money for divorce and whatnot... and now my sister's told me that my mom's starting to soften against my dad.. my mom's been sick for the last couple of days, and i heard my dad brought flowers, and he's doing his usual "after-a-fight-suck-up", and before we know it, they will be spending time together again, which will ultimately end with a fight... and i'm certain of this.. this thing's been happening for years...

    this problem seems kinda unsolvable at the moment.. no money, big mortgage on both their names... my mom says, if i divorce him, he'll go crazier on his own, and might do something to us (which is kinda belieavable, since he has noone in canada) and i don't have to deal with this anymore.. but it's my baby-sister.. i don't want her to see fights and stuff... my dad's been takin care of her (since he got injured and doesn't work) and he's been doin a great job and babysister loves him.. but these fights are prolly fuckin her up.. so i try to get my mom to go throught with the separation and stuff by sayin that we gottta save the babysister and stuff..

    i feel like i'm tryin too hard to divorce them but i think it's for the good... i think my dad has lost all of his lifelines with this marriage years ago.. and enough is enough... it's his nice part that made my mom and us stick with him.. i (by no doubt) love my dad when we are not fightin.. i would say he's a good man, and been a good father for us, but only when he wasn't fighting.. and that's why, he has a sneaky way of makin up to us after the fights.. and my mom knows that becuase he's been doin it for years...

    i guess this is more of a vent, i feel powerless against this.. i love my baby-sister and my mom, just way too much.. i would do anything for my mom... and when i heard that he hit her, i almost took the bus home to kick his teeth in... if i was there, i probably would... i sent him couple nasty emails when i was angry.. i told him if he ever touched my mom, i would come and break his hands lol..anyways thanks for listening
     
  2. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

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    holy shit that sounds EXACTLY like my gf's father, to a T :eek3:
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    well, i talked to my mom, and she's already kinda made up with my dad, and now when i tell her they need to separte/divorce, she says no, or "when it happens next time" which we say all the time, and it always does happen... so i told my mom to man up, and talk to her while they were both calm but i don't know if she's gonna do it.. we are from Turkey, so kinda traditional in a way that my mom thinks divorce is a bad thing.. she says stuff like " so married for 25 years and now i'm gonna leave him" and i ask her if she wants to go through these fights for another 20 years...

    I remember we would always talk about how when something happens, my dad would stop fighting.. like oh wait till he starts his new job, then he won't fight, then he would just keep goin, then or he would use my mom's unemployment (she was a stay-at-home mom) for starting fights all the time, then we would say how he will stop fighting when my mom would start working.. and now most of the fights stem from the fact that my mom works... he used to tell her to get a job all the time, and now tells her to quit it, and my mom doesn't want it..

    we all turned 20+ so it won't affect us much, but i don't want my 4 year old sister to go through the same fights we did, and want my mom to truly enjoy her life.. but obviously my mom won't go through with anything, i don't think she's a strong enough woman for that..
    well i'm goin home to visit tomorrow, i haven't visited since they called me right after that big fight.. and from anger i sent my dad some nasty emails (of how i would kick his face in if he touched my mom again, and callin him a bastard and stuff, which i never normally would do, but like i said last fight was kinda the last drop) anyways so when i go home tomorrow, i wanna tell my dad something, somehow scare him, or put some sense into him.. so he will stop this..

    i thought of telling him about how i remember some of his beatings/fights and how i still remember and how it ruined everything.. and tell him that i don't want my baby sister to suffer from the same thing.. tell him that my mom won't stand for this, that i will help her.. also he kinda thinks that he would keep the house (mortgage is on both their names) if they get divorced.. when they are fighting, if my mom says, i'm gonna divorce you, he says, go ahead fight a place to stay.. but i'm pretty sure my mom would for sure get the house, and i tried explaning that to my mom since she thinks she would be the one getting kicked out.. and i would describe this situtaion to my dad so he understands.. and tell him that if the fights continue, i will call the cops, and i actually will.. and the child whatever things...

    i'm almost 100% sure, a conversation like this would end up in a fight, but i feel like i have to do it.. i was talkin to my mom yesterday, and told her that i was thinkin of talkin to him like this , and she got so mad and told me "things are just settling down, don't make him fight/yell or whatever, i will talk to him later" which she won't, and she's saying that so that a fight wouldn't start...

    i was really hoping this thread would gimme some replies/insight since this situation is kinda hard for me to handle, we've always ignored it.. and tried to focus on my dad's good moments.. and wanted to make ourselves believe that he was good... but i think it's time we stopped suffering from his shortcomings...
    thanks for reading
     
  4. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    how long have you openly been expressing to your mother that she needs to leave your father?
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    since that last fight... i've been really pushing it.. but i don't think she's gonna do it.. i try to explain to her why she needs to leave him because he obviously won't change.. and she will have to listen to his yellin and fighting all the time...
     
  6. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Well, it sounds like you know the issue, your family understands the issue, but what it comes down to is actions.

    I understand your frustration with your parents, and I understand your concern with your sister, but the fact of the matter is, it's your mothers decision. Although the decision seems clear and easy, your mom has decades of emotions involved.

    Its going to come down to either you saying something to your father and he actually taking it with a grain of salt. Or its going to continue with this never ending cycle of your mother afraid to leave him.

    Either of which, is totally out of your control. You've expressed your feelings to your mother, and she understands them. She is obviously afraid of this situation and what will/can come of it. You/your family needs to re-iterate to her the importance of this, maybe including your baby sister will help you in your mission to open her eyes.
     
  7. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    In many cases where the husband abuses the wife, she won't leave. Some of the beatings are so bad they end up in the hospital for days, but they remain with the abuser. It's sad, and really doesn't make much sense. There isn't much you can do, other than keep telling your mom and sisters how you feel about this, and offer them help if they decide to leave.
     
  8. rYu

    rYu OT Supporter

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    i didnt read it all just skimed it through, sorrry about that. have you try to talking to your father? like. son and father talk. man to man talk.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    hey thanks for the reply.. yes that's the situtaion, i can't keep telling her she needs to do something everytime i talk to her...

    Yeah... even though there is no beatings .. just constant yelling and arguing, last time he hit my mother once, and that's why it was such a big deal and i've started pushin for divorce cuz anyone hittin my mother just makes me furious...

    not really, i know when i start talkin like that, it's gonna turn into another fight.. but i think i will after this thing settles down a bit
     

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